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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

Are you even a parent if you’ve never carried your child out of a store sideways like a surfboard?

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

“Don’t bite the hand that feeds you!” Maybe just don’t bite hands. Shouldn’t have to qualify it.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

English is so fake. How can you drink a drink, but you can’t food a food?

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

My daughter’s morning alarm is less to wake her up, and more to warn the rest of us.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

I tried to embrace my flaws. They filed a restraining order.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

Why did they call it long distance running and not fardio?

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

Don’t underestimate your white tee and denim jeans.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

Honestly, how women are drawn in a manga is typically (though not always) a good clue for what demographic a manga series is.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

Don’t worry. There is still hope for the summer: the rain should get warmer soon.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

You’re never too old to shout, “Mooooo,” when you drive past some cows.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,506

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Slack:

Having a sore throat as a giraffe must really suck.

Going viral on Slack:

Sometimes it’s the conversations you have with yourself that take the longest.

Just shared via TikTok:

Having an empty laundry basket is the best 5 seconds of my life.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Are you my appendix? Cause you seem kind of useless to me.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Awkward is the new sexy. At least that’s what I’m telling myself, so I don’t cry in front of strangers.

Live now on Facebook:

Went for a run this morning. That bee was huge!

Just landed via Pinterest:

My sleep schedule and I are not on speaking terms.

Making waves on WeChat:

If a portal opened up in front of me, I’d go in—no questions asked.

Just landed via Discord:

There are people on TV who are not ruined by fame, but who ruin fame.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

The most important thing to remember when driving is that not everyone is smart.

When I get to work, I always hide first, because a good worker is always hard to find.

6 days ago

Playful quote about sneaking at work, highlighting humor and workplace wit.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the elusive and mysterious office ninja strategy! 🕵️‍♂️ Remember, in the wild world of work, blending in is key. Just like a chameleon camouflages, a top-notch worker disappears… until the coffee break comes around, of course! ☕️😂"

good, hard, hard to find, hide, humor, i, joke, office, work, worker, workplace

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

62 shares on Telegram this month:

When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.

29 shares on Twitch this month:

I like to listen to the national anthems during the award ceremonies. I’m into country music.

27 shares on Discord this month:

Don’t drink to forget me, you’ll end up seeing me double.

14 shares on Reddit this month:

Have you guys heard of recency bias? I hadn’t, but now I’m seeing it literally everywhere. Must be a big deal.

56 shares on Facebook this month:

I put my bathroom scale in the corner, and that’s where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.

70 shares on X this month:

They monitor me harder than Britney Spears around here.

16 shares on YouTube this month:

The only thing I worry about when I’m in the restroom is if people are washing their hands or not.

99 shares on Twitch this month:

Building a snowman so I can punch it in the face.

94 shares on Facebook this month:

If you’re dating an alpha female, you need to know that they need to be babied at night, or else they will turn into a dragon.

43 shares on Reddit this month:

His voice was like whiskey. Smooth with a slow burn that lit me up from the inside.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Anyone want to fall in love and split rent?

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I avoid clarified butter because I prefer my dairy products to be troubled and confused.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I bought a watermelon and all I can think about is filling it with vodka.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Summer is the best because there’s always a chance I’ll see someone trip on their own flip flop.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

If alcohol damages your short-term memory, imagine what alcohol can do.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

A thing I never realized about being an adult is that you will always be cleaning your kitchen. No matter if you get takeout, no matter if you’re gone all day, you will be cleaning the kitchen.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

You had me at “We’ll make it look like an accident.”

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I told a joke during a Zoom meeting today. Nobody laughed. It turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Thought getting captured by cannibals would be terrifying, but they’re actually feeding me really well.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not good with plants or people, but I am good with books and buffets.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,365

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

The sun really clocks out for the day before I do. That’s insane.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

The lion does not concern himself with attaching a cover letter.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

Age regressing by coughing like a toddler, with my tongue out.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

Karma not moving fast enough for me. I would hate to handle it myself, Lord.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

Netflix should’ve just maybe mailed us all this fight on DVD.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

Welcome to Netflix. We have everything but what you want to watch.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

Just once, I’d love to underthink a situation.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

Keeping my mouth shut is usually not enough to avoid an argument with my husband. I also have to deactivate the subtitle function on my face.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

I watched a woman clean her whole house on YouTube today, in case you thought I lacked ambition.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

Twitter is fun because you can post a pic of pizza and people will get mad at you.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Slack:

Putting away the Christmas tree. Sad day for cats.

Spotted on Facebook:

At 20, I was unstoppable; at 30, I’m just unstartable.

Just landed via Threads:

Source??? Pattern recognition.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I set up my Nativity scene, but since baby Jesus hasn’t arrived yet, Mary, Joseph and all the Wise Men are just looking down at their phones.

Making waves on Snapchat:

If a dog growled at me, I would try to understand where they’re coming from.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Behind every beautiful woman is either tummy issues, low iron, or poor eyesight.

Making waves on WeChat:

I only go for nature walks with people I can outrun.

Live now on WeChat:

“Hey you!” is short for “I have no idea what your name is.”

Shared recently on Messenger:

I like waiters. They bring a lot to the table.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

The devil couldn’t reach me, so he made sure that the love I give is never reciprocated.

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