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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇪 has shared:

Cops wake up Christmas morning excited as hell to ignore their family and go sit on the highway with a radar gun for 10 hours.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

“Are you sexually active?” Dude, I’m not even socially active.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

If you want to know what God thinks of money, look at the people he gave it to.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

Performative male is kinda just a rebrand of metrosexual, which is just a way to say a straight guy is a little bit faggy.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

Go ahead. Order anything you want. Money is no object when we dine at IKEA.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

The Welsh language was invented by a dad losing at Scrabble.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

Mice after a breakup be like “we are not on squeaking terms”.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

I need a reasonable job. Something like $3,000 an hour. Nothing too wild.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

It’s so funny how every true crime documentary eventually devolves into a story about how the police botched the entire investigation.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

I wanna be crazy rich. I’m already crazy, so I’m half way there.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,540

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Facebook:

Don’t ever get excited if your kid likes a new food. They won’t like it tomorrow.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I’m going to start walking around in my yard all day in a bathrobe so my neighbors will build that privacy fence I always wanted.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Every year, just in time for Christmas, when it’s freezing cold, the Coca Cola truck shows up. Now, in this freaking heat, it’s nowhere to be seen.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I threw a ball for my dog. May be a little extravagant, but he looks great in a tux.

Making waves on YouTube:

My love language is being sent money.

Just shared via YouTube:

I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that you’re an expert on my life and how I should live it! Please continue while I take notes.

Breaking via Instagram:

When your electric toothbrush dies, it becomes a regular toothbrush. Don’t freak out. Just calm down and remember your training.

Freshly posted on Slack:

“What’s love?” Grandma sliding money into my hand like a drug dealer. Yeah, man, that’s love.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Awkward is the new sexy. At least that’s what I’m telling myself, so I don’t cry in front of strangers.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Roses are red, I’m staying in bed. I’ve made no plans, besides pretending I’m dead.

When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.

Humorous text highlighting a dog's role in teenage household happiness.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Having a dog when your kids are teenagers is like having a built-in cheerleader at home 🐶📣! At least someone will wag their tail and greet you with excitement when you walk through the door! Parenting win! 😂"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections
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Social Media Stars ⭐

58 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My life coach traded me.

100 shares on Instagram this month:

I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my keys, phone, temper, and my mind.

81 shares on Reddit this month:

Why does the phone ring longer when you’re ignoring the call?

65 shares on Instagram this month:

Every time a Taco Bell rings, an angel gets diarrhea.

75 shares on Telegram this month:

To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing.

86 shares on TikTok this month:

It took me 5 minutes to do something I’ve been stressing about for 6 months. I will learn nothing from this.

76 shares on Facebook this month:

Me passing someone: you slow mule! Me being passed: okay, speed racer!

57 shares on Slack this month:

Why do you assume it’s invalid to “make stuff up” during an argument? It shows initiative and creativity.

71 shares on Threads this month:

Gambling is all about getting something for nothing and spending thousands of dollars trying to do it.

53 shares on WeChat this month:

Lowkey terrifying when someone attractive is actually into you, omg.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m at the age where I’m more likely to fall asleep at the movie theater than get frisky in one.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

To save money, you really just gotta stay at home.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s not magic, but I bet you are reading this post with one leg on top of the other.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t need a psychic to tell me which planets make me sad. It’s earth.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Talking to the stars because people suck.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

My tapeworm is starting a podcast about the McRib.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Hardly a day goes by without me being reminded that an academic degree has nothing to do with intelligence.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I am under no obligation to make sense to you.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

A credit card is kind of like a gift card to every store.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to your 40s. Your bra wins the Oscar for the best actor in a supportive role.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,445

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

Some people post such depressing love shit that I start to miss their exes myself!

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

Imagine you blocked me, and I crawled out from under your couch to ask why.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

Single introverts be like, “If it’s meant to be, my future love will simply teleport into my living room.”

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

Never underestimate my ability to effortlessly make something more difficult than it needs to be.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

I made a graph showing my past relationships. It has an ex axis and a why axis.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

Not to brag, but I can shake your hand and forget your name simultaneously.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

When your parents are on a call and they ask for a pen, man, that pressure is real.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

I hate when someone on a magazine cover stares at me while I eat.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

I think you would all treat me a lot better if I possessed a small amount of plutonium.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

You can add tears while cooking if you don’t have salt.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I be like, “Awwwww cows,” and then go and eat two double cheeseburgers, lol.

Trending via Facebook:

This call, should’ve been a message in a bottle I never found.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

No crypto for me, thanks, at least not until I figure out how dollars work.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Bartenders be like “here’s that receipt, I’ll go ahead and put it on the wettest part of the bar”.

Just shared via Threads:

Why is everyone’s main goal to get married and have kids? Like, don’t you guys want to do drugs in foreign countries?

Making waves on Twitch:

This Monday could have been an email.

Shared recently on Threads:

If dogs ever learn to talk, I want everyone to keep in mind that mine is a big fat liar.

Spotted on Instagram:

Roses are red. I’m going to bed.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Let’s play a game called you bring me food and I eat it.

Shared recently on X:

This entire year I was method acting. None of it was real. I was working on a bit.

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