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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

Just waiting for my laundry to be done so I can pop it in the dryer and forget about it again.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

Now that I have a standing desk, I’m adding manual labor to my resume.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

My fridge has brought more light into my life than most people.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

I’m glad I have boobs. The last thing I need is people making eye contact with me.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

Somethіng wrong іn your lіfe? There’s a nap for that.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

I don’t understand people who forget to eat. I’m already planning lunch while chewing breakfast.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

I love when really expensive products say, “apply generously,” like, of course, you would say that.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

Would have started saving money in kindergarten if I knew my life was like this.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

Deleting my mental health to focus on social media.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

I’m so lazy that I’ll break my tooth trying to get this tag off before I get up and get a scissor.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,410

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Sometimes, when you go with the flow you end up drowning with everyone else.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Dating apps aren’t working. I’ll see ya at Home Depot, gentlemen.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I would be very interested to hear from someone who is ILLEGALLY blind.

Going bananas on Threads:

I’m really glad that light only attracts insects. Imagine wild boars would come knocking at your windows all the time.

Making waves on Messenger:

A sandwich has the power to change your entire life.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Being an adult is when you ask the babysitter when you should be home.

Going viral on Reddit:

If Keith Richards survived the ’70s, the ’80s, and 1.2 million Marlboros, I can probably survive anything.

Just shared via YouTube:

Stop blaming yourself for your failures. Learn astrology and blame the planets.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

If I don’t text you saying Happy New Year, we still gang, I’m just lazy.

Spotted on WeChat:

Al guys are like, “We can’t use it to cure cancer, but we can suck all the joy and purpose out of life so that dying isn’t sad.”

Whenever I have a headache, I take 2 aspirin and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.

4 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Funny quote about headaches and children, with a playful and witty tone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Sound advice: Take your medicine and avoid mini humans – nobody wants a headache, especially not from mischievous kiddos! 🤕💊👶"

advice, aspirin, bottle, children, headache, humor, i, irony, just, keep, take

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Crazy to think that even after all of these years the Titanic’s pool still has water in it.

3 weeks ago

after, crazy, disaster, even, history, humor, irony, pool, ship, still, think, Titanic, water, year’s
There are more bots on here than in Star Wars.

2 weeks ago

bots, here, humor, internet, joke, online, sci-fi, star, Star Wars, technology, wars
Welcome to your 50s, your knees will now decide when you will sit down.

4 weeks ago

50s, aging, body, changes, health, humor, knees, life, life changes, sit, sit down, welcome
Coolest part about starting a new job is the immunity to disease you get for 3 months till you get sick days.

4 weeks ago

3, benefit, day, days, disease, health, humor, immunity, job, job benefit, life, months, new, new job, office, office humor, sick, sick day, starting, work, work life
Why is there a level 6 for toasters? As if someone thinks: “Tonight I’m really in the mood for ashes with butter!”

2 weeks ago

6, absurdity, butter, cooking, food, humor, level, level 6, mood, someone, toaster, tonight
Panties is such a weird word. Panties. I can’t say it sexy.

3 weeks ago

humor, i, language, panty, say, sexy, speech, weird, word

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

43 shares on YouTube this month:

Looking for someone whose favorite thing to do is nothing. No hiking. No adventure. Just bed rot.

90 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I did some exercise in 2010, I should be good for another few years.

36 shares on Twitch this month:

Every time I buy vegetables it’s a triumph of hope over experience.

56 shares on Discord this month:

Schedule your appointment early in the month before your dentist starts fretting about their next boat payment.

66 shares on Messenger this month:

Getting the house to yourself for a night is basically winning the lottery.

57 shares on X this month:

My mom recently asked me how to take a screenshot. At first, I laughed, but then I remembered she taught me how to tie my shoes.

20 shares on Snapchat this month:

Nobody defends billionaires better than dudes making $50,000 a year.

16 shares on WhatsApp this month:

When you are in your 20s, there is going to be an urge to binge The Sopranos. it is very important that you press play.

74 shares on WeChat this month:

Siblings are proof you can love someone and also dislike them at the same time.

51 shares on Threads this month:

My comments on your home decor are not criticisms, they are deep concerns.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

You’re 25, stressing like you’re 40, because you want to be rich before 30, am I right?

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

None of the Instagram story fonts represent me.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

If my family starts talking politics at Thanksgiving, I’m changing the subject by announcing I’m pregnant.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

Netflix & by yourself.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

If you want to know who the bad guys are, it is the side who wants you arrested for memes and jokes.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

“Love is in the air.” Wrong. Microplastics.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

The part where the music beat is going from your left ear to the right at different intervals.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

Back in the office this morning, trying to remember what I do for work.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

I made you snort laugh, so we’re going out, right?

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

Being the introverted hopeless romantic with a high sex drive is a curse.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Threads:

A political guy who supports communism because he hates applying for jobs and just wants to be assigned somewhere.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Drugs and alcohol take years off your life and give them to Keith Richards.

Just shared via TikTok:

Fifteen years ago, makeup was all powders and dusts. But now, it’s all goo and liquid. From this, I can infer that by 2040, it will all be made of pigmented gases.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Can you imagine if AI ever evolves into trying to kill us, and the thing that saves us is one of Cloudflare’s outages?

Just landed via WeChat:

Love Island is fun, but when is Job Island on?

Broadcasted on YouTube:

This heat made me realize I won’t survive in hell, I gotta change.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I bring a sort of “this isn’t actually urgent” vibe to the workplace that managers don’t like.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

A woman’s way of flirting is thinking about you until you get the urge to reach out to her.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I’m not scared of love, I’m scared of insufficient cash.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Growing your own tomatoes really is the best way to devote 3 months of your life to saving $2.17.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Whenever I have a headache, I take 2 aspirin and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Crazy to think that even after all of these years the Titanic’s pool still has water in it.

There are more bots on here than in Star Wars.

Welcome to your 50s, your knees will now decide when you will sit down.

Coolest part about starting a new job is the immunity to disease you get for 3 months till you get sick days.

Why is there a level 6 for toasters? As if someone thinks: “Tonight I’m really in the mood for ashes with butter!”

Panties is such a weird word. Panties. I can’t say it sexy.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨