58 funny business quotes - Wordgag

I used to love going out with people. Now I weigh the pros and cons of human interaction, like it’s a business decision.

May 30, 2026

I don’t argue with idiots on the Internet, I just keep scrolling and mind my own business.

May 30, 2026

If you ever feel like a failure, just remember, Domino’s tried to open pizza chains in Italy.

May 30, 2026

Quitting a job is not enough. I need them to go out of business when I leave.

May 30, 2026

Starting to think business is standing on me.

May 30, 2026

Eating watermelon and minding my own business.

May 30, 2026

Unpopular activity: minding your own business.

May 30, 2026

Oh, Amazon, no. Please do not tell me how many packages I had delivered this year; that is none of my business.

May 29, 2026

I hate interviewing. Just hire me. I stand on business, for real.

May 29, 2026

You have 8 hours remaining to create shareholder value.

May 29, 2026

Believing that pharmaceutical companies want to heal you is like believing a casino wants you to win.

May 29, 2026

I still can’t believe they named a company GoDaddy.

May 29, 2026

I just be minding my business, and next thing you know, a payment is due.

May 29, 2026

When I say I love the ocean, I mean I love the surface. Whatever goes on beneath has my respect, but it’s none of my business.

May 29, 2026

I knew school was a scam when my business teacher didn’t own a business, and my PE teacher was fat.

May 28, 2026

Before I started my own business, I would suffer from anxiety on Sunday nights. But now that I run my own business, I have anxiety every night.

May 28, 2026

My trauma is between me and this bartender. The rest of you, mind your business.

May 28, 2026

Needing to rant and not wanting anyone to know your business is such a crazy combo.

May 28, 2026

Wait… if you’re circling back and I’m touching base, who the hell is monitoring the situation?

May 28, 2026

The feminine urge to open a coffee shop that’s also a library, a bakery, and a flower shop.

May 28, 2026

I don’t get vegetables on my pizza because I don’t like mixing business with pleasure.

May 27, 2026

I’ve started ripping my shirt in half like Hulk Hogan when I mean business. Long story short, I’m looking for a new job.

May 27, 2026

The male urge to tell you what business used to be located there back in his day.

May 27, 2026

Sometimes it’s not a secret, it’s just none of your business.

May 26, 2026

Farmers markets should be for vegetables — not for millennials unloading their failed Etsy-store arts and crafts.

May 26, 2026

Aura is the real business card.

May 26, 2026

If you’re feeling lonely, start a small business. Then you’ll have a little company.

May 26, 2026

Meetings are great because who doesn’t like being held hostage?

May 26, 2026

Online shopping gives me a reason to live for another 3-5 business days.

May 25, 2026

Everyone hates drama, yet somehow the tabloids remain in business.

May 25, 2026

It’s so peaceful when you have no interest in other people’s business.

May 25, 2026

I don’t get involved in anyone’s business, let alone their drama. You should try it.

May 25, 2026

Nobody told me that it takes 1-2 business days to put a snow outfit on a toddler.

May 25, 2026

I miss when bills were none of my business.

May 24, 2026

Imagine hating me while I’m just over here being lazy and minding my own business.

May 24, 2026

Unless you’re dead wearing a sheet, you got no business ghosting people.

May 24, 2026

Your opinions are not my business.

May 24, 2026

What’s the point of having sex dreams if you always wake up just when it’s getting down to business?

May 24, 2026

Hey, you should start your own business and then mind it.

May 24, 2026

God, never seen San Francisco this bad. Spiderwebs completely covering entire business, skeletons just strewn about sidewalks in every neighborhood. Things have got to change!

May 23, 2026