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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

I’m not procrastinating. I’m protecting my peace through active avoidance.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

I wrote a book. It’s a murder mystery. You’re in it but only for the first couple of chapters.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

Sex is so embarrassing. Like, why did I want to do that to you?

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

Being an adult is like folding a fitted sheet.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

I really can’t wait until it all works out.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

My parents told me Santa wasn’t real when I was 16. Jokes on them, because I’m at the mall right now, and guess who’s here.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

What, and I cannot stress this enough, day is it.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

The house from Hansel and Gretel but made out of tacos.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

I would cry but my makeup is too expensive.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

I have read that there are imaginary pregnancies. The belly gets bigger and bigger, but there is no baby inside. Finally a diagnosis.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,418

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WeChat:

If I found E.T., I would’ve developed his jump shot.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Men love when you ask them to explain something to you. It is considered a sign of deep respect in their culture.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

Breaking via X:

Might mess around and reply “history will absolve me” to all work emails.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Good morning everyone, who feels like working today? I promise I’ll let you do my job.

Going bananas on X:

You should introduce your upper lip to your bottom lip sometime and shut up.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Adulting looked way more affordable in the 90’s. I feel scammed.

Shared recently on Discord:

A murder on the dance floor would explain the panic! at the disco.

Just shared via Instagram:

When did making sense stop making sense?

Breaking via Telegram:

My husband clearly believes that chairs just magically push themselves back in.

That awkward moment when someone keeps watching you while you are eating.

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That awkward moment when someone keeps watching you while you are eating.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'stare while I chew' move. It's like they've never seen a mesmerizing performance of mastication before! 👀🍴 #EatingIsSeriousBusiness"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

49 shares on Discord this month:

Overheard the most hilarious conversation on my morning commute, then realized it was just me talking to myself in my car.

54 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m just going to flip this omelette… Okay, we’re having scrambled eggs.

37 shares on Messenger this month:

Why is everyone mean to the kindest people for absolutely no reason?

75 shares on Reddit this month:

Your coworkers are your friends; stop working and hang out.

91 shares on Slack this month:

The dead bodies on Mt. Everest remind me that it’s perfectly fine to stay home and be lazy.

24 shares on YouTube this month:

Nobody flirts better than a girl with zero interest.

85 shares on WeChat this month:

Dating is just wondering why someone is single and then slowly figuring it out.

74 shares on Slack this month:

Just got some minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.

98 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Never in the history of calming down has anyone calmed down after being told to calm down.

18 shares on Facebook this month:

More dangerous than a lion that roars is a woman gone silent.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

One night stands just make more sense for single people. Why would you need a night stand on both sides of the bed?

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Unpopular opinion: we really grew up in the best era to be a kid, and the worst era to be an adult.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

No revenge, but I hope you stutter every time you try to dirty talk with someone.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I just heard someone refer to Texas as “Howdy Arabia” and I still haven’t stopped laughing.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I think the Monday after Sunday should always be a day off.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Very confusing that gross pay is before tax. I always find the number way grosser after tax.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s nothing I hate more than a failed nap attempt.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Bottle of Worcestershire sauce tipped over in my fridge. The mess is unpronounceable.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

A service where you bring a working printer to my house, I print the one thing I need, and you leave again until next year.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

People be like, “I’m a work in progress” and never make any progress.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,427

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

“I thought it might be nice to go around the room and have everyone introduce themselves, including a fun fact.” You thought wrong.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

Picking up a hitchhiker is not worth the risk of being forced to make small talk with a stranger.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

Actually, this email could’ve been a meeting. We could’ve spent an hour on the clock talking shit and gossiping. Someone could’ve brought bagels.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

Some 100 private jets will fly to Venice for Jeff Bezos’ wedding, and I recycle yoghurt cup lids.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

I wanna marry someone funnier than me, but sadly, I am the funniest.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

Blocking anyone who tries to motivate me.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

My husband saw a rabbit in our yard eating grass and said “That would be like sitting in a field of french fries.”

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

The best weight you’ll ever lose is the weight of other people’s opinions.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

The way turkeys feel about November is probably how treadmills feel about January.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

You’re either really good at wrapping presents or you’re really beautiful and funny. It’s one or the other.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Threads:

I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.

Breaking via Snapchat:

The older I get, the more I love my morning coffee and no one speaking to me.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Dogs naturally form packs, and if left undisturbed, will teach themselves how to play poker.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

I’m not humiliating myself here for 3 likes. 10 maybe but not 3.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I wonder if people who spend all their time screaming on the internet know there are way more fun things to do.

Trending via Telegram:

Me: I have a cut under my fingernail. Universe: Excellent, I will send you an unusually high number of encounters with citrus fruit.

Live now on Pinterest:

I love my cat so much, but how the hell are you that small and take up an entire queen-size mattress?

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Might mess around and reply to all work emails with “make me”.

Spotted on Threads:

Santa doesn’t check the naughty list anymore, he just checks social media.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

No one comes off looking worse than the third party who was asked to interfere in a couple fight.

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