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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

The next James Bond should be weird. Like he wears a train conductor’s hat and is afraid of balloons.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

Sorry, I wasn’t really listening but that’s awesome, unless it isn’t of course.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

A true friend is someone who thinks you’re a good egg, even though they know you’re slightly cracked.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

Stop expecting people to be as cool as you, it’s a recipe for disappointment.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

Your honor, I was under the impression it was hammer time.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

If you tell me to make myself at home, I’m going to ask you to leave.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

Every man learns for himself the uselessness of owning an iPad.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

I said “cool tattoo” to be nice not because I wanted to hear the 45 minute origin story.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

I’ve had 50 birthdays in a row without being arrested, which I’d say is an impressive streak!

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

Sometimes I glance over at my boyfriend, and he’s just looking at Google Maps, scrolling around.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

296 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,565

Funny Quotes Topics

17,623

Funny Quotes Images

15,565

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,530

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on X:

First date idea: we walk around a graveyard and guess how people died.

Going viral on Discord:

If you like constant interruptions when you’re trying to get something done, then parenting might be for you.

Just shared via Discord:

My mom didn’t raise a fool. Possibly a psycho, but never a fool.

Trending via Facebook:

Sometimes being a woman is just trying to figure out if you’re hormonally sad, seasonally sad, or genuinely falling apart.

Just shared via Twitch:

Sorry, I can’t hang out tomorrow. I hung out with people a week ago and I’m still recovering from that.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Maybe if I spend another day alone in my room then something life-changing will suddenly happen to me!?

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Seen just now on Slack:

One night stands just make more sense for single people. Why would you need a night stand on both sides of the bed?

Just landed via Messenger:

Getting a wife is very powerful, because you get a personal psychic that will tell you things like, “Your keys are in the gray pants in the hamper,” and “He will ultimately betray you.”

Spotted on Messenger:

Boys are disgusting. Can’t believe I like these things.

The worst part about going to work is the part where you have to go to work.

The worst part about going to work is the part where you have to go to work.
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Commentary:
Commuting to "The Land of Responsibility" wasn't on my bucket list 🏢🚶‍♂️😅

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

43 shares on YouTube this month:

Trust my gut? The thing that makes weird gurgling noises immediately when a work meeting goes quiet.

83 shares on Pinterest this month:

I have a bit of an inferiority complex. But it’s not a very good one.

35 shares on Twitch this month:

Going to the gym for my health and wellbeing? No, I just wanna look good naked.

83 shares on Pinterest this month:

I am at the age where I question throwing away a box because, “It’s a really nice box.”

10 shares on Instagram this month:

Is Mercury in reggaeton?

80 shares on Telegram this month:

Being drunk and liking every tweet without reading it.

40 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If I’m ever found dead in the woods, it’s probably because I was trying to pet a bear.

78 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The world was better off when street gangs settled things with choreographed dance battles.

10 shares on X this month:

My motivation and me: It’s complicated.

67 shares on WeChat this month:

iPad PR is so crazy because you think you absolutely need one until you get it.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t tell me that everything was better in the past. I was there.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Studies show people who like my posts are happier, smarter, and better looking than those who don’t.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

My outdoor flowers are doing amazing this year because I left them at the garden center where they belong.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

“Stop overthinking.” Oh, wow. Hadn’t considered that. Solved.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

My chakra went out for cigarettes.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t worry, man, we can probably Photoshop the deep and enduring sadness out of your eyes later.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Only 6 hours, 45 minutes and 35 years until I’m done with work.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s so hot out, I just hydroplaned off the toilet seat at work.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Whenever my Mother-in-Law’s stories end with “And I turned out OK” I’m looking around like who’s gonna tell her.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

You can tell they named the aardvark early in the week and the anteater on a Friday.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

296 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,565

Funny Quotes Topics

17,623

Funny Quotes Images

15,565

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,556

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

Just realised if I have a kid, they’re likely to see the year 2100… WTF?

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

Hate when anxiety gives me stomach problems. Like, baby, you are supposed to be a mental disorder, please stay in your line.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

A genie that does my bidding would fix me.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

The bank just called and gave me the biggest compliment, said my balance is outstanding. I really needed that today.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

I wish I was as tired at bedtime as I am at 2 p.m. on any given day.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

Eating spaghetti to forgetti my regretti.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

Mothers be doing unnecessary housework and then get mad at you when they’re tired.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

Mad that so many renaissance artists were named after ninja turtles.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

When I get to work, I always hide first, because a good worker is always hard to find.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

Tuesday is no better than Monday.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Discord:

Not everyone realizes this, but if you clean the pile of receipts out of a purse and stack them together, it makes a teeny tiny book about why you’re broke.

Shared recently on Threads:

On the internet it’s super easy to take credit for stuff you had nothing to do with. That’s why I invented it.

Going viral on Slack:

If there’s no open mouth cougher on the plane they hold the flight until they can find one.

Spotted on Telegram:

My savings account has been empty for so long that a Spirit Halloween just opened up inside it.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Once again I feel like I slept in a washing machine.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Mission Impossible theme song plays in my head when I’m trying to remember a password.

Trending via Telegram:

I am “I can’t remember the last time I went out on New Year’s Eve” old.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Google Maps should start screaming the more wrong turns you make.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Don’t put words in my mouth—that’s where the hot dogs go.

Going viral on X:

Once you realize that the general public is retarded, you stop caring about how crazy you look to them.

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