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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

Job applications are so stupid. “What’s your desired salary?” Ten billion dollars. Next question.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

I forgot how weird November is. There’s no afternoon; it’s just night after 3 p.m.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

The more nicknames I have for you, the more I like you.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

If you start a sentence with “Let me reiterate…”, I’m gonna ignore it the second time too.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

Why do guys named Timothy go by Tim when they could go by Moth?

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

Someone has left me a voicemail. I don’t know what to do. Open the phone app? The contacts? Do I turn on the TV?

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

Scrolling should count as cardio.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,880

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Snapchat:

Everyone is always talking about raising money for dogs without homes, but what about the ones who don’t have cars?

Seen just now on YouTube:

Nephew showed me his toys on FaceTime, and I had no toys to show him back. Humiliating.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Not going is the new leaving early.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I’ve got midlife crises older than you.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here hating myself more.

Just landed via Messenger:

Everyone thinks they will be the first person in history to maintain their dignity while posting online.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Weird how I can’t seem to reach anything at the grocery store when hot men are around.

At my age, I see no good reason to act my age.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Defying the laws of age one nap at a time! 😂🕺🥳

act, age, aging, attitude, fun, good, humor, i, personality, reason

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

To all the people who ask singles why they are actually single: Please don’t. We have sworn an oath and are not allowed to tell you the secret of our success.

1 month ago
advice, ask, asking, humor, oath, people, relationships, secret, single, singles, success, tell
If you make it through life without being portrayed in a murder documentary, take the win.

2 months ago
documentary, humor, life, murder, success, take, win
Remember when tweets were like: party rocking with a mouse tonight. Piece of cheese gonna have a big bite.

1 month ago
big, bite, cheese, mouse, party, piece, remember, rocking, tonight, tweet, Tweets
Twitter is Iike the smoking area for social media.

1 month ago
area, media, smoking, social, Twitter
Aliens probably have group chats called Don’t Stop on Earth.

1 month ago
alien, aliens, chat, communication, Earth, extraterrestrial, group, group chat, humor, joke, stop
Centaurs can’t wipe their asses.

5 months ago
bathroom, centaur, creature, difficulty, humor, hygiene, mythical, mythical creature, wipe

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

Getting the ick because he put the windshield wipers on at a higher rate than was needed.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

I’m a total go with the flow kinda person as long as the flow is meticulously scheduled well in advance and there are no mid-flow changes whatsoever.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

My boss told me to show initiative, so I decided to finish work early.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

Isn’t it weird we have a little voice in our head, like the one you’re using to read this?

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

Alexa, play everyone that played me.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

At the grocery store, but forgot my wife’s list so I guess I’ll just follow this other guy around and get what he gets.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

I’m sorry I said “I look forward to working with you” during our wedding vows.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Facebook:

Being an adult means your pain never goes away, it just migrates to a new location in your body.

Freshly posted on Slack:

One interesting thing I learned in my thirties is that you can leave a bar before it closes.

Shared recently on Reddit:

“I’m going to get more sleep tonight” is always the first lie I tell myself in the morning.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

My dog just tracked and successfully located a folium lanceolatum, more commonly known as a leaf.

Seen just now on Twitch:

If you have gray in your beard, you can hit it.

Going viral on Telegram:

The struggle to get off the couch and into bed is real.

Making waves on Twitch:

Does everyone in the world want to come to my house tomorrow?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

At my age, I see no good reason to act my age.

To all the people who ask singles why they are actually single: Please don’t. We have sworn an oath and are not allowed to tell you the secret of our success.

If you make it through life without being portrayed in a murder documentary, take the win.

Remember when tweets were like: party rocking with a mouse tonight. Piece of cheese gonna have a big bite.

Centaurs can’t wipe their asses.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

The masculine urge to make a woman sit through a YouTube video that she will not find funny or entertaining.

Never get in between a girl and her fries. It’s just common sense really.

It’s hard to sleep knowing that Coke is in the fridge.

I’ll never salute you, General Settings.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I love it when God gives me money.

The words I can’t wait to hear someday, “I’m sorry, Mom, you were right about everything.”

My gf doesn’t really like it when I talk about my ex, which means I now have a lot of stories from college where I’m just alone for some reason.

You’re not a knight in shining armor, you’re just a knob in Under Armour.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Of course babies cry when flying, their entire understanding of planes centers around them being eaten.

Is ChatGPT down for anyone else? I’m a cardiac surgeon in the middle of heart surgery.

Every time I wanna quit, I remember horses don’t stop.

Growing up, I didn’t think the expensive addiction that would ruin me would be Heinz ketchup, but here we are.

People that tell us what sex gods they are, what do you want us to do with that information?

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Everyone else time traveling: Preventing wars or the spread of disease. Me: Buying multiple pairs of my favorite shoes they’ve stopped making.

Can you turn your swag off for one second and listen?

Tonight I wanted to stop drinking but then I remembered the owner of the pub has a family to feed.

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At my age, I see no good reason to act my age.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

To all the people who ask singles why they are actually single: Please don’t. We have sworn an oath and are not allowed to tell you the secret of our success.

If you make it through life without being portrayed in a murder documentary, take the win.

Remember when tweets were like: party rocking with a mouse tonight. Piece of cheese gonna have a big bite.

Twitter is Iike the smoking area for social media.

Aliens probably have group chats called Don’t Stop on Earth.

Centaurs can’t wipe their asses.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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