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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

If the apple really doesn’t fall far from the tree, my kids are screwed.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

A thousand curses upon anyone who has ever gone, “Why are you sitting in the dark?” and then flipped the light on without asking.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

Another day without sex, but a mosquito just sucked on my neck and I moaned a little bit.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

Careful, “friend”. One more word about Shakira and you might find out just how fast I can draw this blade.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

The only thing that drains faster than my phone battery is my bank account.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

Welcome to your 40’s. You now have a favorite vegetable peeler.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

If I had a wife, I’d text her things like, ‘What’s your full name?’ and ‘When’s your birthday?’

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

Having a crush should be considered a form of self-harm.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

Sorry I can’t help you move, my hands are in permanent air quotes.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

If cats could text you back, they wouldn’t.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,607

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Everyone becomes a robo-dancer when the motion sensor faucet isn’t working.

Live now on YouTube:

I’ve never met a cake I didn’t want to fork.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

God, is there anything worse than when someone wants to show you a video?

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Did it make you feel powerful when you didn’t let me merge onto the highway?

Just shared via Messenger:

Have you tried just not thinking about it? Like, ever again?

Seen just now on Threads:

For Halloween, I’m going as an emotional roller coaster.

Going viral on TikTok:

I’m really looking forward to eight hours of thinking about sleep tonight.

Just shared via X:

You’re so vain. You probably think me being in this tree outside your house is about you.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Y’all liking my posts feels like a little forehead kiss.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

“Follow your heart,” as advice, is sort of like “abandon yourself to cognitive bias.”

Some people feel like unpaid actors in my sitcom called “What Fresh Chaos Is This?”

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Just waiting for my cameo in next week's episode! 🎬😂 #ChaosClub"

actor, actors, chaos, daily, daily life, feel, fresh, humor, humorous, humorous observation, life, observation, people, sitcom, unpaid, unpaid actor

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I miss you (the money I spent).

0

2 months ago

financial, financial joke, humor, i, joke, longing, miss, money, spending, spent
The art of today’s art is to persuade people that it’s art.

0

2 months ago

art, creativity, humor, people, perception, persuade, today’s, today’s art
My superpower is always picking the line at the grocery store that moves the slowest.

0

2 months ago

frustration, grocery, grocery store, humor, line, patience, shopping, slow, store, superpower
Don’t tell me to trust my gut. Thats where I put my snacks. Clearly that’s where I’m the weakest.

0

2 months ago

food, gut, humor, i, me, put, self-deprecation, snacks, tell, trust, weakness, where
If there was an award for staying at home, I’d win and then send someone else to pick it up for me.

0

2 months ago

award, else, home, homebody, humor, ID, laziness, me, pick, pick-up, procrastination, send, someone, staying, staying at home, win
I’m not fragile like a flower. I’m fragile like a bomb.

0

2 months ago

bomb, comparison, flower, fragile, humor, irony, toughness

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

46 shares on Discord this month:

The gym gives you energy, but you need energy to get to the gym. Feels like a pyramid scheme, if you ask me.

55 shares on Instagram this month:

It’s so cold that men who wear shorts outside in the winter are wearing TWO pairs of shorts.

14 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My son was praying for “everybody in the world.” If you suddenly start experiencing good fortune, you’re welcome.

56 shares on TikTok this month:

Sexting is hilarious, when you think about it. Like, this email truly should’ve been a meeting.

90 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I used to think the cat was dumb for staring out the window, waiting for birds, but I’d probably stare too, if occasionally a pizza flew by.

97 shares on Snapchat this month:

“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!” Oh, it’s ok, you can just kill me next time.

95 shares on Messenger this month:

Men make money to be with a woman, but women make money to not have to be with a man. Clock it!

51 shares on Messenger this month:

Restaurant toilets are dangerous! So many of my dates have gone to use them and vanished.

23 shares on Snapchat this month:

I only went to medical school to figure out where your arms are supposed to go when you sleep and they didn’t even teach us that.

15 shares on Discord this month:

I like liking Instagram stories because I like pressing buttons.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

So far, no one has seriously tried to bribe me, which is a shame because I am extremely corrupt. Maybe I need a position with more power.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

LinkedIn: where you desperately hope that one idiot you had a drink with six years ago can somehow help get you a job.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

Just drafted the drunk text I’m going to send after one drink this weekend.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

I thought I had more straws. Sorry, turns out that was the last one.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

My life is based on a true story.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

My favorite part about standing in line is watching the other lines move more quickly.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

Just realised if I have a kid, they’re likely to see the year 2100… WTF?

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

If you’re soft, don’t come to my house, cause my kids will roast you.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

Accidentally said I was on a diet instead of in a calorie deficit, and now everyone knows I’m from the 1900s.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

What I lack in moves on the dance floor, I more than make up for in dancing around a conversation.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Telegram:

Imagine how much better the world would be if everyone set aside their differences and came together as one to buy me a castle.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Job interviewer: “Where do you see yourself in 5 years’ time?” Me: “My greatest strength is that I’m a good listener.”

Making waves on Facebook:

I’m not mad, I just hope your socks slide off in your shoe all day.

Making waves on Slack:

Twitter is fun. You kinda just talk to yourself and sometimes someone replies.

Just landed via WeChat:

I wish I had a pair of skinny genes.

Just shared via TikTok:

Can’t threaten me with screenshots. I’ll get a microphone and say it again.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Too young to retire, too poor to quit and too fat to strip – so let’s move on.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Kinda miss when crushes were butterflies instead of complex emotional calculations about compatibility and red flags.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

About 40 muscles are activated when you eat just one donut. Follow me for more fitness advice.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Potatoes make French fries, chips and vodka. It’s like the other vegetables aren’t even trying.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Some people feel like unpaid actors in my sitcom called “What Fresh Chaos Is This?”

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I miss you (the money I spent).

The art of today’s art is to persuade people that it’s art.

My superpower is always picking the line at the grocery store that moves the slowest.

Don’t tell me to trust my gut. Thats where I put my snacks. Clearly that’s where I’m the weakest.

If there was an award for staying at home, I’d win and then send someone else to pick it up for me.

I’m not fragile like a flower. I’m fragile like a bomb.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨