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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

My 3 weeks without sweets were over after 12 hours. Proof that time runs faster with increasing age.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

“I bought this while depressed” should be an acceptable reason to get a full refund on a return.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

Sorry I can’t help you move, my hands are in permanent air quotes.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

Being friends with introverts is hard sometimes. Did they die? Are they just recharging? Are they Batman now? The suspense is killing me.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

Ever since I was a little kid, I knew I would be fraught with melancholy and nostalgia.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

Why did they call it long distance running and not fardio?

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

A social media post so confusing you turn your music down to read it.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

I’ve skipped midlife crisis and gone straight to birdwatching.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

I don’t understand the concept of “the man of your dreams”. Every time my wife wakes up after dreaming about me, she is really pissed off about something dream me did.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

I’m not lazy, I’m on power saving mode.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,424

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Why didn’t Scooby Doo smell that the ghosts were human?

Shared recently on Threads:

About to form my very first opinion.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Contrary to what we currently believe, we don’t choose afternoon naps. Afternoon naps choose us.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I don’t consider myself anything but average. However, I have aged well.

Just landed via Facebook:

You should be allowed to speed if good music is playing.

Making waves on TikTok:

I’m naturally funny cause my whole life is a joke.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

If she says “so just what exactly is THAT supposed to mean”, you’re gonna have a bad time.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

People my age are raising children, and I’m just here trying to bribe myself with treats into doing my own chores.

Trending via Messenger:

Let’s all stand up against iron deficiency (but not too fast).

Making waves on Facebook:

Don’t forget to brush your teeth, comb your hair, cleanse your face, and share my posts.

The worst part of a fender bender is having to get out of your car and meet a new person.

2 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous quote about car accidents and awkward encounters with new people.

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Commentary:
Meeting new people was not on my to-do list today! 🚗😅👋

accident, awkward, awkward situation, bender, car, car accident, driver, driver interaction, fender, fender bender, having, interaction, meet, meeting, new, new person, person, situation, worst

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80 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If I’m wrongly accused of a crime, I’m going to prison. I’m way too introverted to have an alibi.

73 shares on Slack this month:

I made up all these romantic scenarios in my brain and you’re not following the script.

43 shares on Messenger this month:

Normalize arguing with plants who refuse to stay alive.

27 shares on X this month:

This simulation is no longer boring, since they replaced management.

23 shares on Twitch this month:

Money does not buy happiness, but it’s better to cry in a sports car than on a bicycle.

23 shares on TikTok this month:

You should be able to google why a couple broke up.

32 shares on Pinterest this month:

Ghosting is disrespectful unless it’s me doing it.

90 shares on Messenger this month:

My life is based on a true story.

77 shares on LinkedIn this month:

You know it’s bad when even a cheeseburger doesn’t help.

68 shares on Messenger this month:

User: the word computer professionals use when they mean ‘idiot.’

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

Since the beginning of time itself, people have been wondering, what the hell is going on?

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

What is your favorite movie where Tom Cruise runs really fast?

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

Wow, this was a really long day of playing on my phone.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

It would be cool if, after you died, you could see the top 5 times you almost died.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

Explaining myself is too much work. Please just judge me.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

They should invent a January that doesn’t drain your will to live.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

Make your salad taste better by putting it between bread, meat, cheese, and Big Mac sauce.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

If you were the birthday gift I bought my wife some months ago, where would you be hiding?

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

Most of being a woman is just removing exclamation points from emails before you send them.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

I need a six-month vacation twice a year.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Discord:

Don’t ask me why, but the older you get, the more you love coffee.

Seen just now on Slack:

I wish I could be as excited about being awake as my dog is about me being awake.

Shared recently on Threads:

If you ever see me running, it’s either away from my problems or towards an ice cream van.

Spotted on Messenger:

“Doing the dishes” is completely pointless and only wastes water. You’re just going to put food on them again in a few hours.

Spreading quickly via X:

You will meet a girl who is very strange and a little bit evil. It’s really important that you don’t lose me.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Oh, I didn’t tell you? Must have been none of your business, then.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

You will be having the worst morning of your life and then someone will start mowing their lawn.

Trending via WeChat:

I’m not starting a presentation with “ladies and gentlemen”, I’m using the gender neutral “to those who heed my warnings”.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

I have to pee. Story of my life.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Whoever said it was okay to let your pets sleep in your bed, thanks a lot, now my goldfish is dead.

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Activity Log ✨

The worst part of a fender bender is having to get out of your car and meet a new person.

Never forget that, just a couple of years ago, people were justifying paying $20,000 for a JPEG of an ape.

The art of today’s art is to persuade people that it’s art.

As a woman, you need to forgive yourself for men you entertained when you had low self-esteem.

Boy, are you a piñata? Because I have an overwhelming urge to beat you with a stick.

Never feel bad when people roll their eyes while you talk to them. They’re just looking for their brain.

Waiting patiently for something good to happen, like that goat in Jurassic Park.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The worst part of a fender bender is having to get out of your car and meet a new person.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Never forget that, just a couple of years ago, people were justifying paying $20,000 for a JPEG of an ape.

The art of today’s art is to persuade people that it’s art.

As a woman, you need to forgive yourself for men you entertained when you had low self-esteem.

Boy, are you a piñata? Because I have an overwhelming urge to beat you with a stick.

Never feel bad when people roll their eyes while you talk to them. They’re just looking for their brain.

Waiting patiently for something good to happen, like that goat in Jurassic Park.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨