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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

Giving people access to the internet was a massive mistake.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

Whoever first said, “I’m in a pickle,” must have had the weirdest day.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

Getting out of bed should count as resistance training.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

December, give me a sweet ending for this year please.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

I don’t think I’ve ever made the right amount of pasta.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

I don’t procrastinate, I delegate to my future self.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

Sorry I zoned out during your story… my brain was offering me multiple side quests and overthinking opportunities.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

If we were subway rats, I’d share my pizza crust with you.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

Before you have kids, ask yourself: how patient am I with really stupid people?

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

The prime minister is a minister that is not divisible by any other minister.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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3,695

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WeChat:

If my memory gets any worse, I’ll be able to plan my own surprise party.

Spotted on Reddit:

IKEA products should be cheaper, I’m doing all the work here. It’s like ordering takeout food and still having to cook it when it arrives.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Asking a film guy, “Who is that?” when Tom Cruise comes on screen just to feel something.

Live now on Pinterest:

I just bought a universal remote. This changes everything.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

It took me 5 minutes to do something I’ve been stressing about for 6 months. I will learn nothing from this.

Spotted on Pinterest:

From a very young age, I knew that everyone was wrong and I was right.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

The first step is admitting that the other person is the one with the problem.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Do I need to have seen the Tokyo Olympics in order to understand the Paris ones?

Trending via YouTube:

Why would anyone ever jump OUT of a cake?

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

I refuse to listen to anyone give commentary on the state of society unless it’s in a TikTok video filmed inside their car.

Whenever I have a headache, I take 2 aspirin and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.

2 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Funny quote about headaches and children, with a playful and witty tone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Sound advice: Take your medicine and avoid mini humans – nobody wants a headache, especially not from mischievous kiddos! 🤕💊👶"

advice, aspirin, bottle, children, headache, humor, i, irony, just, keep, take

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Social Media Stars ⭐

63 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“It’s not that deep.” Of course it’s not. With a shallow mind like yours, nothing ever is.

57 shares on WeChat this month:

The hottest thing a man can do is exactly what he said he was going to.

52 shares on Facebook this month:

Peak delusion is believing that a paragraph will make someone treat you better.

73 shares on Threads this month:

I’m thinking of maybe killing off a few characters in the book I’m writing. That will really spice up my autobiography.

60 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I have been nothing but creepy and aggressive to you. Please respond.

12 shares on Discord this month:

Watched Titanic for the 14th time. Still sobbing. Still yelling, “SCOOT OVER, COW!” like it’ll change the ending.

33 shares on Discord this month:

For my next trick, I’ll watch a two-hour movie in four.

44 shares on Instagram this month:

I dream of disappearing into the woods with Wi-Fi.

30 shares on Slack this month:

Shy with a mean resting face is a crazy combo.

77 shares on Facebook this month:

Breakfast is the most important beer of the day.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

Sorry, can’t. Waiting for my clothes to come back into style again.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

Peloton guy yelling “two more, one more” but it’s me eating Cheetos.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

I respect the moon because it controls three of our most precious entities: oceans, wolves & women.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

ChatGPT’s primary use is to generate plausible excuses to leave dinner at the in-laws’.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

There are so many people going to hell. I’m thinking of investing in some property there.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

Can I come over and crawl around on you like a bug?

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

Doggy style is out cat style is in. It’s where I let you touch me until I’m satisfied then ignore you and scratch you if you try and touch me again.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

I’ve never met a problem I couldn’t turn into a disaster.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

I love your niche references! Are you typically ignored in large groups, by any chance?

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WeChat:

You stop moving your mouse for 5 seconds, and Microsoft Teams will say you never showed up for work.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Weekends now feel like short commercial breaks in a stressful movie.

Making waves on Telegram:

My kids asked me what games I used to play on my iPad as a kid. I told them I used to speak into a fan to sound like a robot.

Broadcasted on Slack:

A lot of men actually do forgive cheating, as long as their homies don’t know.

Just shared via Twitch:

Duolingo does everything except actually teach you the language.

Going bananas on WeChat:

If a man says “I don’t deserve you,” believe him. Because he is about to show you why.

Just shared via Messenger:

If I was a star and you were a star, I would wink at you and blink at you and twinkle at you and the earthlings would call it science.

Just landed via X:

It’s been my experience that people seem a lot nicer before we get married.

Going bananas on TikTok:

British people be like “YouChube.”

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Activity Log ✨

Whenever I have a headache, I take 2 aspirin and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.

I want someone to look at me the way I look at a travel booking website.

If I’m ever found dead in the woods, it’s probably because I was trying to pet a bear.

Apparently “ew no” is not an acceptable way to tell my boss I don’t want more responsibility at work.

Quit keeping your enemies closer. No wonder you feel like shit.

Imagine hearing the ice cream truck music, but at night.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Whenever I have a headache, I take 2 aspirin and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I want someone to look at me the way I look at a travel booking website.

If I’m ever found dead in the woods, it’s probably because I was trying to pet a bear.

Apparently “ew no” is not an acceptable way to tell my boss I don’t want more responsibility at work.

Quit keeping your enemies closer. No wonder you feel like shit.

Imagine hearing the ice cream truck music, but at night.

Stop trying to be liked by everybody. You don’t even like everybody.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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