Watched a movie on Netflix last night that was so bad, I walked out of my own house.

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The main difference between my dog and my kid is my dog responds to her name being called.

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If you are influenced by influencers, you’re beyond retarded.

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Sitting in an antique chair is weird, like this thing has seen so many butts.

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Ripped a tag off my leggings and did not realize it was load-bearing.

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I’m staying up past midnight this New Year’s eve. Not to welcome the new year, but to make sure this one is over.

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Sometimes I need a break from myself but it’s like, ugh, everywhere I go there I am.

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We need a streaming service that’s only ads. No shows, just commercials. They pay us $15 a month.