The good old days, when you didn’t have to charge your watch and it didn’t constantly remind you how fat you were.

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Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.

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Sometimes I get really mad at myself, but not like mad enough to fight myself or anything like that.

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The worst part about going to work is the part where you have to go to work.

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I don’t always have time to fold laundry, but when I do, I don’t.

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100% of all babіes are unemployed. Pathetіc.

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I can’t work under these festive conditions.

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Is it smoky eye or were you wearing mascara and your eyes got itchy?

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If I’ve offended you with my posts, I humbly apologize, I honestly did not think you could read.

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I’m busy watching the vegan couple next door arguing about the Big Mac wrapper I hid in their trash can.

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Did I eat too much candy today? My stomach says yes, but my heart says no.