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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

Screen time so high, I should send another risky message and then ignore my cell phone for three days.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

Men only have money the first month of dating, that’s recruitment budget, never confuse it with operational budget.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

“It’s bikini season,” I whisper, eating another bikini.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

The most difficult thing you’ll do as a parent is not rearrange the ornaments after the kids put them on the tree.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

What base is it when you’re flirting with a woman, and she asks, “Are you all right”?

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

Of course there’s birth control for men. It’s called the way they act.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

Friends with consequences.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

Adulting in 3 words: it’s always something.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

I bet when you invited me to Thanksgiving dinner you didn’t think I’d stay this long.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

729 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,891

Funny Quotes Topics

13,867

Funny Quotes Images

10,891

Updated

30 minutes ago

Users Online

3,437

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Milking stools only have three legs, because the cow has the udder.

Just landed via Twitch:

I’m running out of people I like.

Seen just now on Discord:

When I say I’m tired, the “of people” is silent.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

It’s important to get out of the house every once and a while to remind yourself of why you don’t go out.

Trending via Discord:

Teens be like, “You know that crumbled up piece of paper that’s been on the table all week? I need it for school.”

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Where have you been all of my life and can you please go back there?

Shared recently on X:

The one nice thing about your friends’ divorces is no one invites you to them.

Reported on YouTube:

Police officer: please step out of your vehicle. Me: after this song, hold on.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

An app where you and your partner swipe left and right on restaurants until there’s a match. No talking, no negotiation. Who’s building this?

Live now on Slack:

Commenting “what about us?” on all Valentine pics this year.

The magician told me to “Pick a card! Any card!” So I took his Visa.

The magician told me to “Pick a card! Any card!” So I took his Visa.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like the magician's trick backfired – now he'll have to enjoy a splurge on his own dime! 💳😄 Remember, always read the fine print before using magic for financial gain! ✨

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

729 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,891

Funny Quotes Topics

13,867

Funny Quotes Images

10,891

Updated

30 minutes ago

Users Online

3,417

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

Your secrets are safe with me. I wasn’t even listening.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

Humble enough to know I can be replaced, but wise enough to know ain’t nobody else like me.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

Instead of being constantly irritated by other people’s flaws, I’ve decided to become more self-absorbed.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

You didn’t let me know you got home safely so you better at least be injured or I’m gonna be pissed.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

No dating apps this year. Just going to walk around and smile at people and send an occasional unhinged DM.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

I can’t believe she picked her husband, her boyfriend and her other boyfriend over me.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

Babysitting a pair of twin babies right now and feeding them saying “here comes the airplane”. I don’t know, just feels weird.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

At Christmas time, all outstanding invoices are always transferred with the reference “Hohoho”.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

Are you in love with me yet or do I have to post another Spotify link?

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

While you were rotting and wasting your life away, I was doing the exact same thing.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Instagram:

Going to a concert with a tomato in each hand just to make the band nervous.

Shared recently on X:

As long as I can dip something in something, I’m happy.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Me, in heaven: Can you take a photo of me sitting on that cloud?

Going viral on Twitch:

If you’re bored when you’re alone, obviously you’re in bad company.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Prime numbers are so cunty. Like okay, diva — only divisible by yourself?

Spotted on Facebook:

It must be hard for a vampire to floss their fangs when they can’t see their reflection in a mirror.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Haggis – the meal you have to stomach twice.

Seen just now on TikTok:

My nutritionist told me wine doesn’t count as a fruit source so now I need to find a different nutritionist.

Freshly posted on Discord:

One of the most embarrassing things in the world: walking downhill.

Going viral on Reddit:

I leave the blue tick on WhatsApp so that people can see exactly when I wasn’t interested.

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