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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

The invention of locks was a key turning point in history.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

Gutted to report that spending a day offline, touching grass with my friends, was phenomenal for my mental health.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

Sorry, I said yippee when you took off your pants. Do you still think I’m hot?

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

I ordered a new umbrella on Amazon and had it delivered straight to the lost and found office to maximize efficiency.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

What if AirPods had tongues and they started licking the inside of your ears to indicate they’re low on battery?

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

At my age, I’m more frightened of a hip break than a heartbreak.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

I love when my brain cells kiss and I have an idea.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

Why do my fully charged AirPods deplete at different rates? Do I listen harder out of one ear?

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

The best part of getting older? I can wake up on my day off, without an alarm, at the same time my alarm would go off.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

“A healthy lifestyle is all about balance,” I say as I drive through Taco Bell after working out.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,526

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Discord:

They say it is hard to look at lips that you are not allowed to kiss. You do not know how hard it is to look at a face that you are not allowed to hit.

Going viral on X:

Women are actually very understanding if you’re honest with them, especially if they like you. You don’t even have to do all that lying.

Just shared via Messenger:

“What’s your music taste?” Don’t know, man. If it sounds good, I’m adding it to the playlist.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

My summer body is just my winter body with better lighting.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Our parents just don’t know how far we rode the bikes when we were young.

Making waves on Twitch:

Someone yelled “hey, retard!” and I looked back.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

I’m not lazy, I’m an inactivist.

Live now on Pinterest:

This meeting could have been an oil painting.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I googled my symptoms and it turns out I just need this election to be over.

Making waves on Messenger:

Behind every strong, independent woman… is a dog that follows her to the bathroom.

Twitter is basically everyone’s therapist’s couch.

4 weeks ago

Humorous quip about social media, comparing Twitter to a therapist's couch.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Twitter: where we overshare our deepest thoughts to strangers, hoping for some virtual therapy sessions 🛋️💬 #TherapyTweeting"

couch, expression, health, humor, media, mental, mental health, online, online therapy, social, social media, therapist, therapy, Twitter

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

73 shares on Messenger this month:

Bone broth? Oh, you mean skeleton soup.

57 shares on Discord this month:

Can we bring back the lost art of just hanging out at your friends house doing absolutely nothing?

12 shares on Discord this month:

Any room can be an escape room when you have diarrhea.

72 shares on Twitch this month:

The thing about Pink Floyd is they take a little while to start singing.

18 shares on Instagram this month:

You’re never too old or too stupid to become older and stupider.

15 shares on WeChat this month:

Don’t worry, darling, you won’t break me. Someone already beat you to it.

62 shares on Snapchat this month:

I accidentally used my dog’s shampoo today, and now I’m feeling like such a good girl.

60 shares on X this month:

My theory is that women’s voices contain frequencies that men simply can’t hear.

77 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m the guy at Apple who makes sure all your featured photos are your exes and your dog that died.

15 shares on X this month:

If you’re just talking nonsense all the time and not thinking about what you’re doing, you’re either in love or at the office.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

Sorry if I seem sad, I got a new long-sleeve shirt for fall, but I haven’t been able to wear it yet because it’s 94°.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

The same mosquito kept biting me last night. It probably thought it was at a wine tasting.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

The Angry Birds assaulted me and made me rip their disgusting bong.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

The next James Bond should be weird. Like he wears a train conductor’s hat and is afraid of balloons.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

I have a brain that wants to be alone, and a heart that wants to be loved.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

I already want to come home from work tomorrow.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

The other day, I got the crazy idea to see if I could still do a cartwheel. I can’t.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

Social anxiety so bad I wonder if I’m welcome at places I was invited to.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

I hate porn that starts off with sex. I need to know why they have sex.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Don’t be alarmed at my semicolon usage; I’m a professional.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Nobody defends billionaires better than dudes making $50,000 a year.

Spotted on WeChat:

I really admire the suns ability to be exactly where my car’s visor can’t block it out.

Making waves on Slack:

My life would be pointless without cheese. Or as the famous song goes: “Ain’t no sunshine when cheese gone!”

Making waves on Reddit:

Welcome to your 40s: you get tired from sleeping now.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Studies show that sleepwalking has decreased among Americans over the last 10 years. Typical lazy Americans.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Humans were not meant to have this many passwords.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I was once told that if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. Due to this, I’ve been observing a vow of silence since 1997.

Seen just now on Slack:

You know who else works in mysterious ways? Me.

Going viral on Facebook:

They need to invent a dishwasher with a window on it. I have to know what goes on in there.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Twitter is basically everyone’s therapist’s couch.

I do not want to have a career. I want to sit on the porch.

My New Year’s resolution is to emit a powerful beam of light.

Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.

I often got called “an old soul” and such like by adults when I was a child. I think this was a kind way of saying I was a sad little freak.

We’d all look younger if we just avoided young people.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Twitter is basically everyone’s therapist’s couch.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I do not want to have a career. I want to sit on the porch.

My New Year’s resolution is to emit a powerful beam of light.

Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.

I often got called “an old soul” and such like by adults when I was a child. I think this was a kind way of saying I was a sad little freak.

Twitter when Franz Ferdinand got shot would have been the best day ever.

We’d all look younger if we just avoided young people.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨