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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

I asked my doctor if I’m healthy enough for sex and he told me I’m not even sexy enough for health.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

If you haven’t felt old yet today, try explaining to a teenager how little kids used to sit on a phone book at dinner to be able to reach the table.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

I’m an adult, that’s why I can have Skittles for dinner.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

The feelings I have for Tom Cruise are the closest approximation I have to what patriotism must feel like.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

When I was a little kid, I used to think, “This little pig went to market,” meant it was going shopping!

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

Whenever I have a headache, I take 2 aspirin and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

Accidentally falling asleep on the couch is somehow always the best sleep.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,884

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on WeChat:

You ever got inside jokes with yourself, or is that schizophrenia?

Shared recently on Facebook:

In honor of the last eclipse, I will also get in the way of someone brighter than me.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

If you don’t laugh at my jokes then I will.

Making waves on Facebook:

I lied, I’m jealous. I hope every girl who looks at you gets clipped by a meteor.

Just shared via Twitch:

People complain about jury duty as if listening to true crime all day and being sequestered at night isn’t secretly every mother’s fantasy.

Spotted on Telegram:

Call me a glitch, cause I’m definitely messing with your system.

Going viral on Reddit:

I tried a onesome before, but I started catching feelings.

A female will ghost you, and the whole time she is waiting for you to text back again.

5 months ago

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Commentary:
When she ghosts you but keeps hitting refresh on her message app like it's the stock market 📈👻📱

again, back, communication, female, ghost, ghosting, relationship, text, texting, time, waiting, whole

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I am re-watching “Narcos,” and I have to say that for someone who smokes so much weed, Pablo Escobar gets a lot done.

1 month ago
am, crime, crime show, done, drug, escobar, humor, i, lot, marijuana, motivation, much, Narcos, pablo, Pablo Escobar, productivity, say, show, smoking, someone, weed
If you turn your phone upside down, the stock market is actually doing quite well.

1 month ago
actually, doing, financial, humor, irony, joke, market, perspective, phone, stock, stock market, turn, upside, upside down, well
Laundry has to be the most sinister chore. Always waiting, always lurking.

1 month ago
always, chore, household, humor, laundry, lurking, most, relatable, sinister, tasks, waiting
Before I drink, I eat liver so the liquor won’t know which liver to attack.

1 month ago
alcohol, attack, before, drink, drinking, eat, food, health, humor, i, joke, know, liquor, liver, parody, prevention
Anytime a guy says “that’s what she said” always reply with “yeah, but not to you”.

2 months ago
always, anytime, context, conversation, guy, humor, joke, reply, sarcasm, wit
From now on, I’m gonna tell guests that I made my house especially messy just for their visit. It was hard, but I got it done.

1 month ago
done, got, guest, guests, hard, home, hospitality, house, housekeeping, humor, i, joke, just, mess, messy, prank, tell, visit

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

Only 6 hours, 45 minutes and 35 years until I’m done with work.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

They said I can never go back to that Vietnamese spot. They banh mi pho life.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

My son is teaching himself Christmas songs on the trumpet, proving things can be both beautiful and annoying.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

I don’t understand people who do things on weekends. You just did things all week. What’s next, more things? That’s how they get you.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

You only live once and thank God for that.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

Whoever said diamonds are a girl’s best friend clearly has never met shredded cheese.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

“What fresh hell is this?“ It’s actually the same hell as yesterday. Not fresh at all, really.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Your coworkers are your friends; stop working and hang out.

Breaking via Messenger:

Since I stopped texting first, I haven’t heard from a lot of people in a while.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Aliens are coming to Earth, people are going to the Moon, and I am still pushing on a door that says pull.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Why put off until tomorrow what you can have an intern do today?

Going viral on Pinterest:

I’m not flirting with you. I’m just funny and you think you like me.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Out of sheer boredom, I opened the front door and rang the doorbell. I was so happy.

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Activity Log ✨

A female will ghost you, and the whole time she is waiting for you to text back again.

I am re-watching “Narcos,” and I have to say that for someone who smokes so much weed, Pablo Escobar gets a lot done.

If you turn your phone upside down, the stock market is actually doing quite well.

Laundry has to be the most sinister chore. Always waiting, always lurking.

Before I drink, I eat liver so the liquor won’t know which liver to attack.

Anytime a guy says “that’s what she said” always reply with “yeah, but not to you”.

From now on, I’m gonna tell guests that I made my house especially messy just for their visit. It was hard, but I got it done.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

If Stranger Things was British, it would be called ‘Bit odd, innit?’

Stop normalizing things, we’ll run out of the weird shit.

Had calamari for the first time ever, and it wasn’t that bad. Maybe I’ll try marriage next.

It’s time to stare blankly at my wall for hours straight and think about where I went wrong with my life.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Sorry I missed your call, I was staring in horror at the screen, wondering why on earth you couldn’t just text me.

A fabric tomato filled with needles. Don’t see that much anymore.

Maybe if we paid our streaming services even more, they could stop jacking up the volume on the commercials they make us watch, even though we are paying for the service.

I have re-entered the Band of Brothers rewatch stage of male depression.

You can’t convince me that 2020 didn’t open a portal to hell that we’re still living in.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Dating app that matches you based on your risk tolerance for airport arrival timing.

I may join the cicadas this summer and just scream for six weeks straight.

Pretty messed up that my body, a chemistry lab made of meat, simply chooses to make me feel a little bit nervous for no reason.

As a kid, I was worried about randomly disappearing into the Bermuda Triangle forever. As an adult, I’m wondering how I can actually make that happen.

I was actually doing so well until your email found me.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I read all your bumper stickers and now we’re both stupid.

Whenever I go down the stairs next to an escalator, I always move faster than the escalator to prove to the people I made the better decision.

We go together like Drunk and Disorderly.

I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control. I thought to myself, “Wow, this changes everything.”

Life tip: If all of your bathrooms are full and you’re waiting for someone to finish, just turn off the WiFi in the house.

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A female will ghost you, and the whole time she is waiting for you to text back again.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I am re-watching “Narcos,” and I have to say that for someone who smokes so much weed, Pablo Escobar gets a lot done.

If you turn your phone upside down, the stock market is actually doing quite well.

Laundry has to be the most sinister chore. Always waiting, always lurking.

Before I drink, I eat liver so the liquor won’t know which liver to attack.

Anytime a guy says “that’s what she said” always reply with “yeah, but not to you”.

From now on, I’m gonna tell guests that I made my house especially messy just for their visit. It was hard, but I got it done.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

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