Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal struggle between punctuality and perfection! 🕰️⏳ Who has the time to be punctual when you're busy crafting greatness? 😄 Better late with flair than early and bland, am I right? ⏰🤷‍♂️"

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My Christmas letter this year includes a bonus DVD of my colonoscopy.

2 weeks ago

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I do not care how bad the relationship is, I am NOT calling a radio station for advice.

3 weeks ago

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Call me a glitch, cause I’m definitely messing with your system.

3 weeks ago

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Do you ever feel like you’re a white shirt and life is a red wine?

3 weeks ago

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I eat my first meal of the day in the afternoon, bro. Don’t ask me for advice.

1 week ago

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Math is like Chinese to me.

3 weeks ago

Chinese, confusion, education, humor, language, math, me, perception

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Social Media Stars ⭐

51 shares on Threads this month:

DMs full of guys who wouldn’t know what to do with me.

98 shares on Instagram this month:

Kids today will never understand how many ninjas there were in the 1980s.

42 shares on Snapchat this month:

Don’t ever let your computer feel that you’re in a hurry, cause they’re gonna slow down more.

98 shares on Facebook this month:

You will give your period 50 acres of prime pad, and it will still choose to encroach on your underwear.

65 shares on Slack this month:

Is he trying to pronounce “charcuterie” or is he having a stroke?

36 shares on Discord this month:

Your secret is safe with me and my sister.

49 shares on Reddit this month:

The amount of water you actually need to drink to be hydrated is so obscene. Who does this body think it is? A data center?

48 shares on Twitch this month:

I feel like the person who named pink eye also named orange juice.

100 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m shocked it offended you, I was certain someone was gonna need to explain it to you.

56 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Discovered a new coping mechanism called lashing out and making your loved ones resent you.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

Pretty sure the guy in front of me at McDonald’s ordered the rest of the food.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

Twitter is the most fun you can have on the toilet.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

Here’s to another day of outward smiles and inward screams.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

None of this matters and we are all going to die. Have a great weekend!

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

Remember when the FBI would threaten you at the beginning of every VHS tape? That was pretty cool.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

Me every time I wake up: Oh no, not again!

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

One of the toughest jobs in parenting is serving the inevitable eviction notice on your kid’s pillow fort.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

In your 20s, you will be tempted to prove that you’re doing well. It’s important you resist performing for an audience that isn’t watching.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

Don’t forget to overestimate your importance today.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

Interviewer: Give an example of a difficult scenario and how you handled it. Me: I poured a bowl of cereal but had no milk, so I used ice cream.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Facebook:

I’ve been heading in the wrong direction for most of my life, but since the earth is round, I’m just going to stick with it and see it through.

Making waves on Twitch:

Amazing how fast my addiction to my phone is cured the moment I get a phone call.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Tried online dating, and it turns out my soulmate is a Nigerian prince who needs my bank details to escape his kingdom.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Post beach shower is undefeated. Greatest feeling a human could experience. Throw a nap in there, and you will never touch serenity so close.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Too many toilets have automatically flushed underneath me for me not to have reservations about self-driving cars.

Trending via Snapchat:

Beginning of August is always wild because it’s peak summertime, but the veil is so thin, like it’s Halloween.

Going viral on Facebook:

Sunday night: Super Bowl party! Monday morning: Toilet Bowl party!

Shared recently on Discord:

Oh, gross. I didn’t know there was protein in this powder. I was only drinking it for the lead.

Just shared via Reddit:

My favorite date activity is ice skating because I’m really good at it, and it allows me to assert dominance on the ice.

Just landed via Telegram:

It’s always a huge relief when I’m reading a list of symptoms of a deadly disease, and it says unexplained weight loss.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

They say the best things take time. That’s why I’m always late.

Keep the laugh going 😂

My Christmas letter this year includes a bonus DVD of my colonoscopy.

I do not care how bad the relationship is, I am NOT calling a radio station for advice.

Call me a glitch, cause I’m definitely messing with your system.

Do you ever feel like you’re a white shirt and life is a red wine?

I eat my first meal of the day in the afternoon, bro. Don’t ask me for advice.

Math is like Chinese to me.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨