Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

Me: “I’m still young.” My bones: “No, we not.”

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

I just want what every middle-aged person wants: to remember what it was that I wanted.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

The next James Bond should be weird. Like he wears a train conductor’s hat and is afraid of balloons.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

Getting mad when an app updates and changes their format is the new “rearranged grocery store” for me.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

When I’m president, everyone who listens to techno, house or rap will be allowed to drive a little faster than others.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

Might put on a bikini and run through your DMs.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

Thinking about ignoring daily mess by creating new holiday decor mess.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

Me, in heaven: Can you take a photo of me sitting on that cloud?

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

Might mess around and reply “history will absolve me” to all work emails.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

You can eat cheesecake for breakfast if you want to. No one can stop you. The police can’t even stop you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

730 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,892

Funny Quotes Topics

13,871

Funny Quotes Images

10,892

38 minutes ago

3,440

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Threads:

My sleeping cycle is completely backwards. In the morning I feel sleepy and at night I can’t fall asleep.

Reported on Snapchat:

Imagine earning a science degree then having to be a meteorologist who announces the prophecy of a groundhog.

Going viral on WeChat:

Sleep is a beautiful thing. You don’t miss anyone, you can’t do anything wrong and you simply feel nothing.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

My sex face is the same as my first pee in three hours face.

Trending via Twitch:

I don’t understand why “family-run” should be a sign of quality. North Korea, for example, is also family-run and doesn’t convince me at all.

Live now on Twitch:

Don’t bother telling me where you’re from, I have no geographical knowledge and no sense of direction.

Live now on Twitch:

Apologies about the delay to your flight. We’re just waiting for one 3D printed part, but apparently a ‘fuselage’ takes a little time.

Shared recently on Slack:

Can I come over and circle you like a vulture?

Reported on Messenger:

Karma has taught me to never laugh at a stranger being attacked by a seagull.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Relationship status: nobody is cheating on me so that’s pretty neat.

Home » Funny Account Quotes

35 Funny account quotes

Funny account quotes 🎉 are the perfect way to sprinkle humor into your day 😂, turning mundane moments into laugh-out-loud memories 🤣. Whether you’re scrolling through social media or searching for a witty caption, these quotes offer a delightful escape from the ordinary 🏝️. Enjoy a giggle or two, and share the joy with friends 👯‍♂️. Let’s keep the fun rolling and the smiles glowing 😄!

New funny account quotes 👇

2 weeks ago
Share →: Me, having zero balance in my account, viewing houses worth 10 million, and being like, “No, I don’t like the kitchen.”

Commentary:
"Dream big or go home… oh wait, I can't afford that either! 😅🏠💸 #KitchenCriticWithEmptyPockets"
3 weeks ago
Share →: Kinda rude when I spend money, and it actually leaves my bank account. But okay.

Commentary:
"Honestly, where's the loyalty, bank account? 😂💸 #BetrayedByMyBalance"
3 weeks ago
Share →: Hot girls have a private Instagram account with 20 followers.

Commentary:
"When you’re hotter than your follower count 🔥📉 #ExclusiveClub"
1 month ago
Share →: I wonder if my bank account thinks about me and has panic attacks.

Commentary:
"Pretty sure my bank account's therapist is on speed dial! 😂💸 #FinancialAnxiety"
1 month ago
Share →: Me summer vacation planning: I’m going to Europe. Bank account: You’re going camping.

Commentary:
"Me imagining a sunset in Paris, while my wallet is packing marshmallows for a tent adventure 😂🏕️💸"
1 month ago
Share →: I need to stop living by the words “life is short.” It’s hurting my bank account.

Commentary:
"Looks like my wallet is on a permanent diet! 🤑💸 #YOLOgonewrong"
2 months ago
Share →: You’re not depressed. You just need $250,000 in your bank account.

Commentary:
"Who needs therapy when there's a Benjamin facelift for the soul? 💸😂 #RetailTherapyNotIncluded"
2 months ago
Share →: My career goal is to be able to just delete my LinkedIn account at some point.

Commentary:
😂 "Living the dream: deleting LinkedIn and vanishing like a professional ninja! 🥷💨 #CareerGoals"
3 months ago
Share →: I want someone to care for me as much as Netflix cares if someone has logged into my account from another device.

Commentary:
"Finding someone who cares for you like Netflix cares about unauthorized account access is the real goal in life. 🕵️‍♂️🔒 Let's hope for a love that's just as vigilant and committed to our well-being! ❤️📺 #RelationshipGoals"
4 months ago
Share →: My bank account is also in retrograde.

Commentary:
"Looks like even your bank account is feeling the cosmic vibes! 🌌💸 Just remember, Mercury might be in retrograde, but your money doesn't have to be spinning in circles too! 😂💰"

For even more funny account quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny account quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

730 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,892

Funny Quotes Topics

13,871

Funny Quotes Images

10,892

38 minutes ago

3,431

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

Before Facebook, we would hold people hostage inside our homes by showing them photo albums of our vacation.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

Mirror, mirror on the wall, why so many fingerprints?

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

My son just turned an everything bagel into an everywhere bagel.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

“Why does my back always hurt?”, I say, while never sitting upright in a chair.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

Stores should accept “I bought this while depressed” as a valid reason for a return.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

The purpose of life is to go insane sooner or later.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

I wonder if the guy who came up with the term “One Hit Wonder” came up with any other phrases?

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

Don’t tell me to trust my gut. Thats where I put my snacks. Clearly that’s where I’m the weakest.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

The real miracle is how Jesus managed to book a table for twenty-six people on the night before the Easter holiday, and then only half them showed up.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

I’m naturally funny cause my whole life is a joke.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

I’ve got a couple of eyebrow hairs that want me to be a villain.

Just landed via Facebook:

If you know karate, you shouldn’t have to pay for stuff.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Why can’t the house clean itself? It seems to get dirty by itself.

Trending via Pinterest:

I don’t get it when people say they are only a “little” angry, I am either not mad or will kill you.

Just shared via Pinterest:

THRILLED to announce I did an Ironman this weekend! Attended 3 social gatherings in 3 days.

Live now on Telegram:

My dogs have learned that whenever they hear the f-word in the kitchen, there’s now food on the floor.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I’ve learned a lot over the years, but the best advice I can ever give someone is never buy a used harmonica.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Nasa is launching a satellite to say sorry to the aliens. They’re calling it the Apollo G.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Jury duty is a wild concept. Whenever the government wants, they can just be like “Call off work, bestie, we need you to solve a murder. Here’s fifteen dollars.”

Reported on Telegram:

Yesterday I wore something from 5 years ago and it actually fit. So proud of myself. It was a scarf, but still, let’s be positive here.

Share Wordgag 🙏

© 2025. All fights retarded. 🤪

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴