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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

Do y’all ever get pre-annoyed? Like, you already know someone is about to piss you off.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

I still haven’t heard one good argument why I should stop believing in Santa.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

When I was a kid, we still ate noodles. Then at some point we ate pasta. Today, we only eat carbs.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

What doesn’t kill you gives you a twisted, dark sense of humor.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

Stop blaming yourself for your failures. Learn astrology and blame the planets.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

No ChatGPT for me, thanks. I will be asking Liam Gallagher on Twitter.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

New challenge called “don’t say ‘wow it’s already dark by five these days’ for the rest of winter”

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

I’ve tasted long-term relationships, I’ve tasted casual dating. I highly recommend focusing on your career and going to sleep before 9 p.m. ..!

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

Are there any medium rappers? They’re always Big or Lil.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

If I win the lottery, no one around me will be broke, and I truly mean that. I will move to a wealthy neighborhood.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,554

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WeChat:

My wife asked me why the bottle of wine we bought yesterday was half empty. I said because she is a pessimist.

Just landed via Instagram:

My motivation and me: It’s complicated.

Just shared via Slack:

Yeah, I have a drinking problem. It’s called dehydration.

Making waves on Instagram:

I hate it when I turn on the car in the morning and the music starts blasting… It’s like, woah, I’m not the same person I was last night.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

If an alien is 60 million light years away and is watching us through a telescope, it will see dinosaurs.

Trending via X:

I wouldn’t trust a single one of you with a flying car.

Trending via Threads:

Beavers are so funny. Why are you a little rat doing hydraulic engineering?

Freshly posted on Slack:

When I look at the world, I realize why Noah only took animals with him.

Just shared via TikTok:

How was the word “Wife” invented? They took the first two and last two letters of wildlife.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

If I found E.T., I would’ve developed his jump shot.

The recipe I’m making specifically says allow to cook undisturbed, and yet my whole family is standing in the kitchen.

2 months ago

0

The recipe I’m making specifically says allow to cook undisturbed, and yet my whole family is standing in the kitchen.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like the recipe called for peace and quiet in the kitchen, but what it got was a full-blown audience! 🙈👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 It's a balancing act between culinary focus and family chaos – may the cooking gods be in your favor! 🍳🤪 #CookingDrama

cook, cooking, distraction, family, food, humor, kitchen, making, recipe, standing, undisturbed, whole

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Turning regret into ulcers since the day I was born.

0

2 months ago

anxiety, birth, born, day, health, humor, i, life, regret, turning, ulcers
The new American dream is an alien invasion.

0

2 months ago

alien, American, American dream, commentary, dream, humor, invasion, life, modern, modern life, new, satire, societal, societal commentary
Maybe one day a street will be named after me. Or a school. Or a mental hospital.

0

2 months ago

after, aspiration, day, fame, health, hospital, humor, irony, maybe, me, mental, mental health, recognition, school, self-deprecation, street
Don’t drink to forget me, you’ll end up seeing me double.

0

2 months ago

alcohol, double, drink, end, forget, humor, me, memory, relationship, seeing
I’m not bothered if you don’t like me, awesomeness isn’t for everyone.

0

2 months ago

attitude, awesomeness, confidence, everyone, humor, me, positivity, sarcasm, self-esteem, self-love, uniqueness
I don’t flirt, I just say weird things and hope something sticks.

0

2 months ago

awkward, conversation, dating, flirt, hope, humor, i, just, relationship, say, something, things, weird, weird things

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Social Media Stars ⭐

89 shares on X this month:

Relationship status: you’d think something called a Roomba would be a better dancer.

93 shares on Snapchat this month:

Be the reason someone smiles today. Or blocks you. Whatever.

18 shares on Instagram this month:

Ever looked at your ex and wondered, was I drunk the entire relationship?

19 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Facebook: because time isn’t going to pass on it’s own.

30 shares on Slack this month:

“You’re such a stalker!” God forbid a woman wants to know more about her future husband.

40 shares on YouTube this month:

Perks of being a girl: You can think about whatever you want in public without worrying about boners.

49 shares on Telegram this month:

Libraries were a good start, but we need more places where people can’t talk.

62 shares on Slack this month:

I know which nation I like best. Hibernation.

41 shares on Twitch this month:

If you get bitten by a snake and you’re not sure if it was poisonous, simply wait to see if you die or not. That should give you your answer.

80 shares on Threads this month:

If I had a wife, I’d text her things like, ‘What’s your full name?’ and ‘When’s your birthday?’

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t let me drive if you’re gonna scream every time we almost die.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

When it rains in New York, the train starts smelling like hamster.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Always be kind. You never know who has subscriptions to your favorite streaming apps.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

For International Women’s Day, I’m going to celebrate by hitting every curb I see.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s all fun and games until it’s 10 p.m., you’re all cozy in bed, and you remember you still have laundry in the washer.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

“God has a plan for you!” Okay, well, I have some notes for him.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

If the man is silent, he is a thinker. If the woman is silent, the thinker is in big trouble.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Got fired on my first day working at the drugstore for calling my new coworkers ‘my pharmily’.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

There are many people who don’t like me and I am one of them.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Let’s take a family trip in this beautiful weather so the kids can complain about family, trips, and beautiful weather that has no wifi.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,535

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

What are some beginner pieces of information for somebody just getting into knowledge?

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

If you’re alone on Thanksgiving, venmo me $25 and I’ll call and ask you when are you gonna get a “real” job and give me grandchildren.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

Apologies for the late response, instead of spending three minutes answering your email, I ignored it and felt anxious for two weeks.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

The porn bots liking my posts from years ago is just reminding me that I’ve always been hilarious.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

Can I just skip to the part in my life where I’m rich and happily in love?

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

Raise your hand if you’ve ever tried to breathe quieter while walking up a hill so strangers didn’t call 911.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

What if i just replied “not now kitten daddy’s busy” to all my work emails?

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

Male birth control is free, and it’s called wearing Crocs with socks.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

Went for a run this morning. That bee was huge!

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

I love befriending yappers. They bring the yapping out of me. Then we yap together. Yapping is so much fun.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Instagram:

Kinda lame that pretending everything is fine isn’t working.

Breaking via Reddit:

Twitter is just a virtual mental hospital.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

At the end of the day, the day is going to end.

Just landed via YouTube:

I had a hard time coping with the divorce. I’m fine now, but at first I was almost crazy with joy.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Just saw someone my age running and she wasn’t chasing an ice-cream truck.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

They lie on the job descriptions, so lie on your resume.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I stay away from beef-flavored cat food. At no point could Sylvia realistically bring down a cow, and I don’t need that kind of ego in the house.

Going bananas on Threads:

Pregnancy is crazy. You really come home with someone you don’t know, with no teeth.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Let’s ride this misunderstanding into the sunset.

Live now on Snapchat:

Cataclysmic events, such as your fingers on my skin.

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