Commentary:
Guess it's time to choose my "Official Scapegoat of the Year"! 🐐😆
37 Funny pick quotes
Unmarried in your 30s should honestly be rebranded as – ‘Congrats, you didn’t pick the wrong person out of panic’.
The miracle of DoorDash is that I just pick up my phone, punch a few things into it, and within half an hour I have, at my door, a $52 salad.
Commentary:
When your salad has more frequent flyer miles than you do 🥗💸✈️
Wife bought something on FB Marketplace, but she’s afraid she’ll get kidnapped, so she sends me to pick it up from a guy whose wife sent him because she’s afraid to get kidnapped.
Commentary:
When two scared warriors meet for the legendary exchange of mildly used household goods 😅🤝🛍️ #BraveHearts
Runners who smoke need to pick a side.
Commentary:
Trying to outrun your own smoke cloud must be the ultimate cardio challenge! 🚬🏃♂️💨
I waste a lot of time putting my phone down to just pick it back up again.
Commentary:
Sounds like my phone and I are stuck in a never-ending game of hot potato! 📱🤣🔥
When I’m on hold and the song ends, I always expect someone to pick up the phone.
Commentary:
When the hold music stops, I'm ready with my acceptance speech 🙌🎤📞
Just got some minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.
Commentary:
The ultimate cold workout: ice cube dodgeball! 🧊🏃♂️😂
I can still drop it like it’s hot. It’s just a lot harder to pick it back up.
Commentary:
Dropping it is the easy part—retrieving it? That's where the real workout happens! 😂🙌🔥
If only men knew the power “I made reservations, I’ll pick you up at 7” held instead of “I don’t know, whatever you wanna do.”
Commentary:
Wow, who knew confidence could be booked in advance? 🚗🍽️😂