Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

Let’s ruin each other’s sleep schedules and call it romance.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

First date idea: Couples Colonoscopies.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

I need an Apple Watch that tracks when my patience runs out.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

First date idea: I lean in close and surprise you with a wet willy.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

I’ve decided that I need to eat more vegetables, so I’m gonna make a carrot cake later.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

I assume fish have beautiful names for eachother, unpronounceable by human tongues.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

Sorry, can’t. The pears I bought a couple days ago have ripened.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

If I ever look at my phone in the middle of a conversation with you, I’m not reading a text; I’m just looking up the definition of a word I just used a bit too confidently.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

Establish dominance by maintaining eye contact whilst twerking.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

Just realized John the Baptist and Winnie the Pooh have the same middle name.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

354 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,623

Funny Quotes Topics

17,675

Funny Quotes Images

15,623

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,415

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

I’m so glad I cleaned the house so the kids have a clean canvas to drop their stuff everywhere.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Without the words ‘literally’ and ‘like,’ I am nothing.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

If the interviewer doesn’t think it’s cool when you pull a quarter out of his ear, the job wasn’t good enough for you anyways.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Applying for jobs feels like auditioning to be enthusiastic about a blind date you haven’t even met yet.

Just landed via X:

The world is such a beautiful place when you don’t think too hard about it or look around.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Bone broth? Oh, you mean skeleton soup.

Live now on YouTube:

My budget for this month is a smile, and I don’t know how long that will last.

Just shared via Facebook:

Spiders have the whole world to explore but still try to come up in my house.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Just had a crazy revelation: you can eat in the airport after your flight, too.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

My favorite part of socializing is when it’s over.

That friend who asks too many personal questions? He’s not concerned. He’s collecting.

4 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like he's gathering blackmail material for future negotiations 🤔🕵️‍♂️📚

collecting, concern, friend, humor, interaction, personal, personal question, question, questions, social, social interaction, too

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I didn’t really mind the voices in my head until one of them started their own podcast.

3 months ago

absurdity, comedy, head, health, humor, i, imagination, mental, mental health, mind, own, podcast, voices
A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.

3 months ago

analogy, blender, chaos, childhood, humor, old, parenting, toddler, top
I am so out of shape right now, that if someone yelled “run for your life!” I’d be like “ya’ll go ahead, I’m meetin’ Jesus today!”

2 months ago

am, exercise, fitness, humor, i, ID, Jesus, life, motivation, out of shape, right, run, shape, someone, today
Crossing things off my to-do list… I didn’t do them, I just don’t want them on my list anymore.

6 months ago

crossing, humor, i, joke, just, list, list management, management, motivation, procrastination, productivity, task, things, to-do, to-do list, want
The wind is about to blow me to Oz, so if you see me flying past your window, mind your business.

3 months ago

adventure, business, flying, humor, me, mind, mind your business, Oz, past, whimsical, wind, window
Sorry, I missed your call. I watched it ring and everything.

2 months ago

call, everything, excuse, humor, i, missed, missed call, phone, procrastination, ring, ringing, ringing phone, sorry

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

16 shares on Messenger this month:

Taking Adderall to use the calculator app.

29 shares on YouTube this month:

You know where I’d like to go? Missing.

84 shares on Instagram this month:

If you encounter a teenager out in the wild, be kind. They are the first generation of kids whose parents are cooler than they are.

35 shares on Messenger this month:

If you really think about it, extraordinary isn’t that great. It’s just an extra helping of ordinary.

73 shares on Threads this month:

My Uber driver didn’t try to talk to me the entire ride. Five stars.

56 shares on YouTube this month:

On one hand, it’s terrible to not have access to the Internet, but on the other hand, it’s terrible to have access to the Internet.

34 shares on Messenger this month:

I went to clean bathroom and I’m 99% sure my kids shoot their toothpaste out of a cannon.

84 shares on Discord this month:

Woke up, twerked in the mirror and laid back down.

51 shares on Facebook this month:

Zombies started running in movies and life has been chaotic since.

62 shares on WeChat this month:

I like to put “No DMs” in my bio to pretend that I’m attractive.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

I need to go to jail for a while to catch up on all my reading.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

If you want to complain about my driving at least calm down and get off my hood first.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

The best thing about dogs is you can act like something really good just happened, and they’ll instantly start celebrating too. They have no idea what the context is; they’re just always ready to party, no matter what.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

I no longer dislike Mondays, I’m mature now… I dislike the whole week.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

When I’m in a good mood, I go to my blocked list and release one or two prisoners.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

Why do they make the wine glass so large if you’re not supposed to fill it to the top?

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

Every room is a panic room if someone farts.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

The best time to visit Japan is when you have money!

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

My career goal is to be able to just delete my LinkedIn account at some point.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Dear recipe websites. I don’t need your life story. Just give me the recipe.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here hating myself more.

Just landed via Facebook:

You can reach me by butterfly.

Live now on Telegram:

There’s nothing that I hate more than a failed nap attempt.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I’ve never had a beer in the shower; I’m saving it for a very low moment in my life.

Making waves on Messenger:

I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that you’re an expert on my life and how I should live it! Please continue while I take notes.

Seen just now on Twitch:

The only constant in my life are the accidental screenshots of my lock screen.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Grateful to be living in the “Tetris when it’s going too fast and blocks are helplessly piling up” era of human history.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I like to stay grounded by keeping the weight of the world on my shoulders.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I’m going to try and be less of a people pleaser, is everyone ok with that?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

That friend who asks too many personal questions? He’s not concerned. He’s collecting.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I didn’t really mind the voices in my head until one of them started their own podcast.

A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.

I am so out of shape right now, that if someone yelled “run for your life!” I’d be like “ya’ll go ahead, I’m meetin’ Jesus today!”

Crossing things off my to-do list… I didn’t do them, I just don’t want them on my list anymore.

The wind is about to blow me to Oz, so if you see me flying past your window, mind your business.

Sorry, I missed your call. I watched it ring and everything.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨