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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

A guy waited exactly 3 days to text me. Someone’s been studying the ancient scrolls of 1980s dating advice.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

I would like to see the USA go metric before I die, just so I can enjoy the outrage that would follow.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

I love that cats slap the shit out of everything they can’t understand.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

Dear diary, I have to lock in tomorrow, fix everything, and do everything.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

I’m a “I have an appointment later, so I can’t do anything else for the rest of the day” kind of person.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

They just don’t put milkshakes in the yard like they used to.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

I’ve reached the age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

I need to find hobbies that don’t include my debit card.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

Just once I’d like to hear a doctor say, “Your guess is as good as mine.”

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

There are drug-sniffing dogs, guide dogs, dogs that save lives. And then there’s my dog, who hits the lead when he poops.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,282

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

But if I get tinted windows, how will people see me flipping them off?

Breaking via Facebook:

My parents often told me I would lose my own head if it wasn’t screwed on and now that I’m an adult, I want to know what tools I need to have it screwed off.

Making waves on YouTube:

Going through life with a signature I invented as a teenager.

Live now on WeChat:

Whoever first said, “I’m in a pickle,” must have had the weirdest day.

Spotted on Messenger:

You know you’re old when you you barely do anything all day, but still need a nap to continue doing barely anything.

Just landed via Threads:

Perhaps the most universal American experience is your mom being like, “Wasn’t he such a good dentist? He’s in prison now.”

Going viral on Instagram:

My future husband is probably enjoying a nice summer with his first wife… but the seeds of discontent are there.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Every citizen over 18 should be eligible to be drafted into the Postal Service.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

The problem with people starts when we expect things from them, or have anything to do with them.

Seen just now on Instagram:

You see how in cartoons, when they’re hungry, their friends start looking like a chicken leg? That’s how ovulation feels.

Whoever has my voodoo doll, can you give it a really good massage?

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Please add some hot stones and cucumbers to the mix! My back has been hurting since 2019! 😂🪄✨"

doll, give, good, humor, joke, massage, playful, quirky, sarcastic, voodoo, voodoo doll

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I hate it when my pillow is not pillowing like it should. You have one job. Be a pillow man. You are pillow. Act like one!

0

2 months ago

act, comfort, expectation, frustration, hate, humor, i, job, man, pillow, should, sleep
Flour company: What if we sell it in a paper bag that’s not fully sealed at the bottom?

0

2 months ago

bag, bottom, company, design, flaw, flour, humor, packaging, paper, paper bag, product, product flaw, seal, sell
I was explaining to my Ukrainian colleague the phrase ‘There’s no such thing as a free lunch’. She told me the equivalent in Ukrainian is ‘The only free cheese is in the mousetrap’ — which is so much better.

0

5 months ago

better, cheese, colleague, cultural, cultural difference, difference, equivalent, explaining, explanation, free, free cheese, free lunch, humor, i, idiom, lunch, me, mousetrap, much, only, phrase, thing, told, Ukrainian
Rich people don’t put their couches against their wall. I moved my couch into the middle of the floor and still haven’t gotten rich. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong here.

0

2 months ago

couch, doing, floor, furniture, here, humor, i, irony, know, lifestyle, living, living room, middle, money, moved, people, poor, put, rich, room, still, struggle, wall, wrong
My doctor no longer prescribes me Viagra. He just left me hanging.

0

2 months ago

doctor, hanging, health, humor, joke, just, left, me, medicine, prescription, relationship, Viagra
After much deliberation, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m an overthinker.

0

2 months ago

clarity, conclusion, deliberation, humor, introspection, overthinker, self-reflection, thinking

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

93 shares on Twitch this month:

She was my chai, I was her cake rusk.

22 shares on TikTok this month:

Every outdoor cat should be given a little cowboy hat and a gun.

44 shares on Discord this month:

If you ever get attacked by a shark, just be a good sport about it and let it eat you. Hey, look on the bright side: It’s a rare occurrence, so you’re special.

73 shares on Reddit this month:

A dinosaur as a pet would solve so many problems. Mainly, people problems.

73 shares on Pinterest this month:

At my age, a trail of clothes leading to the bedroom, means I dropped them on the way from the dryer.

27 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I want a girlfriend so she can make me do shit like pottery, and I act like I don’t want to go.

93 shares on Telegram this month:

I always sit in the middle stall so I have a bathroom buddy.

47 shares on Reddit this month:

Accessories can really boost a woman’s self-confidence. For example, I know I would feel 10x sexier if I carried a sword with me at all times.

35 shares on WeChat this month:

Adult peer pressure is seeing your neighbor mow his lawn.

31 shares on Reddit this month:

Got out of jury duty yesterday by confessing to the crime.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

Neighbors are fighting. Can I knock on the wall and ask them to speak up so I know whose side I’m on?

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

Imagine buying a new car, and some superhero throws it at an alien.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

I would do absolutely anything for my friends, except answer their text messages.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

What a lot of people don’t understand about mountain climbing is: don’t do that!

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

I hate it when my pillow is not pillowing like it should. You have one job. Be a pillow man. You are pillow. Act like one!

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

I don’t consider myself anything but average. However, I have aged well.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

Did you guys know that you can actually do whatever you want all the time?

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

My unemployed neighbor with an unlimited firework budget would like to wish everyone a happy 9th of July.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

Imagine hating me and I’m just here trying to push a door that says pull.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

Kissing while both wearing baseball caps is so hard. How do baseball players do it?

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Apparently I’m the reason why I never have any money. I am shocked!

Shared recently on Twitch:

Lawyers should get walk-up songs in court like how wrestlers do.

Trending via Instagram:

God knew I’d be too powerful if He made me not annoying to women.

Going viral on Threads:

I wonder if my date ever found her way out of that corn maze.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

When I was a little girl, I always dreamed of growing up to satisfy user needs in a way that meets business goals for transformative outcomes.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

My favorite dinner is the one made by someone else.

Trending via YouTube:

I always knew I’d get old. How fast it happened was a bit of a surprise though.

Just shared via Twitch:

The haters said I couldn’t do it. And they were correct. Honestly, great call from the haters.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

I’m slowly becoming an adult. Please make it stop.

Spotted on Messenger:

I wonder how many different vegetables they exploded before they discovered popcorn.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Whoever has my voodoo doll, can you give it a really good massage?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I hate it when my pillow is not pillowing like it should. You have one job. Be a pillow man. You are pillow. Act like one!

Flour company: What if we sell it in a paper bag that’s not fully sealed at the bottom?

I was explaining to my Ukrainian colleague the phrase ‘There’s no such thing as a free lunch’. She told me the equivalent in Ukrainian is ‘The only free cheese is in the mousetrap’ — which is so much better.

Rich people don’t put their couches against their wall. I moved my couch into the middle of the floor and still haven’t gotten rich. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong here.

My doctor no longer prescribes me Viagra. He just left me hanging.

After much deliberation, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m an overthinker.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨