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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

You ever have one of those days that require the use of both of your middle fingers?

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

“Left alone” would have been the right answer as a child to the question of what I wanted to be when I grew up.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

Men need women, women need men. The end.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

I could have been somebody if I’d been somebody else.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

The key to looking amazing is looking like shit most of the time, so it’s more of a surprise.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

I don’t think I’d get married again, but I would like to annoy someone until one of us is dead.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

Everyone wants the bagel to be everything, but no one asks if the bagel needs anything.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

341 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,934

Funny Quotes Topics

17,104

Funny Quotes Images

14,934

Updated

Dec 14, 2025

Users Online

3,775

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on X:

Airplanes are so weird because how does a giant metal box stay in the air like that, and why am I craving tomato juice?

Breaking via Facebook:

We all got a little Barbie in us (the microplastics).

Shared recently on Messenger:

This can’t be the same brain I was using to read 750-page novels in 3 days during middle school.

Making waves on Reddit:

Sex is cool but have you ever had a king size bed all to yourself.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Yes, my sex drive is higher than my will to live, and what about it?

Just landed via YouTube:

I’m going to start reading books again, as soon as I finish the internet.

Just shared via Threads:

Asking for a cigarette, then adding it to my own pack.

Some nights I stay up hella late just farting.

5 months ago

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Commentary:
Sounds like you're the "toot" fairy, spreading laughter while everyone else dreams! 💨🤣🌙

bodily, bodily function, farting, function, habit, humor, i, just, late, late night habit, night, nights, stay, staying, staying up late

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Look at you with tape over your camera, while Amazon, Facebook, and Google have your whole life on file.

3 months ago

Amazon, camera, camera tape, collection, data, data collection, Facebook, file, Google, information, life, over, personal, personal information, privacy, surveillance, tape, technology, while, whole
I’m not even sure what I’m doing on this planet.

1 month ago

confusion, doing, even, existential, humor, humor quote, life, planet, sure
The first sin in the Bible was eating an apple. The second was murder. That escalated quickly.

1 month ago

apple, bible, eating, escalate, humor, irony, murder, religion, second, sin, storytelling
I get sad whenever they’re mean to Zoidberg in Futurama.

1 month ago

character, empathy, Futurama, humor, i, mean, sad, show, TV, TV Show, whenever, Zoidberg
Men need women, women need men. The end.

1 month ago

end, humor, love, men, need, partnership, relationship, women
Women only want one thing and it is to walk down a dimly-lit cobblestone street with the devil.

1 month ago

activity, cobblestone, date, devil, dimly-lit, fun, fun activity, only, street, thing, walk, want, women

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

A Monday every week is excessive.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

My favorite pastime is staying up way later than I should and complaining the next day about how tired I am.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

If you like true crime stories, I highly recommend the history of the Catholic Church.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has downloaded:

I would only enjoy the Met Gala if at the end of that runway they all walked into a volcano.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

Always funny to see motivational posts from people I know are toxic in real life.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

There are two quantities of popcorn: not enough and what have I done

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

Apart from “It’s okay”, what other death threats do women use?

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Deleting tweets like a writer who burns his manuscripts.

Seen just now on Twitch:

They should invent a way to delete other people’s posts.

Breaking via Pinterest:

I love going “Streets are saying” before I say something I literally just made up.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I have no desire to work now. I had five days off in a row where I dined at a feast and was entertained at a cinema. I have flown too high to return to a laptop.

Seen just now on WeChat:

It feels like it costs $100 a day just to exist anymore.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Where can one find a sugar daddy? Asking for a friend.

Breaking via Discord:

I’m now at the age where happy hour is a nap.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Some nights I stay up hella late just farting.

Look at you with tape over your camera, while Amazon, Facebook, and Google have your whole life on file.

I’m not even sure what I’m doing on this planet.

The first sin in the Bible was eating an apple. The second was murder. That escalated quickly.

I get sad whenever they’re mean to Zoidberg in Futurama.

Men need women, women need men. The end.

Women only want one thing and it is to walk down a dimly-lit cobblestone street with the devil.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

If we get invaded by space aliens, I am immediately defecting to the alien side. Sorry.

My toxic trait is thinking I can nap, then waking up 3 hours later in a parallel universe where I missed everything.

You’d seriously think I was wanted for murder by the way I react when someone knocks on the door.

Imagine thinking you have any clue what’s going on.

If I text you an accordion emoji, it means you better start acting accordingly.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Oops, I accidentally healed too much. I am now uninterested in anyone but mẹ.

Morning, me just stripped the bedding. Evening me is going to be pissed.

I really can’t wait until it all works out.

Pouring Diet Coke directly into my gunshot wound.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

User: the word computer professionals use when they mean ‘idiot.’

If you shouldn’t go food shopping when you’re hungry, then you should definitely not go clothes shopping when you’re naked. Trust me on this.

Why can’t my career pursue me instead?

Your honor, if it pleases the court, here’s Wonderwall.

Stretching my back isn’t enough; I need to take out my spine and wring it out like a towel.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Remember when movies felt real, and foreheads could wrinkle.

I am under no obligation to make sense to you.

If you collect the crumbs from one Nature Valley granola bar, you can make three more granola bars.

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Some nights I stay up hella late just farting.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Look at you with tape over your camera, while Amazon, Facebook, and Google have your whole life on file.

I’m not even sure what I’m doing on this planet.

The first sin in the Bible was eating an apple. The second was murder. That escalated quickly.

I get sad whenever they’re mean to Zoidberg in Futurama.

Men need women, women need men. The end.

Women only want one thing and it is to walk down a dimly-lit cobblestone street with the devil.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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