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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

Friends are God’s way of apologizing to us for our families.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

When I take a shower I’m: 5% cleaning myself, 10% singing, 85% making life changing decisions.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

Becoming a man doesn’t happen the first time you fight or make love. It happens the first time you see the gas bill and remind everyone that we aren’t trying to heat the outside.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Just the owls and I out here enjoying the breeze amongst the trees.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

Party rock is in the mouse tonighttt, piece of cheese I’m gonna take a big biteee.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

I was going to warn my kids about the repercussions of drugs and alcohol until I realized that they in fact were the repercussions of drugs and alcohol.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

I don’t understand why “family-run” should be a sign of quality. North Korea, for example, is also family-run and doesn’t convince me at all.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

They need to invent a dishwasher with a window on it. I have to know what goes on in there.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

Why’s it always “NYC smells like pee” and never “my pee smells like the greatest city in the world”?

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

Clothes too dirty for the closet, but too clean for laundry. Welcome to: the chair.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on YouTube:

Gravestone inscription: “Hey guys, I’m going to be taking a little break from social media”

Just landed via Instagram:

If you drink a lot of water, you won’t have time for other people’s drama because you’ll be too busy looking for a bathroom.

Going viral on Telegram:

‘Blinded by the Light’ is really just a song about turning the bathroom light on in the middle of the night.

Trending via Discord:

I applied for a job and got it, and now I really have to go there. Crap!

Shared recently on Twitch:

It’s amazing, when it’s your birthday you really feel the love from family, friends, lovers, former dentists, yoga studios and various smootheries.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Lorebombing is when you make a new friend in your thirties and you have to catch each other up.

Just landed via TikTok:

I accidentally bought a pair of nose-cancelling headphones and now my glasses keep falling off.

Shared recently on Instagram:

The more I use social media, the more I see why children shouldn’t.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

A moment of silence for those who hate us but can’t unfriend us because they’re afraid of not knowing what’s happening in our lives.

Going viral on Messenger:

I love when the restaurant bathroom has different music playing than the restaurant. It’s like I’m going to Club Pee Pee.

Whenever I have a headache, I take 2 aspirin and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.

1 month ago

Funny quote about headaches and children, with a playful and witty tone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Sound advice: Take your medicine and avoid mini humans – nobody wants a headache, especially not from mischievous kiddos! 🤕💊👶"

advice, aspirin, bottle, children, headache, humor, i, irony, just, keep, take

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

19 shares on Twitch this month:

Turns out I am the autistic one at “movie night,” who thought you’re supposed to actually watch the movie.

80 shares on Slack this month:

People who own banana costumes will wear that shit to anything.

16 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The hairdresser asking me what special plans I have for the day like this wasn’t it.

68 shares on Instagram this month:

I don’t do anything with my life except romanticize and decay with indecision.

48 shares on Pinterest this month:

I have to stand in the shower about this.

70 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I actually check my emails every day in hopes I’m going to get some life-changing news someday.

78 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m thinking stuff like “yeah” and also stuff like “yup.”

68 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Yeah, no worries, man. You just showed everyone that you have a lot of resentments bubbling underneath, but otherwise, it was a cool evening.

42 shares on Threads this month:

Normalize talking to people in the gym who have earbuds in, they love that.

47 shares on Threads this month:

Dating app that matches you based on your risk tolerance for airport arrival timing.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

When the devil couldn’t reach me, he made my brain my biggest enemy.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

The Airbnb reviews never tell you how comfortable the toilets are for falling asleep on.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

By the time I meet the right person, I’ll probably be the wrong person.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

Jewelry stores should just be like: Whether you’re trying to be nice or trying to get laid, we got you covered.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

Inside you, there are two wolves. Kevin Costner is dancing with both of them. I don’t know how this works.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

I have three full closets of nothing to wear.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

Why can’t men admit when they doze off? What’s wrong with them?

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

Look, babe, I’m sorry. If your fake British accent keeps being this geographically inconsistent, I’m going to have to cancel the medieval roleplay sex.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

So, you’re telling me I’m just supposed to get up every day and keep living like this? Seems like a scam to me.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

Make your salad taste better by putting it between bread, meat, cheese, and Big Mac sauce.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Snapchat:

If you’re in first class on a flight, sometimes they upgrade you to captain.

Trending via Snapchat:

Why a bug would spend such a long fraction of its short life immobile on my ceiling beats me.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

I hate when people tell me I need to “get out of my comfort zone,” like I don’t even have a comfort zone; I am literally always uncomfortable.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Apparently I’m the reason why I never have any money. I am shocked!

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Whenever I have a headache, I take 2 aspirin and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.

They say sugar can’t fix your problems. Yeah, well, neither can broccoli. At least cake puts in the effort.

You don’t scare me, I was married once.

Start every meeting with, “Let’s just agree to disagree.”

Having a girlfriend is insane because you can literally go to touch them, and they will let you.

Imagine being all knowing and still putting a snake in charge of apples.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Whenever I have a headache, I take 2 aspirin and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.

Keep the laugh going 😂

They say sugar can’t fix your problems. Yeah, well, neither can broccoli. At least cake puts in the effort.

You don’t scare me, I was married once.

Start every meeting with, “Let’s just agree to disagree.”

Having a girlfriend is insane because you can literally go to touch them, and they will let you.

Someone asked, “Can I bum a scroll?” because they deleted Instagram off their phone.

Imagine being all knowing and still putting a snake in charge of apples.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨