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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

Looking forward to another year of crushing reality and unfulfilled dreams.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

The internet is making people stupid. Not me, though.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

Are you gonna confess your undying love for me or what, bro?

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

I’m too tired to shower. Anyone want to wash my back?

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

Can I sell my feelings on ebay, I don’t want them anymore.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

Bro to bro: Never get your haircut on the day of a special event.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

“There are lots of benefits to working here. We have fun social events and activities after work!” And what are the benefits?

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

What do you call it when everything pisses you off but you’re good at not murdering people?

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

I just sneezed next to my computer and the anti-virus popped up.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

643 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,236

Funny Quotes Topics

17,359

Funny Quotes Images

15,236

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,984

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Discord:

People my age are parenting actual humans, and I’m over here promising myself snacks if I fold the laundry.

Just shared via Discord:

My ex had this fetish where he would dress up in his own clothes and act like an idiot.

Just shared via Telegram:

Jacket I left on a chair that sometimes looks like a person at night stuns in new evening nightmare.

Breaking via Telegram:

Turns out the honeymoon phase lasts forever when you pick the right partner.

Just landed via Twitch:

Did you know that if you listen to any Black Sabbath album backwards, you can hear them singing backwards?

Making waves on TikTok:

I don’t have a new year resolution, you don’t need that when you’re perfect.

Shared recently on Telegram:

When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.

Trending via Threads:

That “meeting canceled” ping is a gift from the Gods.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

You’re mistaking me with someone who’s stupid.

Spotted on X:

Applying for jobs sometimes is wild, like how am I supposed to be passionate about a company I don’t even work for yet?

About four minutes into my run, I’ve decided I want to work on my personality instead.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Attempting to outrun poor personality traits one stride at a time 🏃‍♀️💨 or maybe just sprinting to the fridge instead 😂🍕

exercise, fitness, four, humor, i, minutes, motivation, personality, procrastination, run, running, self-improvement, want, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Being bilingual means stuttering in both languages.

0

2 months ago

being, bilingual, both, comedy, communication, humor, languages, learning, means, stuttering
Asked a German girl for her number, and I’m still waiting for the rest of the digits. So far, all I have is “nine.”

0

2 months ago

asked, cultural, dating, digits, German, girl, humor, i, joke, language, number, pun, rest, still, waiting
Chocolate doesn’t ask silly questions, chocolate understands.

0

2 months ago

chocolate, comfort, humor, indulgence, questions, silly, treat, understanding
Is it too late to reset my life back to factory settings?

0

2 months ago

back, crisis, existential, existential crisis, factory, factory settings, humor, late, life, reset, settings
Lou Read is the name of my favorite musician and also the book I keep in the toilet.

0

2 months ago

book, favorite, humor, i, keep, lou, Lou Reed, musician, name, read, reading, reed, toilet
I could put my keys in the same spot every day, but why deprive myself of a treasure hunt that makes me late.

0

2 months ago

activity, daily, daily routine, day, every, forgetfulness, fun, fun activity, humor, hunt, i, keys, late, me, myself, procrastination, punctuality, put, routine, same, spot, treasure, treasure hunt, why

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

47 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The woman that cleaned my house could make a lot of money by threatening to release the before and after photos.

54 shares on Telegram this month:

Never forget that your fave celebs were trying to sell you cartoon monkey pictures during a pandemic.

47 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Kids be like: “Nice bathroom mirror. It would be a shame if I spat toothpaste all over it.”

77 shares on Reddit this month:

Are you mad at me? Have you been mad at me? Will you be mad at me? When will you be mad at me?

70 shares on Slack this month:

Slowly descending into madness. Anyone want anything?

31 shares on WeChat this month:

Oh, to live in simpler times, when there was nothing to do but sit by the seashore and contemplate the miracle of existence.

86 shares on Threads this month:

I’m not a morning person. I’m not even an afternoon person. I pretty much start functioning after 6pm.

91 shares on WeChat this month:

There’s no way the Scooby Doo gang never found a dead body.

100 shares on Instagram this month:

One downside of marrying a doctor is you have to give up eating apples.

27 shares on Threads this month:

Biblical loophole: It’s not premarital sex if you never intend to get married.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

My doctor just diagnosed me with anxiety and constipation. Now I’m worried shitless.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

Oh, him? He’s my insignificant other.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

In your 20s, there will be an evil narcissist demon disguised as the man of your dreams. It’s important that you run from that loser before he steals your light.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

Friendly reminder that someone having a different opinion about a movie than you is a direct attack on you as a person and you should take it very personally.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

As I get older, I’m understanding why everything needs to be done before 12 p.m.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

I told my computer I needed a break, now it sends me reminders to stretch while I’m lying on the couch.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Valentine’s Day is a stupid and made up holiday unless someone wants to give me a present in which case I really believe in celebrating it.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

Venn diagrams. You either love ‘em or you hate ‘em. Or you’re somewhere in the middle.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

Mud season creeps up on us every year, destroying hearts and minds as well as light grey carpeting.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

Every time someone tries to fight with me online, a middle finger gets its wings.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Instagram:

Things can feel really overwhelming. Sometimes days or even weeks can get really hectic. Don’t forget that life is all about getting as much phone time as possible. Never lose sight of that.

Shared recently on Messenger:

In my years of experience, people who disagree with me are usually wrong.

Making waves on Threads:

Some folks go to college to delay being a bum.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

They say it is hard to look at lips that you are not allowed to kiss. You do not know how hard it is to look at a face that you are not allowed to hit.

Making waves on Reddit:

It’s not my fault that when I said you looked “stunning” you assumed I meant in a positive way.

Going viral on Discord:

You wear a white shirt and all of a sudden everybody wants to go eat spaghetti.

Going viral on TikTok:

Just saw a piece of jewelry made in the 80s described as “vintage,” so I’ll be laying down the rest of the day.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Asking my boyfriend if he would still date me if an alien had done experiments on me that killed me but, as a gesture of kindness, replaced me with a perfect replica, and he was the only one who knew.

Making waves on Instagram:

“You’ve changed!” Yeah, I don’t like you.

Just shared via Discord:

I need a job with a salary that’ll shock me every month.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

About four minutes into my run, I’ve decided I want to work on my personality instead.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Being bilingual means stuttering in both languages.

Asked a German girl for her number, and I’m still waiting for the rest of the digits. So far, all I have is “nine.”

Chocolate doesn’t ask silly questions, chocolate understands.

Is it too late to reset my life back to factory settings?

Lou Read is the name of my favorite musician and also the book I keep in the toilet.

I could put my keys in the same spot every day, but why deprive myself of a treasure hunt that makes me late.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨