Men’s jeans have bigger pockets to help them carry all their audacity.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

Remember, when asking for a raise, it is considered customary to be sober.

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I’ve got nothing against kids, I just don’t understand why you’d want indoor kids.

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Texting my boss from the job I got laid off from 5 months ago and telling him I have diarrhea.

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I hate when I go to the kitchen looking for food, and all I find is ingredients.

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Social media is proof that even mental hospitals have WiFi.

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For someone who is afraid of failure, I’m very unmotivated.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

Not to brag, but I skipped my mid-life crisis and went straight to cranky old man.

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I’m so disappointed when I help my kid with her homework, and she brings it home marked incorrect.

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Edging my house plants by putting them next to the window when it rains.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

Make it a habit to cry and act unhinged at meetings so you’re never invited back.