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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

I want my name to come up when you go to confession.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

I spend half the day wondering if it’s too late for coffee and the other half wondering if it’s too early for alcohol.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

At the self-checkout, I make small talk with myself and I wish I would just shut up.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

“No idea” doesn’t mean I don’t know the answer. I just don’t want to have a conversation.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

The thing I hate most about my stationary bike is having to pick it up and turn it around for the return trip.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

Good luck sending me mixed signals. Most the time I can’t even understand the direct ones.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

My husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should have taken a second look.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

The cashier said, “Have a good day,” but she doesn’t mean it.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

Buying groceries with no food stamps should boost your credit score.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

It’s so hot that my shadow just went back inside and gave me the finger.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,639

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Went fishing and actually caught a fish. So now I gotta deal with this shit.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.

Just landed via Twitch:

Off to my crying appointment (therapy).

Freshly posted on Instagram:

On Halloween, I’ll be handing out full size bars of really bad advice. Only while supplies last.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Look, 80’s kids went from Inspector Gadget to Terminator so we have a lot of mixed feelings about technology.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Who called them sea lions and not soggy doggies?

Seen just now on X:

The week be like Mooonnnday, Tueeesday, Weeeeednesday, Thuuuuursday, FriSatSun

Seen just now on Slack:

This post is highly top-secret. You need to forget that you’ve seen it immediately.

Just landed via Facebook:

The retirement age needs to be lowered to 40, I’ve had enough.

Breaking via Facebook:

A Southerner dies every time you people type “ya’ll” instead of “y’all,” btw.

Women know the exact weight of their children and their age in days. Men just know that little people live with them.

2 months ago

0

Women know the exact weight of their children and their age in days. Men just know that little people live with them.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Women are like human calculators, knowing their kids' stats down to the decimal point, while men are just trying to keep up with the tiny tornadoes running amok in the house 🤷‍♂️📆. Who needs detailed info when you've got chaos and cuteness in equal measure?"

age, children, days, humor, just, know, little, little people, live, men, parenting, people, weight, women

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m afraid to go to therapy — what if they fix me and I lose my funny?

0

2 months ago

afraid, comedy, fear, fix, Funny, health, humor, i, lose, me, mental, mental health, personality, self-awareness, self-care, self-improvement, therapy
Have you ever accidentally opened your front-facing camera, and it ruined your day a little?

0

2 months ago

accidental, accidental selfie, accidentally, bad, bad day, camera, day, ever, front-facing, front-facing camera, funny moment, little, moment, phone, ruined, selfie, technology
“How would you describe yourself.” Me: I absolutely would not.

0

2 months ago

awkwardness, conversation, describe, humor, i, irony, me, personality, response, self-description, yourself
My outfit is from Gucci and the body from Ferrero.

0

2 months ago

body, brand, fashion, Ferrero, food, Gucci, humor, joke, outfit, style
Men playing hard to get when they’re already hard to want, is so funny to me.

0

4 weeks ago

dating, Funny, funny observation, hard, hard to get, hard to want, humor, me, men, observation, playing, want
My son is teaching himself Christmas songs on the trumpet, proving things can be both beautiful and annoying.

0

2 months ago

activity, annoying, beautiful, Christmas, fun, fun activity, music, parenting, son, songs, things, trumpet

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

94 shares on Reddit this month:

True friends don’t judge each other, they judge other people… together.

66 shares on Discord this month:

I don’t need to bring anything to a knife fight, because I don’t go to knife fights.

41 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My superpower is wasting time I don’t even have.

56 shares on Twitch this month:

There’s no reason to be bored flying on an airplane. Use the time to tell the person next to you your entire life story.

93 shares on Messenger this month:

Women will be like “I know a spot,” and then take you directly to hell.

91 shares on Threads this month:

This wouldn’t happen to me if I were a huge dragon.

55 shares on Instagram this month:

Damn, all this overthinking and I still be making dumb decisions.

79 shares on X this month:

Before social media, you could just completely forget that somebody existed. Good times.

59 shares on Facebook this month:

Now if you’ll excuse me, today’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves.

45 shares on Telegram this month:

You can’t be everyone’s cup of tea, let them sip on their own bland brew.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

When you’re dead, you don’t know that you’re dead. But it’s hard for those around you. It’s the same when you’re stupid.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I embarrass myself in front of myself.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I was a nothingburger to him, but he was an everything bagel to me…

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m having people over to stare at their phones later, if you want to come by.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Whatever the plot is in Barbie’s movie, my dolls have been through worse.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I overthink, therefore I am.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Every CVS has its own unique energy that’s powerful enough to exalt or destroy the individual.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

If you want to be sure that you never forget your wife’s birthday, just try forgetting it once.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I get it cicadas, I’m ready to scream for six weeks too.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

If you’re riding a bike in New York City, it means you care about your health. Riding one in Tennessee means you got a DUI.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,673

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

Quitting my job to focus on decorating the tree.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

80% of Americans just want to put on sunglasses and say, ‘Let’s do this.’

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

I haven’t given up on my fairy-tale ending. I still plan to be eaten by a wolf.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

Took a good look at my finances. I won’t make that mistake again.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

Asking the waiter for her phone number and then texting her “can I have more coffee?” two minutes later.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

They should build a separate grocery store for people who have actually purchased food before, know how to push a cart, and possess at least an ounce of spatial awareness.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

So excited to go to bed and have the worst sleep of my life, and wake up exhausted and aching.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

Life is short, unless you’re listening to a kid describing an episode of PAW Patrol.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

A moment of silence for those who hate us but can’t unfriend us because they’re afraid of not knowing what’s happening in our lives.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

Calling ahead to the cafe to warn them to “get those beans brewing”.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via TikTok:

My sweatpants sat me down and said they want me to get an office job again.

Trending via WeChat:

Most people don’t listen at all, they just wait until they can continue talking.

Just shared via Snapchat:

If I could have immunity to anything I would pick calories.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

It’s a fabulous time to be alive if you love: verification codes, verifying your email, yelling ‘REAL PERSON’ into a phone at a robot, reading nightmarish news all day, every day, hot.

Making waves on X:

I love how you get on Twitter, and all your thoughts are already in someone else’s tweet.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Please pray for my husband, he’s struggling to find me.

Freshly posted on X:

Boss: You’ll never find another job like this. Me: That’d be great.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Overthinking should at least burn calories.

Spotted on Facebook:

SHEIN does entirely too much on their app. Feels like a freaking casino every time you open it.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Mike is short for Micycle.

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