Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

Pinterest algorithm is like a loving dad who fills the whole fridge with oranges after seeing you enjoy one.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

I’ve asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for. So far no one has given me a straight answer.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

Saturday nights are for watching zombie shows and dreaming about the apocalypse.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

Somewhere there’s a girl ignoring 15 guys for a guy who gives her no attention.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

Saw a girl in a Franz Ferdinand T-shirt. She couldn’t even name three other main causes of the outbreak of World War I.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

Adulting is getting excited to go home and get into bed.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

Drinking coffee because throwing chairs at people is frowned upon.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

Whenever I’m sad, you’re there. Whenever I have problems, you’re there. Whenever I lose control, you’re there. Let’s face it, you are bad luck.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

Do you ever hang out with someone else’s family, and you’re like, ooooh, so this is what it’s supposed to be like?

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

Establish dominance by dropping your panties first.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,622

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on X:

What did people do before eyeglasses, like half the world just walked around not being able to see?

Broadcasted on TikTok:

A dating app for people who suck at flirting called Fumble.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Me, with $33 left after paying bills: Let’s see how much a Land Rover costs.

Spotted on Facebook:

Alexa, tell Roomba to get the spider.

Just landed via Discord:

One of the great things about being a dad is how easy it is to launder my own desire for ice cream through my children.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Going to the bathroom at night with my flashlight on and a dog next to me feels like I’m gonna solve a mystery.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

The 10 minutes I spend on my mobile before I go to sleep are the best 3 hours of my day.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Today, I’m going to give it my almost.

Just shared via WeChat:

If I walk into a girl’s house and she got like 50 plants, I know she’s a keeper because she already takes care of a bunch of useless things. What’s one more?

Breaking via WeChat:

Telling a child not to touch something only ensures that child is definitely now going to touch that something.

The leading cause for injury in old men is them thinking they are still young men.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Proof that time travel exists: watch any old man try to relive his glory days! 🚀🕺🤣"

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

They should invent a customer service center that isn’t “currently experiencing higher than normal call volume”.

0

2 months ago

call, call volume, center, customer, customer service, frustration, humor, invention, irony, normal, service, should, volume
She doesn’t want flowers, she wants to invoke an ancient curse.

0

2 months ago

ancient, curse, desire, flowers, gift, humor, joke, relationship, want, wants, witchcraft
No one told me middle age would be so fuzzy, and if you are wondering whether I mean my eyesight or my facial hair, yes.

0

2 months ago

age, aging, eyesight, facial, facial hair, fuzzy, hair, humor, i, me, mean, middle, middle age, perception, self-deprecation, yes
Santa punched a hole in my wall because I left him soy milk.

0

2 months ago

hole, i, left, milk, Santa, wall
The male urge to tell you what business used to be located there back in his day.

0

2 months ago

back, business, conversation, day, ego, humor, male, nostalgia, storytelling, tell, urge, used
Think about how many more lovers you’d have if a cross country high-speed rail existed. That’s what they are taking away from you.

0

2 months ago

activity, away, country, cross, cross country, dating, existed, fun, fun activity, high-speed, high-speed rail, lovers, opportunity, rail, relationships, think, transportation, travel

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

11 shares on X this month:

Guys, please stop wearing NASA shirts, I bet you can’t even name one of their songs.

77 shares on Reddit this month:

They should invent a Sunday that’s longer than a couple of minutes.

76 shares on Instagram this month:

My future wife is probably fake laughing at her boyfriend’s lame jokes right now. Be patient, Queen, a true clown is on the way.

15 shares on Messenger this month:

When you have intense chemistry with someone, everyone else feels so bleh.

31 shares on TikTok this month:

I wish tree puns were more poplar.

26 shares on Instagram this month:

If you compliment me, my glasses fog up.

28 shares on Twitch this month:

I need a vacation, but the kind where everyone else leaves, and I have my house to myself for a few days.

40 shares on LinkedIn this month:

(To my coworker that’s a year younger than me) You’re like a son to me.

35 shares on Snapchat this month:

I hate when an old man tries to friend me on Facebook and then I realize we went to high school together.

37 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Wolves are just dogs that nobody has called a “good boy” yet.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

Girls know how to flirt until it’s with someone they actually like.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted without gaining weight. Now I pick up a fork and gain seven pounds.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

I’ve disappointed better people.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

I miss my kids the most when they go to bed and the mosquitoes go after me because they have no other options.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

I had a hard time coping with the divorce. I’m fine now, but at first I was almost crazy with joy.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

Taking Adderall before going to lay on the beach so I can focus more on having a good time.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

People should be able to call in healthy: “Look, I’m not coming into the office today. I feel really good and I don’t want to waste it on being at work.“

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

Maximizing rent value by turning ‘homebody’ into an Olympic sport!

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

I wonder if it’s possible to swim from one end to the other in a pool filled with mashed potatoes.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

Taking a phone to school in primary was like smuggling drugs.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

“Is this a joke to you?” Unfortunately, everything is a little bit of a joke to me.

Just shared via Messenger:

Tell your dog I said woof woof.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Food gives you energy to nap more.

Just shared via Facebook:

I hate taking my pants off at the dentist. So humiliating.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

The gothic urge to live in a sleepy seaside town with a terrifying backstory.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Hey, if the Earth could stop air frying me, that’d be great.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Start every phone call with “My battery is at 5%” so you can hang up whenever you want.

Going bananas on Telegram:

I listen to a lot of white noise, so I get really excited when it rains or someone turns on a fan. It’s like seeing my favorite band live.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

When you have finished reading this funny quote, you will be a little closer to death than before.

Breaking via Instagram:

Just burned 2,000 calories trying to avoid someone I know at Walmart.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The leading cause for injury in old men is them thinking they are still young men.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

They should invent a customer service center that isn’t “currently experiencing higher than normal call volume”.

She doesn’t want flowers, she wants to invoke an ancient curse.

No one told me middle age would be so fuzzy, and if you are wondering whether I mean my eyesight or my facial hair, yes.

Santa punched a hole in my wall because I left him soy milk.

The male urge to tell you what business used to be located there back in his day.

Think about how many more lovers you’d have if a cross country high-speed rail existed. That’s what they are taking away from you.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨