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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

When younger I would walk up to the counter and the bartender would know me by name. Now it’s my pharmacist.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

I wait all week for the weekend just to aggressively do nothing in five different outfits.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

Coworker: Where are you going after work? Me: Away from you.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

I think I’m about six months away from the perfect ‘before’ picture.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

If you’re wondering how motherhood is going, I’m watching a TV show and someone is in traction with a full body cast and I sighed and said “That looks so relaxing”

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

I shall have another coffee, for I am sleeping standing.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

In my 20s: Jingle all the way. In my 40s: Jingle til around ten.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Don’t listen to them, little password. You are strong.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

I don’t think astronauts should be allowed to come back. You made your choice.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

“You’re a psychopath!” At least I’m on a path, babe, sort your life out.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,293

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on TikTok:

Eat whatever you want. If someone calls you fat, eat them too.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

During winter, it’s either lazy starvation or eight thousand calories in one sitting.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I am under no obligation to make sense to you.

Going viral on Telegram:

My favorite part of parenting is when they’re asleep.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Gonna toot my own horn here because I made it through another day without turning any of my feelings into felonies.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Is ‘ugh’ an emotion? Because I fell it all the time.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

My OnlyFans is just hours of me untangling Christmas lights.

Trending via Snapchat:

I love that cats slap the shit out of everything they can’t understand.

Shared recently on Discord:

If you’re bored when you’re alone, obviously you’re in bad company.

Just landed via Reddit:

I don’t weigh myself because most scales don’t know how heavy all the grudges I’m holding onto are.

Another day on this hamster wheel to nowhere.

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Another day on this hamster wheel to nowhere.
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Commentary:
Rolling through life like a pro, but didn't realize I'm not actually going anywhere… 😂🐹🔄

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

74 shares on Messenger this month:

I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved.

61 shares on Snapchat this month:

I like to keep my wife guessing by walking around the backyard carrying a ladder and a chainsaw.

48 shares on Reddit this month:

Clearing her mind with a brisk walk along the foggy shoreline.

36 shares on TikTok this month:

Foot fetish should just be called feetish.

77 shares on Twitch this month:

It takes guts to be an organ donor.

30 shares on Reddit this month:

If you see me out in public but we haven’t talked since high school, let’s keep it that way.

94 shares on YouTube this month:

Have I made bad decisions when I was drunk? Sure. But have the sober ones been any better? Not really.

96 shares on WeChat this month:

Hate Google’s Gemini. If I wanted to get misinformation from a Gemini, I’d talk to my mother.

89 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Women do not snore. The sound they make at night is just the rewinding of the vocal cords.

52 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Tattoos are a great convo starter. So as an introvert, I kinda regret getting them.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Slowly descending into madness. Anyone want anything?

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Rise and grind your teeth gently while ruminating over every past mistake.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Who called them cat allergies and not meowlergies?

24 folks are currently checking 👀

April fools prank: replace all the sugar in your house with cocaine.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Can you lose weight by running away from your feelings?

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it like five or six times. You know, just to be sure.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

At what point is a salad no longer a salad based on how much bacon I add?

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Men can stay up til 2 a.m., wake up at 6, be in debt, broke, alone, and still have faith that one day, everything will work out. It’s called being a man.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s a special place in hell for people like you (next to me).

18 folks are currently checking 👀

There are days when trying to control your class is like trying to hug a tornado.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,602

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

Old age comes at a bad time. Once you finally know everything, you start to forget everything you know.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

God: “You’re all really bad at this.”

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it like five or six times. You know, just to be sure.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

Dear life, when I said “can this day get any worse” it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

I hate Valentine’s Day but I do enjoy infant archery.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

Movies in the 80s had me convinced that a main part of being a grown-up was staying late at the office and eating Chinese takeout.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

Just blocked everyone who is not in my gang so if you’re reading this, we’re robbing a bank in 12 minutes.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

Fun fact: The confetti you’ll see in Times Square tonight was made from one CVS receipt.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

The sound of a buzzing fly is enough to ruin my whole mood.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

Be the reason why a count unleashes ancient horrors onto the world when he thinks of you.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Telegram:

If you ever think you can solve a parenting problem by doing the opposite of what didn’t work last time, the universe will just be like “Lol, nice try, dummy!”

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I took some free community martial arts lessons for self-defense, but I’m starting to think Tai Chi is too slow for most muggers.

Seen just now on Slack:

I probably think this song is about me.

Live now on YouTube:

Nothing angers me more than tall ghosts in horror movies. No one born in 1782 was that tall. Do your research, screenwriters.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

If you knock down a policeman, they’ll get backup.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

People said follow your dreams, so I went back to bed.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

You ever get surprised by your own recurring issues? Like, come on man, I thought we were past this.

Shared recently on Slack:

In the 90s, you could tell who won the rap battle by who was still alive.

Trending via WeChat:

I am calling on public libraries to ban the books that I borrowed and lost. We don’t need that kind of crap in the libraries.

Live now on Twitch:

My spirit animal is chasing his own tail.

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