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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

I am like the weather. Temporarily friendly.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

Fun fact: The confetti you’ll see in Times Square tonight was made from one CVS receipt.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

Sorry, I can’t hang out. I don’t know enough words.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

Having to pee really puts things into perspective. Like, OK, none of this matters.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

My mom be cutting up fruit and bringing it to me in my room without saying nothing. That’s when it hits me, nobody ever gonna love me this much.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

I only attract psychopaths. If you’ve ever had a crush on me, find a therapist.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

I’m heading to the beach without a beach body.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

FOMO is a summer thing. Winter is all about FOGO (fear of going out).

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

Reading is a gateway drug to being less stupid.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

If Shakespeare were being born today, he’d be “Shaxxespyr.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,606

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Messenger:

“I can’t possibly lose this if I put it here” I say to myself before completely forgetting where here is.

Making waves on Threads:

It would be nice to see basic human decency make a comeback.

Live now on LinkedIn:

I believe in Bigfoot because Bigfoot believes in me.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Watching a movie and subtitles not syncing is low-key pain.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

None of the parenting books say what to do when your kids start calling you ‘Bruh.’

Going viral on TikTok:

Who needs therapy when you can just cry in a fast-food parking lot.

Making waves on Threads:

Prison pen pal doesn’t want us to write each other anymore. Finds my life too depressing.

Live now on Slack:

It’s okay to run away from the cops if you’re shy.

Trending via TikTok:

People tell me to just be myself like that would be a good thing.

Just landed via Facebook:

“I asked ChatGPT,” “I asked Grok,” yeah, well, I wipe away the hours conversing with the flowers.

There’s poetry in walking away without closing the door too loud.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Mastering the art of the ninja exit, leaving drama and noise in the dust 🥷🚪💨

away, closing, door, exit, humor, loud, noise, poetry, sound, subtlety, too, walking, walking away

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

You want to go out in the sun and then you can’t get the couch through the door.

0

2 months ago

activity, couch, door, fun, fun activity, humor, irony, outdoor, struggle, sun, want
When I was young, I couldn’t wait to be older. Well, I wasn’t expecting this shit!

0

2 months ago

adulting, aging, disappointment, frustration, humor, i, life, nostalgia, older, sarcasm, shit, wait, well, young
I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.

0

2 months ago

arguing, confidence, debate, explaining, humor, just, right, wit
The elderberry is the wisest and most knowledgeable of all the berries.

0

2 months ago

berry, elderberry, fruit, humor, knowledge, most, wisdom
Men have nice skin because they stress out everyone but themselves.

0

2 months ago

everyone, gender, humor, men, nice, self-care, skin, stress
The way men eat when they’re single is nothing short of dehumanizing.

0

2 months ago

behavior, dehumanizing, eat, eating, food, humor, men, nothing, relationship, short, single

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

90 shares on Twitch this month:

I need to go to jail for a while to catch up on all my reading.

83 shares on X this month:

Enjoy it now because you’re only going to get older and fatter.

57 shares on Telegram this month:

One night stands just make more sense for single people. Why would you need a night stand on both sides of the bed?

86 shares on X this month:

Spoiler alert: Eventually you will pay a price for the way you treated people.

99 shares on Telegram this month:

If you wave your keys in front of a giant house, people will think you own it.

61 shares on Snapchat this month:

What no one tells you about having kids is that within a few years you’re in possession of a lot of teeth that you have no idea what to do with.

34 shares on Instagram this month:

The Playstation is broken and the child has noticed that I live here too.

39 shares on Discord this month:

When my nudes go to the cloud, I always hope God is impressed.

19 shares on YouTube this month:

Isn’t your email address beautifulgirl@mydreams.com?

93 shares on Reddit this month:

Parents will discover a movie on Netflix that you can’t even imagine.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

The secret to a good marriage is that it’s all about give and take. Giving each other frequent back rubs and ordering lots of takeout.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

Wisdom of the day: Don’t do anything you don’t want to explain to the paramedic.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

Be the horrifying lore of your family’s lineage.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

When life gives you lemons, give them back and ask what the crap is all about.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

Be nice today, the world is on fire.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

No one comes off looking worse than the third party who was asked to interfere in a couple fight.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

Have kids so you can say things you never thought you would like “please don’t vacuum your sister”

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

Bartender asked me to give his place a one-star Google review to keep the vibe lowkey. Insane method.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

I love how we didn’t raise the minimum wage because it would make food more expensive, but then just made the food more expensive anyway.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

Movies in the 80s had me convinced that a main part of being a grown-up was staying late at the office and eating Chinese takeout.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on X:

Gardeners are the only people who willingly go outside to get dirty, sweaty, bitten, and sunburned… and call it “relaxing”.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I am not living la vida loca. I am loca because of la vida.

Just shared via X:

We are so shocked by “Butthead” that we ignore the strangeness of the name “Beavis”.

Freshly posted on X:

Guys have good pics on their dating profiles because their ex took them.

Just shared via Reddit:

Whoever has designed parking garages is either an architectural genius or an evil sadist.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

If cartoons have taught us anything, it’s the uselessness of little umbrellas when plummeting from a cliff.

Just shared via Facebook:

Maybe Baby wants to be put in the corner.

Going bananas on YouTube:

The lion does not concern himself with the check engine light.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

When I was a little kid, I used to think, “This little pig went to market,” meant it was going shopping!

Shared recently on Twitch:

The only thing I gained so far this year is weight.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

There’s poetry in walking away without closing the door too loud.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

You want to go out in the sun and then you can’t get the couch through the door.

When I was young, I couldn’t wait to be older. Well, I wasn’t expecting this shit!

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.

The elderberry is the wisest and most knowledgeable of all the berries.

Men have nice skin because they stress out everyone but themselves.

The way men eat when they’re single is nothing short of dehumanizing.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨