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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

Bruschetta is 80% delicious and 20% mess.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

I always say “it’s so expensive” and then buy it nonetheless.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

Genies are a myth perpetuated by creepy lamps who just want to get rubbed more.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

My comments on your home decor are not criticisms, they are deep concerns.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

I keep forgetting i’m at the age where people will tell me they’re pregnant and my reaction is supposed to be positive.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

When someone touches my phone, I automatically turn into a ninja.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

Looks fade but dark, twisted, inappropriate humor is forever.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

My brain is 80% song lyrics.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

A plus of getting older is not having to make as much small talk because half the conversation is spent asking the other person to repeat what they just said.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

If I could have immunity to anything I would pick calories.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,310

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Threads:

Drinking through a straw is the opposite of snorkeling.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Rewatching my story every time somebody heart it to see what they see.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I’m so bored, I’m gonna join a poly-relationship and stage a coup and kick the main one out.

Spotted on Instagram:

I was once told that if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. Due to this, I’ve been observing a vow of silence since 1997.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Someone needs to press pause on this weekend.

Just shared via Reddit:

That little pocket on jeans is the perfect size for the money I have left over after I pay all my bills.

Just shared via Instagram:

I love when people say “be yourself,” like I haven’t already been doing that and scaring everyone off.

Going viral on Snapchat:

If you live in the same hemisphere as me, you’ve probably already heard me sneeze.

Trending via Twitch:

Being lazy has its advantages. I still have most of my winter fat from last year.

Just shared via Instagram:

I consider the second page of Google results the dark web.

That friend who asks too many personal questions? He’s not concerned. He’s collecting.

4 hours ago

Funny Quotes

Witty text about nosy friends, humorously suggesting he's secretly collecting personal info.

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Commentary:
Sounds like he's gathering blackmail material for future negotiations 🤔🕵️‍♂️📚

collecting, concern, friend, humor, interaction, personal, personal question, question, questions, social, social interaction, too

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23 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Ever since I turned 20, someone is always in Japan or Italy. Is it like this forever?

93 shares on Pinterest this month:

My parents didn’t raise me to order something expensive when someone else is paying.

70 shares on WeChat this month:

I got all my marriage skills from watching Al Bundy.

61 shares on LinkedIn this month:

We’re so close to “Let’s circle back next year” season, I can taste it.

35 shares on Slack this month:

Naps hit different when you’re using them to avoid being alive.

30 shares on Slack this month:

I say “long story short,” and suddenly we’re in Act III with an intermission.

48 shares on Slack this month:

My body is like my phone battery. Usually drained by 4pm.

81 shares on Instagram this month:

Girl math is ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife.

74 shares on X this month:

Everybody in the grocery store is my enemy, and I will not be elaborating.

83 shares on Snapchat this month:

That depressing moment when you pull up to work and the building is not engulfed in flames.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

They should invent a day where it all makes sense.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

If women came with instructions, men wouldn’t read them anyway.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

I think this man might be the one, I say right before he dumps me and I never hear from him again.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

Men will ruin your whole life then come back and like your story.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

After 30, an all-nighter is not getting up to pee.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

I hate this time of year because all you guys care about is football, and no one wants to ogle my cleavage anymore.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

Nobody supports you like that one internet friend you’ve never met.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

Remember, when asking for a raise, it is considered customary to be sober.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

Don’t underestimate your white tee and denim jeans.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

Introducing WifeChat™, the app where you talk to your wife.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on X:

It’s cool how seeing a less flattering photo of an attractive friend does not change my perception of them at all, but seeing one of myself makes me want to jump off a bridge.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

My favourite yoga pose is the one where you lay really still and do nothing.

Shared recently on X:

I have a brain that wants to be alone, and a heart that wants to be loved.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Sometimes I look deep into my colleagues’ eyes to check if you really can’t see the back of their skulls.

Just landed via Snapchat:

We all have that one coworker whose sole purpose is to reduce our life expectancy by ten years.

Trending via WeChat:

They don’t put cars in malls anymore, like they used to.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I woke up extra early today to get in as much ‘worrying about it being Monday tomorrow’ as possible.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Just stay single, y’all… I’m here apologizing for taking a nap.

Breaking via WeChat:

I don’t have a five-year plan because every two years I realize I need a different life.

Making waves on Twitch:

If you eat well and exercise, you’ll die fit.

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Activity Log ✨

That friend who asks too many personal questions? He’s not concerned. He’s collecting.

“Just circling back on this.” – “Take another lap.”

They should make a movie that’s good the whole way through.

Dinosaurs never had coffee, and we see how that turned out.

I came up with my passwords when I was 12, and never looked back.

We must all do our part for the planet. The other day I unplugged a row of electric cars nobody was using.

I personally get offended when rain is referred to as “bad weather.”

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

That friend who asks too many personal questions? He’s not concerned. He’s collecting.

Keep the laugh going 😂

“Just circling back on this.” – “Take another lap.”

They should make a movie that’s good the whole way through.

Dinosaurs never had coffee, and we see how that turned out.

I came up with my passwords when I was 12, and never looked back.

We must all do our part for the planet. The other day I unplugged a row of electric cars nobody was using.

I personally get offended when rain is referred to as “bad weather.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨