The final level of being smart is just pretending you don’t know anything to make your life easier.

50 shares on Snapchat this month:

Picking up women at the bar and then gently setting them down.

90 shares on Instagram this month:

My unemployed neighbor with an unlimited firework budget would like to wish everyone a happy 9th of July.

99 shares on WhatsApp this month:

There’s nothing I hate more than being comfy in bed and suddenly needing to pee.

78 shares on YouTube this month:

Just rolled over for a cuddle.. forgot I’m single… fell off the bed.

70 shares on Messenger this month:

Turns out I am the autistic one at “movie night,” who thought you’re supposed to actually watch the movie.

100 shares on Facebook this month:

That “so we done?” be saving the relationship every time.

99 shares on Threads this month:

Staying weird for my own sanity.

91 shares on Instagram this month:

I need a new hobby that costs zero dollars and takes up 100% of my free time. So far, all I’ve come up with is mowing the lawn.

12 shares on Facebook this month:

My mom always used to tell me that I look cute when I sleep. My boss has a different opinion.

34 shares on Snapchat this month:

People without a sense of humor should not be allowed to decide what people with a sense of humor are allowed to laugh at.