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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

The Sunday struggle is wanting to relax and wanting a clean house, but also not wanting to clean or move.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

I bought some old lady reading glasses as a lark, a laugh, and now my eyes don’t hurt. This isn’t what I wanted.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

A hot coffee and a crispy bagel doesn’t change anything but it can’t hurt.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

There’s no way the Scooby Doo gang never found a dead body.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

Walmart was wild as hell today, so I fit right in.

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The volume of my TV is 100% dependent on what I’m currently chewing on.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

I’m experimenting with how many apples I need to eat a day to keep everyone away, whatever their profession.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

340 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,933

Funny Quotes Topics

17,106

Funny Quotes Images

14,933

Updated

Dec 14, 2025

Users Online

3,999

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Me every time I wake up: Oh no, not again!

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Honk shuah. Sleep on that thang!

Just landed via Discord:

I can’t go to war, I have to water my plants.

Just landed via Reddit:

I don’t mind pulling your cart — I’ve been chasing the carrot anyway, and it’s in the same direction.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I love how my brain is like, “We’re not going to think about that,” and then thinks about only that.

Just landed via TikTok:

Sometimes the laugh is funnier than the joke itself.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Brains are awesome. I wish I had one.

Starting to think business is standing on me.

5 months ago

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Commentary:
Trying to figure out if I'm the CEO or just the office chair 🪑🤣

business, complaint, humor, me, pressure, standing, starting, stress, think, wordplay, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I think you would all treat me a lot better if I possessed a small amount of plutonium.

1 month ago

amount, better, humor, i, lot, me, plutonium, sarcasm, small, small amount, think, treat
Babe, wake up, it’s stupid outside!

1 month ago

babe, humor, morning, outside, stupid, wake, wake up
Never underestimate the healing power of a cheeseburger.

3 months ago

cheeseburger, comfort, comfort food, food, healing, healing power, humor, never, power, underestimate
A haunted house but in every room someone is asking you to say a little something about yourself.

1 month ago

asking, every, haunted, house, little, room, say, someone, something, yourself
Graduation advice: Stay cool. Don’t be a fool. Avoid being a tool.

1 month ago

advice, avoid, avoid fool, avoid tool, being, cool, fool, graduation, humor, lesson, life, life lesson, slang, stay, stay cool, tool, wisdom
Those astronauts that just landed? They should be greeted by chimpanzees on horses.

1 month ago

absurdity, astronaut, chimpanzee, greet, horse, horses, just, landing, should, space

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

Moms will vacuum the ceiling, alphabetize the spice rack, reorganize your socks, then say, “No one helps me around here!”

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

For the first time in history, you can simply post “He’s an idiot” and 90% of the world will know whom you’re talking about.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

Girls who leave clothing reviews with their height, weight, and size ordered are going to heaven.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

“Doing the dishes” is completely pointless and only wastes water. You’re just going to put food on them again in a few hours.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

All I know for sure is that I could be wrong.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

How many calories does an audible sigh burn? Because I don’t think my Apple Watch is giving me credit for them.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

I find it sad that my universal remote does not control the universe. Not even remotely.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

I’m so cold, I wish I could get in the dryer.

Making waves on Reddit:

I broke up with the gym. We were just not working out.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

I don’t know which is worse, people stealing your jokes or people not stealing your jokes.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

I love my new crockpot. Now we can wait longer to eat my horrible cooking.

Just shared via Telegram:

Some people can start a task and then just finish it instead of trying to do a hundred things at once, like a squirrel on crack.

Going bananas on WeChat:

If small talk burned calories, maybe I’d consider it.

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Activity Log ✨

Starting to think business is standing on me.

I think you would all treat me a lot better if I possessed a small amount of plutonium.

Babe, wake up, it’s stupid outside!

Never underestimate the healing power of a cheeseburger.

A haunted house but in every room someone is asking you to say a little something about yourself.

Graduation advice: Stay cool. Don’t be a fool. Avoid being a tool.

Those astronauts that just landed? They should be greeted by chimpanzees on horses.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

In English we say: “You changed.” But in poetry we say: “You became a stranger wearing the face I used to love, and I am haunted by the ghost of who you were.”

I have thought one billion times about everything.

If you say my name three times in the mirror, I show up and kiss you on the forehead.

You did all that terrible driving just to end up right next to me at the stop light.

Why isn’t there a mosquito that sucks fat?

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Two things I learned yesterday: I’m not too old to sit in a beanbag chair, but I’m too old to get out of one.

Apple juice tastes like it wants to be alcohol, but it’s too shy.

Just blocked all the normal people, so if you see this… sup, weirdo.

I love how we didn’t raise the minimum wage because it would make food more expensive, but then just made the food more expensive anyway.

Labubu?! Sounds like a name picked mid-sneeze!

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Today marks a five year anniversary of how I’ll start going to the gym tomorrow.

I am on my second week of biweekly pay so today I will be showing you how to make a quesadilla out of paper towels.

You truly don’t realize how young 20 is until you’re not 20 anymore.

Me, literally climbing out of a dumpster: Can I give you some personal advice?

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I’ve never seen a McDonald’s or a Burger King under construction. They just show up.

I am not leaving this house until my hoodie strings are even.

The only time your man will surprise you is when you specifically tell him what you want.

“But it’s summer,” is going to be my excuse for everything from now until the end of September.

Your honor, if it pleases the court, here’s Wonderwall.

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Starting to think business is standing on me.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I think you would all treat me a lot better if I possessed a small amount of plutonium.

Babe, wake up, it’s stupid outside!

Never underestimate the healing power of a cheeseburger.

A haunted house but in every room someone is asking you to say a little something about yourself.

Graduation advice: Stay cool. Don’t be a fool. Avoid being a tool.

Those astronauts that just landed? They should be greeted by chimpanzees on horses.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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