You truly don’t realize how young 20 is until you’re not 20 anymore.

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Do you ever wake up in the morning and you’re just like… no.

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Imagine how much better the world would be if everyone set aside their differences and came together as one to buy me a castle.

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Thanks for your email! Unfortunately, I have filled my pockets with stones and am making my way to the sea.

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I’m still waiting for the day my parents will say, “It’s all fake, we are millionaires, this was just to teach you to be humble”.

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Every grocery store becomes an escape room if you see someone you know.

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My dad’s handwriting makes a pharmacist look like a calligrapher.

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With a cat on your lap, you deal better with the crap.

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Being sober would be a lot easier if I liked myself.

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No one shoots at your feet and tells you to dance anymore.

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What bootlickers fail to understand is that the boot eventually comes for them too.