Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • When people give me directions and they’re like “you can’t miss it,” I’m like, “Oh, you do not know what I’m capable of.”
  • I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.
  • I like online shopping and putting everything I want in a cart, then checking my subtotal and laughing and closing the tab.
  • Tolerate the lactose already, you heathen.
  • “Bluetooth or Insane?” is a fun game we all play when we see a lone person speaking out loud in public.
  • As you get older you become all of the seven dwarfs.