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You want me to turn around? The thing that led to a total eclipse of the heart.

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You are my favorite dirty thought.

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Spent most of the day making sure the couch still works. So far so good.

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I have many talents, all equally un-monetizable.

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I’m bored, but not “read a book for fun” bored.

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One time, when I was a kid, I fell off my bike and hit my head so hard, I was briefly able to communicate with bees.

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I respect the moon’s unwillingness to be photographed on a phone.

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I wish people had mute buttons in real life.

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Calling someone a “tough cookie” is not a compliment, tough cookies are literally the worst cookies.

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The breathing exercises from the birth preparation course are only needed once the child has reached puberty.