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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

I have feelings for you but you have to guess which ones.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

Get married and have kids so that you can Google things like “How to teach your kid to not bite”.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

I’m not fat. I just eat in advance.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

The secret to being a private person is to overshare dumb shit so people think you are an open book but then not tell them any of the important details of your life.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

Adults should get spring break from their jobs.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

Twitter is evidence that insane people can be extremely entertaining from a safe distance.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

Need to clean the fridge, so I’m going to do the responsible thing and drink wine instead.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

I don’t have a favorite vampire. If you ask me, they all suck.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

Most people have 32 teeth. Some have 10. Simple meth.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

Cholesterol has a special place in my heart.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,621

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Liquor on the top shelf is so expensive because the bartender has to stand on their tippy toes to reach it.

Just landed via Slack:

You know you got a bad haircut when she insists on giving you a $10 discount.

Just landed via Messenger:

I would like to thank everyone who destroyed me into the person I am today.

Going viral on Twitch:

Can’t, holding a grudge.

Making waves on Telegram:

Tiime isn’t on my side, it’s on my face, wrinkling my forehead.

Trending via Twitch:

I believe my ex-wife is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

Just landed via Messenger:

I keep all my valuables near the front door so if burglars breaks in during the night they will not wake me up.

Trending via Instagram:

Sex makes you happy. So I understand your dissatisfaction.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

We can put a man on the moon but we can’t find a good way to drink wine from a lying down position.

Going bananas on Messenger:

First caveman to see fire: Well, this is a buncha bullshit that no one needs (stomps it out) and I predict that’s the last I’ll ever see of that.

When I am calculating any risk, I think to myself: is this first cat life behavior? Or ninth cat life behavior?

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When I am calculating any risk, I think to myself: is this first cat life behavior? Or ninth cat life behavior?
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Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal conundrum of cat behavior! 🐱 Is it a daring leap of faith like a first cat life, or a reckless daredevil act like a ninth cat life? The line between curiosity and catastrophe is as thin as a hairball on a tightrope! 😅"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

74 shares on Instagram this month:

I got so lost there for a minute (several years).

75 shares on Facebook this month:

Holding this fart in feels like I’m pregnant with a dinosaur.

30 shares on Telegram this month:

Does anyone want to fall in love and split rent with me?

58 shares on Twitch this month:

It’s legally required that you lose a frisbee onto the roof within one week of purchase.

75 shares on Pinterest this month:

I become the most financially irresponsible person in the world the second I step into a Japanese stationary store.

97 shares on WeChat this month:

You’re no Sultan of Swing, buddy, you’re hardly a Governor of Groove.

21 shares on Pinterest this month:

The marriage rate has been trending downward. Choreographed wedding dances may be the reason.

73 shares on X this month:

Why are these idiots only giving robots two arms?

85 shares on Instagram this month:

Why can’t people be tested like watermelons? You tap them on the head and find out whether they are normal or bad.

13 shares on TikTok this month:

Drinking through a straw is the opposite of snorkeling.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Very disappointed by the symbolism of last night’s dream. Just really obvious, derivative stuff.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Apparently, it’s rude to poke someone in the forehead and yell “Skip Intro” when they start talking to you.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

He said he thinks I’m resilient to everything, so I thanked him, but on second thought, he may have low key called me a cockroach.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

God forbid a girl wanna kiss and be kissed.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Death by a thousand stupid questions.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Wow, you have a very impressive collection of strange tendencies.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Therapy isn’t enough. I need to be electrocuted and get my memory erased.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t understand why my husband has to pay for a UFC fight when he could just throw one piece of candy on the floor in front of our kids.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

When they ask “how was your weekend?” answer “better than yours” and maintain eye contact.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

The fake cough I use when calling in sick is now available on iTunes.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,532

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

I’m just a girl, standing in front of a Monday, asking it to be a Friday.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

I love 12 a.m. to 5 a.m. The world is so quiet.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

Doing an hour of self-care after 23 hours of self-destruction.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

I deserve a percentage of your pay if you ever stole any swag from me.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

Getting ghosted by someone who bothered you in the first place is crazy.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

Don’t worry. Artificial intelligence will never replace actual ignorance.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

Does anyone want to fall in love and split rent with me?

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

I have this epiphany every night that I need to turn it up a notch.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

I refuse to go to a blood bank. I’m not taking your blood money.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

Best friends: they know how crazy you are but still choose to be seen in public with you.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WeChat:

Twitter is diarrhea of the mouth at its finest. Everyone is just going around vomiting whatever is in their brains.

Just landed via X:

Congratulations on getting to the red light first. You’re special.

Just shared via Instagram:

If anything goes wrong today, just dramatically whisper, “The prophecy has been fulfilled,” and walk away.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

The second date is you watching me parallel park and trying not to have a stroke.

Spotted on Pinterest:

No more bare minimum, I want the moon and the stars. Maybe even a planet at this point.

Just shared via Messenger:

When I retire, I’m going to run for office.

Making waves on Facebook:

Not being filthy rich is continuing to be a huge inconvenience for me.

Just landed via TikTok:

The real advantage of being self-employed is that you don’t have to go to a Christmas party.

Live now on Facebook:

A hostile alien invasion sounds like a nice change of pace.

Trending via Instagram:

Social media can teach you a lot of lessons. Grammar is not one of them.

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