56 funny fat quotes - Wordgag

It’s funny how drinking 8 cups of water a day seems impossible, but 7 beers and 5 shots in two hours go down like a fat kid on a seesaw.

May 29, 2026

December turns me into someone who believes a fat man with a beard can fix everything.

May 29, 2026

Guess I’ll be getting the same thing for Christmas, again. Fat!

May 29, 2026

I’ve been thinking. Is ‘fat’ short for anything? Like an old word or something?

May 29, 2026

I knew school was a scam when my business teacher didn’t own a business, and my PE teacher was fat.

May 28, 2026

I wish pets lived longer, and life wasn’t so expensive, and cake didn’t make you fat, and people weren’t twats.

May 28, 2026

Eating rice with my hands, but not in a political way. In a lazy, fat guy way.

May 28, 2026

I’m gonna dress how I want this summer, and if you think I’m fat, well, so do I.

May 28, 2026

This salad tastes like I’d rather be fat.

May 28, 2026

When people suck the life out of you, they should take some fat too.

May 27, 2026

My IQ used to be higher than my weight, but now I’m fat and dumb.

May 27, 2026

I love eating fast food and getting big and fat. It’s amazing.

May 27, 2026

I’m fat because I’m full of experiences, and most of those experiences took place at Mexican restaurants.

May 27, 2026

If you feel fat and sad just know it’s someone out there fatter than you.

May 26, 2026

Cannabis has many benefits. For example, it makes you retarded. But in addition, it also makes you lazy. No worries though, it also makes you fat and insane.

May 26, 2026

I replaced my old flat pillow that hurt my neck with a new fat fluffy pillow that hurts my neck.

May 26, 2026

Eat whatever you want. If someone calls you fat, eat them too.

May 26, 2026

I think the world is ready for a fat James Bond.

May 26, 2026

Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she won’t notice. Call her fat once and she will never forget. That’s because elephants never forget.

May 26, 2026

Ctrl Alt delete my fat.

May 25, 2026

Dear food, either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat.

May 25, 2026

Why can’t my fat leave me like everything else does?

May 25, 2026

Wanted to update everybody on my diet. I’ve decided it’s okay to be fat.

May 25, 2026

She took all my money, called me fat, AND stabbed me in the arm. I hate doctor appointments.

May 25, 2026

Scientists say humans are the most evolved, but bears get to get fat all summer and then sleep for four months, so who’s really ahead.

May 24, 2026

Christmas combines two things I love the most, getting fat and lying to children.

May 24, 2026

Avocado is just green butter.

May 24, 2026

Being the forward-thinking person I am, I kept my winter fat through the summer.

May 23, 2026

I alway get the same thing every year for Christmas. Fat!

May 23, 2026

I like my Jims slim and my chances fat.

May 23, 2026

Christmas adverts: “Eat all the food! Drink all the drink! Spoil yourself! It’s Christmas!” New year adverts: “Look at what you’ve done to yourself, you fat sack of shit!”

May 22, 2026

Finally my winter fat has gone. I now have spring rolls.

May 22, 2026

Can hardly wait until my winter fat turns into spring rolls.

May 22, 2026

The good old days, when you didn’t have to charge your watch and it didn’t constantly remind you how fat you were.

May 22, 2026

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could donate your own body fat to those who need it more urgently?

May 22, 2026

Too bad mosquitos are not into human fat the way they are into human blood.

May 21, 2026

I’m not fat. I just eat in advance.

May 21, 2026

The world would be a better place if mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood.

May 21, 2026

Dear brain, please finally learn the difference between hunger and boredom. I’m getting fat.

May 21, 2026

Too young to retire, too poor to quit and too fat to strip – so let’s move on.

May 21, 2026