Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

Looking for someone to take to couples therapy and see how long it takes the therapist to notice we don’t know each other.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

I’m doing well at accomplishing nothing today and I’m very proud of myself.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

I love how women can go from obsessed to not interested at all when a man makes that one wrong move.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

In my experience, bowling and pancakes have the same energy. High hopes at the beginning, lowered self-esteem at the end.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

I forgot the word “espresso” so I asked the barista for a smaller, angrier coffee.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

Moms be like, “Your cousin’s neighbor’s husband’s aunt died. Just thought you should know.”

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

Every Microsoft Teams invite you get lowers your testosterone by 1-2%

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

You ever get into such a weird mood you have to put yourself on house arrest for a couple days?

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

God’s plan for me is super weird so far.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

Can you check if my lips taste like cherries?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,502

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Twitch:

Back in the day, you used to have to listen to records backwards to discover conspiracy theories.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Having a sore throat as a giraffe must really suck.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I just ate, and now I’m going swimming, so I guess this is goodbye.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

If my trainee says “oh God” one more time, he’s going to meet him.

Live now on Twitch:

I hate that I’m so indecisive. Actually, I don’t know if hate is the right word.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I call my smoke detector Gordon Ramsay, because every time I cook it screams at me.

Seen just now on Messenger:

My thighs are bigger than my chances in life.

Shared recently on Telegram:

People my age are on baby #2, and I’m on drink #5.

Welcome to middle age. Everything you encounter is either blurry or too loud now.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Middle age: the era of squinting at the remote and politely asking the blender to keep it down 😂🔍🔊

age, aging, blurry, encounter, everything, eyesight, hearing, humor, loud, middle, middle age, too, welcome

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Almonds are a scam. They are wood. You are eating wood.

0

2 months ago

almond, eating, food, humor, joke, sarcasm, scam, wood
How many times does one have to open the fridge door before cake appears inside?

0

2 months ago

before, cake, dessert, door, expectation, food, fridge, humor, inside, open, patience, times, waiting
Two bros having a conversation in the 1700s like “omg, we should totally start a pamphlet”

0

2 months ago

1700s, anachronism, bro, conversation, friendship, having, history, humor, pamphlet, should, start
Beer is Narcan for when you overdose on Microsoft Teams.

0

2 months ago

alcohol, beer, humor, meeting, microsoft, Microsoft Teams, Narcan, overdose, recovery, Teams, work
This place was really tidy yesterday. It’s a shame you missed it.

0

2 months ago

humor, irony, missed, place, shame, tidy, yesterday
Touch my butt, not my coffee.

0

2 months ago

boundary, butt, cheek, coffee, humor, personal, personal space, playful, space, touch

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

66 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I hate when people tell me I need to “get out of my comfort zone,” like I don’t even have a comfort zone; I am literally always uncomfortable.

45 shares on Snapchat this month:

Arab perfumes have zero chill… the entire street knows you’ve arrived.

32 shares on Twitch this month:

Somethіng wrong іn your lіfe? There’s a nap for that.

23 shares on Telegram this month:

One week of daily crunches and I have abs…urdly underestimated how long it will take to see results.

66 shares on Threads this month:

My idea of fun is watching something on the TV while I look at relevant Wikipedia articles on my phone.

51 shares on Snapchat this month:

Do you say “Excuse me” to your pet when you walk by them, or are you rude?

78 shares on Telegram this month:

Liking sports is great because you’ll have a bad day, then here your team comes to make it worse.

88 shares on Discord this month:

I accidentally clicked on an ad, so I guess I will see that product all over my phone until I’m dead.

29 shares on Messenger this month:

Daily reminder that you’re biologically programmed to get laid, eat good food, connect with other humans, and enjoy yourself. Everything else is literally made up.

39 shares on WeChat this month:

Nothing refreshes my memory of what I need at the grocery store like coming home from the grocery store.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

If you’re just talking nonsense all the time and not thinking about what you’re doing, you’re either in love or at the office.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

Don’t be sad, laundry, nobody’s doing me either.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

The week before your period doesn’t make any sense… until you realize it’s the week before your period.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

Pretty girls don’t compete. We sit pretty, count blessings, and ignore weird energy.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

I met my wife at a singles night. I was surprised as I thought she was at home with the kids.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

If a billionaire is telling you to vote for someone, it’s probably in your best interest to vote for the other person.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

Americans be like, “MM:DD:YY” is how you say dates verbally, and then have a national holiday called “4th of July.”

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

Toddlers will take your last nerve, deep fry it and eat it for breakfast.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

The breathing exercises from the birth preparation course are only needed once the child has reached puberty.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

Meteorologists are always talking about the weather and hardly ever about meteors.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Instagram:

Don’t ask me ‘how are you?’ unless you’re willing to sign an NDA.

Going viral on Reddit:

Winnie the Pooh had the right idea in this goddam heat. Crop top with his honey pot facing the world.

Just landed via Facebook:

Whenever I get up my cat gets up too and then yells at me like it’s my fault she decided we have to do this together.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.

Trending via Telegram:

You can’t tell me there’s anything better than earplugs; I simply will not hear it.

Making waves on Threads:

If a man speaks in the forest and his wife is not there to hear him, is he still wrong?

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I saw someone wearing a shirt today that said “Eat Pasta Run Fasta,” and I can’t get it out of my head.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

I dropped and broke my phone today. Hurt more than childbirth!

Seen just now on TikTok:

It’s only a family vacation if you think “We’re never doing this again” at least once.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Nothing guarantees running into someone you know in public better than looking like a feral animal on two hours of sleep.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Welcome to middle age. Everything you encounter is either blurry or too loud now.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Almonds are a scam. They are wood. You are eating wood.

How many times does one have to open the fridge door before cake appears inside?

Two bros having a conversation in the 1700s like “omg, we should totally start a pamphlet”

Beer is Narcan for when you overdose on Microsoft Teams.

This place was really tidy yesterday. It’s a shame you missed it.

Touch my butt, not my coffee.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨