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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

The easiest way to shop with kids is not to.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

My lotion bottle says to use it on areas of irritation, so I slathered it all over my coworker, Deborah.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

My husband is looking for the remote control. I need everyone to stand up for a minute.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

A baby cow is called a calf because it’s half a cow. Half cow. Calf. No further questions.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

How do I gracefully leave this party early but also take the queso dip with me?

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

Nothing humbles me faster than my phone camera accidentally turning on.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

Don’t give up, we must remain silly.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

Don’t forget to be mean to strangers on the internet today, for no reason whatsoever.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

I have friends in high places (birds).

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

It’s leg day. No, not at the gym, dummy. I’m shaving them.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,695

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Slack:

Being old is basically trying to figure out what part of the body the noise is coming from, and why.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Remember when downloading a song in under 5 minutes was considered progress?

Spotted on Threads:

When your name is Jenn, people think it’s short for Jennifer, but it’s really short for Jennatalia.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Coworker: Where are you going after work? Me: Away from you.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

She was rare, like a shopping cart at the grocery without a wobbly wheel.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Do you ever find yourself just thinkin’ about bread?

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Have you ever pretended not to look at the biscuits or sweets being handed around the room, and acted surprised when you got offered one?

Breaking via Facebook:

Someone tongue kissed me recently in a way I can only describe as 5th base.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Floppy disks are like Jesus. They died to become the icon of saving.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I just wanna be rich enough to not have to run onstage after concerts to get my bra back.

Went to the gym two days in a row. This is a fitness account now.

6 months ago

0

Went to the gym two days in a row. This is a fitness account now.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Two days in a row? I'm basically a fitness influencer now! 😅💪 #GymLife

account, days, exercise, fitness, gym, humor, motivation, routine, row, workout

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Considering that doctors are never on time, they should tell you to come a half hour late, not early.

0

2 months ago

appointment, doctor, early, hour, humor, irony, late, never, should, tell, time, waiting
I hate it when I turn on the car in the morning and the music starts blasting… It’s like, woah, I’m not the same person I was last night.

0

2 months ago

car, humor, last, morning, music, night, person, relatable, transformation, turn
Blowing kisses to my coworkers so that nobody talks to me today.

0

2 months ago

coworkers, humor, isolation, kisses, me, nobody, talk, today, work
“Turn down for what?” My ears, fella. My ears.

0

2 months ago

ears, humor, music, reaction, turn, turn down
At least I’m part of the generation that at 30 still looks like it’s in its early 20s.

0

2 months ago

20s, 30, age, early, early 20’s, generation, humor, least, looks, self-perception, still, youth
Having a loose stool means two completely different things depending on if you are a nurse or a bartender.

0

2 months ago

bartender, context, difference, drinking, humor, job, job difference, loose, loose stool, means, medical, nurse, profession, stool, things

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

91 shares on Reddit this month:

“You don’t load the dishwasher right,” I said to my wife just before it permanently became my job.

23 shares on Reddit this month:

Life is like bread. It gets hard at some point.

29 shares on Discord this month:

There is always enough for the needy, there is never enough for the greedy.

50 shares on Slack this month:

If you get drunk and message your ex, don’t worry. When you wake up, send bitcoin ads and pretend you were hacked.

38 shares on TikTok this month:

Can’t. Too busy saving daylight.

36 shares on Instagram this month:

Me (seductively looking at a potato): would mash.

62 shares on Messenger this month:

Really miss the drama of being able to angrily shut a flip phone.

70 shares on YouTube this month:

They should invent a day where I feel normal.

70 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Stop checking your phone every minute. No one loves you.

31 shares on YouTube this month:

When people don’t drink coffee, it’s like, okay, but how do you solve the problem of being awake?

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Was complaining to my mom about my daughter’s attitude and she told me I should’ve named her payback.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

In the 80s, you could literally shrink your kids with a shrink-ray, and your wife wouldn’t divorce you. I’m pretty sure I saw a documentary film about it.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

My sleeping pattern isn’t even a pattern anymore. It’s a lifestyle.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m going to need to speak with the flowers about this.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t wanna party like it’s 1999, I want to pay my bills like it’s 1999.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Headed to a wedding but my wife said I’m not allowed to refer to the bride as ‘the veiled threat.’

7 folks are currently checking 👀

My goal for next month is small, simple, and clear: change my whole entire life.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

God: “I told you to love thy neighbor – not start trade wars with them.”

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I always take two stairs at a time, that way if I fall, it’s only half the distance.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

What an embarrassing time to be alive.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,470

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

You can tell you’re getting old when the barber spends less time on the top of your head and more time on your ears.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

Anyone know how to create an Outlook rule that sends every email to junk, deletes it, blocks the sender, and sets my laptop on fire?

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

I love being a pretty woman because it widens the threshold for cringe-worthy things I can say.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

Body: time to fall asleep. Brain: hey, that’s an interesting thought, here’s six billion more.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

Why do chefs always have to cut everything so fast? It’s just an onion man, why don’t you relax?

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

We have decided to sell the house. How long do you think it will take for our landlord to find out?

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

I have a question and my question is, how can I look so cute in the mirror but like such a baked potato in pictures?

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

Woke up, twerked in the mirror and laid back down.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

Women’s fall fashion is basically coming up with ways to wear a blanket without it looking like you’re wearing a blanket.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

I caught two kids smoking pot outside my office. Fifteen minutes later, my boss caught me and two kids smoking pot outside my office.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on TikTok:

I want time to sit and read, take a nap and snack. Basically, I want to be in Kindergarten.

Just landed via Telegram:

If anime hair were real, there would be so much color dysmorphia. Like, imagine getting brown. I would be so pissed.

Making waves on Slack:

Asking “how’s the job hunt going?” is a lot like asking “did you come?” I promise you, you’d hear if there was any success.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Currently accepting DMs from any man with a sturdy bunker on his property.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Unfortunately, I wasn’t built for casual dating, I’m only built for intense soul crushing love at first sight.

Just landed via Slack:

Have to connect the printer to my new laptop, and my goal is to cry no more than three times.

Making waves on X:

According to your ex, what’s exactly wrong with you?

Just landed via Snapchat:

As a proud husband and father in my 40s, my New Year’s resolution is to sneeze even louder this year.

Going bananas on Discord:

Most people who have found themselves are amazed to discover that there is nothing there at all.

Seen just now on TikTok:

The rule should be: if you can smell the cookout, you’re invited to the cookout.

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