Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

Born to say “are you f*****g stupid”, forced to say “wow, I’ve never thought about it like that before”.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

Are you a software update, because not now!

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I’m gonna need everybody to stop living here.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

My attempts to purge my possessions always seem to result in me rediscovering that I have lots of nice things, after which I lie happily on my hoard like a dragon.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

Ruining the Olympics for my fiancée by, every time they mention Paris, saying, “that’s where Ratatouille lived”.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

I won’t rest until a cure for insomnia is found.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

Hiccups became less popular. I never hear people hiccuping anymore. What’s going on there?

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

I thought my friends in their 60s were making love in the other room but they were just putting on their socks.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

The hard part about dating is finding someone who’s mentally ill enough to understand you, but not mentally ill enough to ruin your life.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

I can’t wait until my kids have a place of their own so I can come barging through their door and say “what’s for dinner? I don’t like that. Can you give me money for McDonald’s?”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,597

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WeChat:

If robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money, I’d just laugh and search with them.

Just landed via Threads:

Some days you’re the quick brown fox and other days you’re the lazy dog.

Spotted on TikTok:

My first thought upon waking up in the morning is “not again”.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Anyone who thinks office jobs are harmless has never cut their finger on paper.

Just landed via Threads:

My spirit animal is that one bird that knocks itself unconscious, flying into windows.

Seen just now on Slack:

I taped a picture of my paycheck on my front door to keep all the solicitors away.

Spotted on Facebook:

There is certainly no life on other planets. Otherwise our government would have sent money there long ago.

Trending via Twitch:

What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger, but also a little grumpy.

Spotted on Reddit:

I try not to post too much, to give everyone else a better chance at being seen.

Seen just now on WeChat:

My big 3? Yapping, napping & snacking!

The night terrors don’t scare me half as much as the day terrors.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Who needs horror movies when daylight has its own fright fest? 🌞👻😱

anxiety, day, day terror, fear, half, humor, me, much, night, night terror, nightmare, sarcasm, scare, terror, terrors

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m just impressed by how ugly I’m willing to look in public these day.

0

2 months ago

appearance, casual, confidence, day, humor, impressed, just, public, self-image, ugly
No, they’re not “symptoms of depressions.” They’re Blue’s Clues.

0

2 months ago

Blue’s Clues, blues, clues, comedy, depression, health, humor, mental, mental health, symptoms, wordplay
I don’t even check my bank account no more. I just swipe my card and if it’s god’s will, money will be debited.

0

2 months ago

account, attitude, bank, bank account, card, carefree, carefree attitude, check, even, financial, financial struggle, god’s will, gods, humor, i, just, money, spending, struggle, swipe, swipe card
Optimist: The glass is ½ full. Pessimist: The glass is ½ empty. Excel: The glass is January 2nd.

0

2 months ago

comparison, date, empty, excel, full, glass, humor, mindset, optimist, perspective, pessimist
You look like the kind of person whose recorded calls have been used for training purposes.

0

2 months ago

age, call, call recording, calls, data, digital, digital age, funny insult, humor, insult, joke, kind, person, recorded, recording, sarcasm, tech, tech joke, training, training data, used
Some people are so fake, their lock screens don’t recognize them.

0

2 months ago

authenticity, fake, humor, identity, lock, lock screen, media, people, recognition, screen, social, social media, technology

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

30 shares on Pinterest this month:

Your coworkers are your friends; stop working and hang out.

54 shares on TikTok this month:

Please don’t send me mixed signals, I don’t even understand the clear ones.

34 shares on TikTok this month:

When someone yells stop I don’t know whether it’s in the name of love, it’s Hammer time, or I should smell the flowers.

18 shares on YouTube this month:

White elephant: Nothing brings people together like fighting over absolute garbage.

56 shares on Slack this month:

If you’re soft, don’t come to my house, cause my kids will roast you.

40 shares on Messenger this month:

My longest relationship has been with my Hotmail account.

56 shares on Facebook this month:

If you need time alone, just announce that you need help cleaning the cats litter box.

91 shares on Messenger this month:

I hate it when I’m gossiping at work and a customer wants to be served. How rude is that?

57 shares on Telegram this month:

Bro, you’re fine. You just need an impossible sequence of events to play out in perfect order against all odds and you’ll be fine.

47 shares on Slack this month:

If you would just let me help, you’d be in an even worse position than you are now.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

August is technically summer, but spiritually fall.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

Why the hell is it called the restroom? I am fighting for my life in here.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

There’s nothing worse than being in public and you touch something that shouldn’t be sticky and it is.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

Nobody talks about the privilege of having a friend who shows interest in your hyperfixations.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

You are born, you lie about how you are and then you die.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

We go together like coffee and cigarettes.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

I don’t have bad handwriting, I’m just using my own font.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

My CV is so good, companies are still reading it for 9 months.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

Due to inflation and tariffs, my love now costs a thing.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

I have found that there is usually a lot of day left at the end of my patience.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Imagine how organized the first person to write down a recipe must have been.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Who called it a heatwave and not a temperature tantrum?

Going viral on Messenger:

It sucks when you realize it’s only Thursday, until you realize it’s Wednesday.

Spotted on X:

Only two things are certain: death, and Princess Diana’s face on at least one grocery store magazine.

Freshly posted on X:

You know you’re getting old when you get mad at some random car parked outside your house.

Shared recently on Slack:

Somewhere, a therapist you never met knows about you.

Breaking via Twitch:

Let’s play a game called you bring me food and I eat it.

Making waves on Facebook:

“I’m going to get more sleep tonight” is always the first lie I tell myself in the morning.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Got a botched circumcision, now my willy wonka.

Spotted on Slack:

Becoming an adult was the worst thing I’ve ever done.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The night terrors don’t scare me half as much as the day terrors.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I’m just impressed by how ugly I’m willing to look in public these day.

No, they’re not “symptoms of depressions.” They’re Blue’s Clues.

I don’t even check my bank account no more. I just swipe my card and if it’s god’s will, money will be debited.

Optimist: The glass is ½ full. Pessimist: The glass is ½ empty. Excel: The glass is January 2nd.

You look like the kind of person whose recorded calls have been used for training purposes.

Some people are so fake, their lock screens don’t recognize them.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨