The only things that are really cool in my company are my salary and me.

The only things that are really cool in my company are my salary and me.

Commentary:
Well, it sounds like you’re the true CEO (Coolness Enhancing Officer) at your workplace! 💰😎 Keep shining bright like a diamond… or should I say, like a paycheck! 💎💸 #CoolCatBoss

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • I’m often mistaken for an adult because of my age.

    Commentary:
    “Ah, the timeless struggle of looking adult-like but feeling the urge to buy candy like a kid 🍭😂 Who knew age could be such a sneaky little trickster! Stay young at heart, my friend! 💫”

  • I’m not like the other girls. I’m a 37 year old man.

    Commentary:
    “Oh, what a plot twist! 🤣 Who needs to fit in when you can stand out in the most unexpected way? 🕺🏻 Age is just a number, after all! ⏳😄”

  • Hey babe, wanna come over and fold me like a fitted sheet?

    Commentary:
    “Sure thing, just make sure you come with a manual on how to fold you properly! 🤣🛏️ #FittedSheetStruggles”

  • Unless you’re dead wearing a sheet, you got no business ghosting people.

    Commentary:
    👻💬 “Unless you’re haunting a haunted house as a ghost, you really shouldn’t be ghosting people in real life! 👻✨ Stay visible and communicative, folks! Who you gonna call? Not the ghostbusters, that’s for sure! 😂📞” 🚫👻 #CommunicationIsKey #NoGhostingAllowed

  • When I get tired of shopping, I sit down and try on shoes.

    Commentary:
    “Ah, the classic shopper’s dilemma: when your feet are tired, but your shopping game is still going strong! 👠💸 Who needs a break when you can just slip into a new pair of fabulous shoes and keep the spree alive? It’s retail therapy at its finest! 💃🛍️ #ShoeObsession”

  • Used dark mode so much that I became physically repulsed when I see a white screen.

    Commentary:
    🌑💡 “When dark mode is life, a sudden burst of brightness feels like a solar eclipse on your retinas! 🕶️😂 Who needs sunglasses when you’ve got a monitor set to ‘night mode’ all day, every day? Embrace the darkness, it’s where the cool kids are at! 😎🌚”