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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

I need to social distance with the refrigerator so I can flatten my curve.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

There’s nothing better than knowing that you don’t have to set an alarm clock for the next day.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

Clearly I’m not doing Dry January unless you mean sense of humor.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

People always talk about how they love to sit in their cars for a while once they get home. Whenever I do that, my Uber driver yells at me.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

You know you’re getting old when you’re entering your birth year online and you need to spin that thing like you’re on wheel of fortune.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

I accidentally said “large” instead of “venti” at Starbucks and now the cops are here.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

I won $6 on a scratch-off last night. Out of my way, peasants!

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

I love Fleetwood Mac, but “thunder only happens when it’s raining” is just not true.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

Many years ago, I stood up to 100-200 million others only to sit in meetings now.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

Don’t drink to forget me, you’ll end up seeing me double.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Jan 31, 2026

3,583

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Who else here can say that they have NEVER watched any of the Kardashian shows?

Making waves on Snapchat:

I’ll make direct eye contact while eating a hot dog, just to make you feel weird.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Being the forward-thinking person I am, I kept my winter fat through the summer.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 a.m. and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work.

Just landed via Discord:

Maybe I died of Covid in 2020, and this is hell.

Going viral on X:

It doesn’t matter how old you get, buying snacks for a road trip should always look like an unsupervised 9-year-old was given $100.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

What are cats even trying to do?

Spotted on WeChat:

Stop asking a clown why he keeps acting like a clown, ask yourself why you keep going to the circus.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Today, I changed a light bulb and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.

Making waves on YouTube:

Texting random numbers “It’s done.”

The sweater is an item of clothing that a child has to wear when parents are cold.

1 week ago

Witty quote about kids and sweaters, highlighting humorous parenting moments.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the classic role reversal where the child becomes the human radiator 🧥🔥 Parents pretending to be cold just so they can see their little one bundled up in an oversized sweater, the ultimate power move! 😂 It's all fun and games until the child starts running around in that sweater and turns into a little furnace! ☀️ #ParentingTactics

child, clothing, cold, fashion, humor, item, parenting, parents, sweater, wear

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

95 shares on Instagram this month:

Once you find a pair of pants that fit you perfectly, it’s over for all your other pants.

80 shares on Twitch this month:

Saying “Hmmmm” when my boss walks in so he knows I’m thinking about stuff.

18 shares on Slack this month:

Men can stay up til 2 a.m., wake up at 6, be in debt, broke, alone, and still have faith that one day, everything will work out. It’s called being a man.

13 shares on X this month:

I really hope that I look like the mirror version of me, and not the camera version.

66 shares on Pinterest this month:

The web is the only place where you encourage strangers to follow you. What could possibly go wrong?

73 shares on X this month:

If you want people to have kind words when you pass, you should say kind words when you’re alive.

30 shares on Reddit this month:

There are two types of people in politics. Avoid them.

44 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If a beer is 8 bucks, it’s a show. If a beer is 14 bucks, it’s a concert.

100 shares on WeChat this month:

Mayor of a small town is such a wild job. It’s like being the president of a country where you went to high school with the whole population.

32 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The secret to being able to buy whatever you want is not wanting much.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I just want someone who will treat me like a lady and hold the refrigerator door open for me.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to your 40s. “I’m too old for this shit” is now your excuse and explanation for everything.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Can’t believe my neighbor rang my doorbell at 3 a.m. last night… Luckily, I was still up playing the drums.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

In search of someone who loves me as much as I love my snooze button.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Mario Kart gave me unrealistic expectations of how banana peels affect traffic.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Wish I could get paid just for being a sweetheart.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

If the Christians published the Kama Sutra, it would have been one page long.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Being awake is the worst.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Andrew Tate is what you’d get if Axe body spray gained consciousness.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever has my voodoo doll, please make it study.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,753

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

An email so annoying, you wanna return the computer to the store.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

Basically a lot of my problems boil down to me being really bad at waking up, and also really bad at going to sleep.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

People who work in retail should be allowed to slap a customer or two each Christmas, as a little treat.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

I’d probably be a very chill werewolf, even during a full moon.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

No revenge, because to know me only as a memory is to suffer.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

Refusing to make eye contact with anyone while I eat my banana.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

If anyone needs me, I’ll be in a different realm.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

Don’t forget to brush your teeth, comb your hair, cleanse your face, and share my posts.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

A drone, but for seeing which fast food drive-thrus have the shortest line.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

It’s a good thing that our phones only convey sight and sound. No offense, but from most of you I would never want to receive a smelfie!

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on YouTube:

Date idea: We watch Breaking Bad and break your bed.

Just landed via Threads:

Tinder is a food delivery app if you’re good at it.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Has anyone ever died from waiting for a group of people to decide what they want to eat.

Just landed via Twitch:

Laying in a hammock is essentially saying, “I hope there are no emergencies.”

Just landed via Pinterest:

Not to brag, but I skipped my mid-life crisis and went straight to cranky old man.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

You can be anything. Be the person who ends the meeting early.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

I’m not going to die because of an accident. Nor because of an illness. But from small talk. Someone will say one boring sentence too many and I’ll drop dead.

Breaking via Instagram:

All billionaires must submit a list of five things they did for society in the last week or their wealth shall be confiscated.

Going viral on Telegram:

What base is it when he says, “I know you need it badly,” but he’s talking about sleep?

Trending via Facebook:

Someone at my job mentioned severance, and I was like, “Oh my God, I love that show,” and they said, “No, I’m about to get fired.”

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