Why are fish the only thing you can monger? Let me monger some other stuff.

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As a student, the most comforting words you’ll ever hear are “I haven’t started either.”

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Sleeping is nice, because you’re not actually dead and you’re not awake, so its a win-win situation.

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Your favorite little ball of silliness has logged in.

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Double chins are better than double faces.

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My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.

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Now I understand why old people sit outside just to sit outside.

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They should invent someone who holds me.

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Welcome to adulthood: your chin looks lonely, here’s another one.

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With certain people, you get nauseous just hearing their name.

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See you when you get home from school, I whisper to my kid’s apple.