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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

An eye exam where the optometrist makes you read a menu under dim lights.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

If you give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. But if you teach a man to fish, you’ll get the house to yourself on Saturdays.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

I had a dream about you. You were stupid there, too.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

If you see my account doing wild or out-of-character things, no worries. It’s not me, I routinely rent it out as an Airbnb.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

When buying presents I like to think, what would Jesus have got you? So yeah, enjoy your fish sandwich.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

We are gathered here today because our ancestors didn’t have condoms.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

I bought a book on Feng Shui, but I don’t know where to put it.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

Automatic doors that don’t open fast enough make me look dumb.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

If I’m out drinking and “Push It” starts playing, take me home immediately.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

Thanks to rice cakes, I still can’t imagine nothingness, but now I know what it tastes like.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

69 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,338

Funny Quotes Topics

17,457

Funny Quotes Images

15,338

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,377

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I met the real Santa tonight, and he said you’re all in trouble.

Making waves on Twitch:

At my age, I’m worried about tripping and falling, so I wear a helmet. I’m also worried about looking ridiculous, so I carry a skateboard.

Live now on Snapchat:

Welcome to your 40s. “I’m too old for this shit” is now your excuse and explanation for everything.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

No one watches your story faster than someone who doesn’t talk to you.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I love when someone texts “hey,” like I’m supposed to solve the rest.

Just landed via Reddit:

Hug your children as often as you can. They can’t break things during this time.

Trending via Pinterest:

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it like five or six times. You know, just to be sure.

Seen just now on Threads:

It’s so funny that people directly compare Dune and Furiosa when all that they have in common is that there’s sand.

Seen just now on YouTube:

My New Year’s resolution is to emit a powerful beam of light.

Making waves on Twitch:

So tired of looking in my wallet and not finding $10,000

Babe, what’s wrong? You’ve barely tweeted your manic thoughts today.

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Babe, what’s wrong? You’ve barely tweeted your manic thoughts today.
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Commentary:
Looks like someone's thoughts are buffering today! 🐦💭🔄

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

74 shares on Pinterest this month:

To the people who have only fans, what’s stopping you from upgrading to an air conditioner?

98 shares on Threads this month:

Looking forward to another year of crushing reality and unfulfilled dreams.

16 shares on Instagram this month:

I feel like you’re allowed to start your day at 4 p.m. if you are pure of heart.

34 shares on Twitch this month:

Oh, you’re in a situationship? Which one are you, the liar or the loser?

86 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My guardian angel is taking the longest smoking break in recorded history.

60 shares on Telegram this month:

There will always be miserable people inviting you to their misery.

76 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m a little too self-aware to enjoy life, and a little too delusional to give up.

77 shares on YouTube this month:

Jan 1st: Avocado on whole grain toast with a protein shake. Jan 20th: Syrup comes from a tree so technically it’s a vegetable.

60 shares on TikTok this month:

If a company’s hiring sign says, “Come grow with us,” you’re about to do the work of 3-5 people.

92 shares on Facebook this month:

I would never be comfortable delivering a baby. I can’t even remove an avocado pit without dropping it.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish religion made people nicer to each other.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve noticed that when young people now talk about “old people”, they mean me.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

You ever have your knees crack so good that you expect them to glow in the dark. Yeah, me too.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Public transportation is great, but they should invent a type where it’s only me in the vehicle.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to Twitter, someone from an unhappy home will attend to you shortly.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Your 20s are for developing attachments to people who will haunt you for the rest of your life.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve named my couch American Idle.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Befuddlingly, a palm tree won’t fit in your hand.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Went on a date with a guy who didn’t ask me any questions about myself, so it’s on him when he finds out about my husband.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

A large group of people is called an “eww, no thank you”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

69 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,338

Funny Quotes Topics

17,457

Funny Quotes Images

15,338

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,697

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

Never lie to Indian girls. That red dot be recording everything.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

I hope Google never goes down. I know like six, maybe seven, things.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

My favourite animal is me when I have money.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

Not gonna lie, I just assume everyone is AI now.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

Coffee doesn’t even work on me anymore. I just drink it because the taste tricks my brain into thinking I’m a functioning adult.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

If you see this, straighten your back, you banana-shaped mess.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

Tinder is a food delivery app if you’re good at it.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

Sex is fine, but have you ever completed every single thing on your to-do list?

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

Welcome to adulthood: 9pm is midnight now.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

I shouldn’t have to go to work if it’s rainy. I should get to stare out the window all day like a cat.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I like winter because I fundamentally understand I deserve to suffer.

Just landed via WeChat:

My favorite things about Twitter are that everything you read is true, everyone is nice, and all intentions are pure of heart.

Trending via TikTok:

Being on a diet isn’t so bad if you don’t follow it.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I need a reasonable job. Something like $3,000 an hour. Nothing too wild.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Soon as vampires become real, I’m first in line for my bite.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Spongebob never let anyone dull his whimsical spirit.

Shared recently on Threads:

My problem with Christmas shopping is that I keep seeing things that I like… for me.

Shared recently on Discord:

My friend says to me, “What rhymes with orange?” And I told him, “No, it doesn’t.”

Shared recently on Discord:

You ever killed your own vibe by remembering?

Live now on Threads:

The female ability to be able to guess exactly which girl it is out of his 740 following.

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