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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

Damn, didn’t win the lottery. It’s messing up my budget plan.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

I’m sorry I lied to you. I only did it for material gain. And to cause you psychological harm. And to prove I’m smarter than you.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

When the exam is so hard that you look out the window to appreciate nature.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

Life is a highway and I’m afraid to merge.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

Women’s fall fashion is basically coming up with ways to wear a blanket without it looking like you’re wearing a blanket.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

The phrase “don’t take this the wrong way” has a 0% success rate.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

“Machines will soon be as smart as people.” Ok, but which people?

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

I avoid drama by being unpopular.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

Hey, boy, are you the worst-case scenario? Because you’re all I think about.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

A swear jar for Twitter would end world hunger.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,347

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Messenger:

Phone is a cigarette for eyes.

Just shared via Slack:

It was a tough year, but at least I did not buy a Labubu.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

If you want to hang out with me, all you have to do is ask, and I’ll say no.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I did some exercise in 2010, I should be good for another few years.

Breaking via WeChat:

Life is basically avoiding people who have seen you naked, whilst trying to find new people to see you naked.

Shared recently on WeChat:

If sex was real, I think I would’ve had it by now.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Folding laundry is like packing to stay home.

Making waves on Snapchat:

“You’re an adult, maybe it’s time to stop fighting with people on the internet.”

Going viral on Instagram:

Anyone else who tells their pets every time they leave the house that they’ll be back soon?

Seen just now on Twitch:

Gonna start an app for cat sitters where they can review the cats they take care of and it’ll be called Litterboxd.

About four minutes into my run, I’ve decided I want to work on my personality instead.

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Commentary:
Attempting to outrun poor personality traits one stride at a time 🏃‍♀️💨 or maybe just sprinting to the fridge instead 😂🍕

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

56 shares on Threads this month:

I modeled my morning routine on the humble rooster. Wake up, scream, wander around.

27 shares on Instagram this month:

There will never be a perfect time. Make that mistake now.

34 shares on Reddit this month:

“It is what it is,” I say, not really knowing what it actually is.

60 shares on LinkedIn this month:

So many people say they love their Roomba, but you never see them set it free.

41 shares on WeChat this month:

I hope this email finds you at relative peace with the paradox of existence.

89 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m so disappointed when I help my kid with her homework, and she brings it home marked incorrect.

42 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Pinterest is so therapeutic. There’s no drama, no one to argue with. Just pretty pictures.

32 shares on Threads this month:

I miss when men had big hair, louder feelings, and leaned over cars to declare their love.

13 shares on Twitch this month:

Only money has the right to say “you’ll regret losing me”. The rest of you calm down.

51 shares on Pinterest this month:

I always make sure the garage door is shut. Wouldn’t want hoodlums stealing the stuff I’ve been meaning to get rid of for years.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Іf Empire Strikes Back isn’t a Christmas movie, then why is there so much snow in it?

12 folks are currently checking 👀

time heals all wounds.” Wrong! Time is chasing me with a knife.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Just pulled a Werther’s Original out of my pocket, like I’m 87 years old.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Yes, hello, I’d like to exchange my generational trauma for generational wealth, please.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

The main problem is that far too many people have far too easy access to podcast equipment.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

No one told me middle age would be so fuzzy, and if you are wondering whether I mean my eyesight or my facial hair, yes.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I made all my money in the 80s selling Rubik’s Hammers. They were for those cubes that thought they were smarter than you.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t be afraid to ask questions during a job interview. It’s the best way to find out if the person you’re interviewing is a good candidate for the job.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not fat. I’m just easy to see.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Nobody at this train station knows that there’s a hole in my sock.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,452

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

Mercury is no longer in retrograde, so never trust a cow because the sun can’t swim.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

Gave my family the wrong address for our beach rental. Hoping to get a couple days in before they find me.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

Going back on a dating app is the new walk of shame.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

Oh right, like you’ve never let your kids stay lost in a corn maze just a little longer.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

What happened to my ankles tonight mosquitologically can never happen again.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

This generation of men makes celibacy so easy for women.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

Current state of politics: The circus is on fire but the monkey is fine.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

Opening up to a woman is like talking to the police, anything you say can and will be used against you.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 40s, your level of cleaning is directly related to whether your guest can see without readers.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

If I was in Jaws, instead of wishing for a bigger boat, I probably would have just asked for a smaller shark.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Facebook:

My childhood led me to believe that as an adult I’d have to contend with truth serum, lava, quicksand, trap doors, and secret passageways. So far it’s mostly been weight gain and existential dread.

Shared recently on Slack:

Automatic doors that don’t open fast enough make me look dumb.

Going viral on Messenger:

Sometimes I think about Adam and Eve and how they couldn’t even get a babysitter.

Going viral on YouTube:

Coworker: Hey, circling back on that thing we talked about in December. Me: Stop living in the past!

Breaking via X:

You befriend a guy and a few days later he’s like “I wanna talk to you about something”. Please, God, let it be about the economy.

Spreading quickly via X:

I’m so lazy, I let my battles pick me.

Spreading quickly via X:

There’s no bigger test of patience than typing your email address in on a TV with the remote.

Seen just now on Threads:

Why hasn’t Lululemon created a bra-line named Lulumelons?

Just shared via Instagram:

They should invent a life where I know what I’m doing.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Don’t be coming into my house and causing big spikes of cortisol.

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