31 funny pretending quotes - Wordgag

Mondays are for pretending. Real work begins on Tuesday.

May 30, 2026

The hardest part of corporate life is pretending to care about things that don’t matter.

May 29, 2026

What no one ever considers is that the kids are pretending to believe in Santa for the sake of the parents.

May 29, 2026

How much longer do we have to keep pretending that Pilates isn’t a sex thing?

May 29, 2026

I’m pretending to be a hot girl on Tinder so I can match with my roommate and tell him I’m coming over, so he’ll clean the apartment.

May 28, 2026

Women pretending not to see men staring at them is an essential survival skill.

May 28, 2026

I’m tired of pretending talking about the weather isn’t fun.

May 28, 2026

The final level of being smart is just pretending you don’t know anything to make your life easier.

May 28, 2026

Situationships are just you pretending you’re okay with getting used until they find someone they actually like.

May 28, 2026

Pretending to be a well-adjusted, functioning adult is so exhausting.

May 28, 2026

I bet my soulmate is out there somewhere pretending everything is fine.

May 28, 2026

Sorry, can’t. I’m currently nodding in class so the teacher doesn’t feel sad.

May 28, 2026

Flies are literally obsessed with flying into a room, then pretending they can’t get out. Grow up.

May 27, 2026

Sometimes people just need you to be genuine with them, and I personally have no problem pretending to do that.

May 27, 2026

I really think my coworkers and I deserve an Oscar for acting like everything at work is fine.

May 27, 2026

If you need me, I’ll be in the shower pretending I can sing.

May 26, 2026

Roses are red, I’m staying in bed. I’ve made no plans, besides pretending I’m dead.

May 26, 2026

Pretending you don’t notice people staring at you is a skill.

May 26, 2026

Pretending I’m asleep so my boss has to carry me to the meeting.

May 25, 2026

Shoutout to everyone pretending to have it together. Same.

May 24, 2026

Sorry I didn’t text you back, I was pretending I didn’t see it and ended up actually forgetting.

May 24, 2026

Kinda lame that pretending everything is fine isn’t working.

May 24, 2026

Of course I look tired, it’s hard pretending to be awake.

May 23, 2026

Don’t check on your introverted friends this time of year. They’re probably turning their lights off and pretending they’re not home.

May 23, 2026

I don’t know how to mop my kitchen floor without pretending l’m cleaning up a gruesome crime scene.

May 22, 2026

Confession: If you’ve ever been in a revolving door with me, I was only pretending to push.

May 21, 2026

That moment the doorbell rings and you tip toe to the window pretending you’re not home.

May 20, 2026

There’s nothing like the first two months with a man when he’s still pretending to be a good person.

May 20, 2026

Today I learned that up to half of the worker ants in a colony are only pretending to work, just looking busy so they don’t get tasked with anything. I respect ants so much more.

May 19, 2026

My body is 70% water and 30% tired of pretending I know what I’m doing.

May 19, 2026

My boss was like, “People working from home are just pretending to work,” and it’s like, dude, what do you think I’m doing in the office?

May 19, 2026