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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

I honestly have no idea what a vitamin is. It’s in a banana but it’s also the sun? Sure.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

Every morning I regret why I didn’t sleep earlier the night before.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

Who needs a period calendar when I know I’ll have it when I’m crying over nonsense things.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

Deja poo is when you feel like you’ve heard the same shit before.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

Dr. Pepper just unseated Pepsi as the second most popular soda in America. Don’t tell me that getting your PhD isn’t worth it.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

You don’t need to explain yourself if you carry a chainsaw.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

How soon into a new relationship should you let her know you’re an idiot?

Someone from 🇬🇶 has shared:

The first time you forgive out of love. The second time out of hope and the third time out of stupidity.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

Needlenose in HR says we can’t use nicknames anymore.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

The secret to being a private person is to overshare dumb shit so people think you are an open book but then not tell them any of the important details of your life.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,315

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Facebook:

Uninstalling Instagram can increase your IQ by 10%.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I’m really looking forward to getting a full 8 hours of overthinking in tonight.

Making waves on Messenger:

Does running away from my problems count as cardio?

Making waves on Messenger:

If anyone wants to contact me, from now on I can only be reached via my bank account.

Trending via YouTube:

Ever ghost an entire event to avoid one ghost from your past?

Making waves on Reddit:

Can’t wait for the day off from work so I can sit on the couch at home and stare at the TV screen while thinking about work.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

December, give me a sweet ending for this year please.

Just landed via Discord:

No one is shocked when a defibrillator doesn’t work.

Just landed via WeChat:

I am like a wildflower, a quiet rebellion blooming through ruins and dust.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

If you occasionally blow on your bourbon during a Zoom meeting, the other folks will think you’re enjoying a hot cup of tea.

Buying groceries with no food stamps should boost your credit score.

2 months ago

0

Buying groceries with no food stamps should boost your credit score.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When the credit card company sees me at the checkout line, they should start playing the Rocky theme song! 🥦💳🥊

boost, buying, credit, credit score, debt, finance, food, food stamp, grocery, humor, management, money, money management, score, shopping, should, stamp

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The most unrealistic part of cooking shows is when they have enough room in their fridge to fit an entire baking sheet.

0

2 months ago

baking, baking sheet, cooking, cooking show, fit, food, fridge, humor, kitchen, room, sheet, show, shows, space, unrealistic
If you’re out shopping today, be nice to retail workers. It’s not their fault you waited until Marys waters broke before you started your shopping.

0

2 months ago

before, broke, customer, customer service, fault, humor, Mary, nice, patience, retail, retail worker, service, shopping, today, waters, worker
Sure, breakups are hard, but have you ever had to wait for your phone to stop ringing so you can start using it again?

0

2 months ago

again, annoyance, breakup, ever, hard, humor, phone, ringing, start, stop, sure, technology, using, wait, waiting
My favorite emails are the ones that say your order has shipped.

0

2 months ago

delivery, email, emails, excitement, favorite, notification, ones, order, say, shipment, shopping
Sorry I’m late, I was fighting for my right to party.

0

2 months ago

celebration, excuse, fight, fighting, fun, humor, i, late, party, right, sorry
One of the great things about being a dad is how easy it is to launder my own desire for ice cream through my children.

0

2 months ago

children, desire, father, ice cream, kids

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

52 shares on Facebook this month:

I need someone to peer pressure me into doing things.

70 shares on Discord this month:

I sometimes have the desire to meet certain people again for the first time. Only to simply walk past them.

63 shares on Slack this month:

My dog understands several human words. I don’t understand any dog barks. He may be smarter than me.

33 shares on X this month:

A guy waited exactly 3 days to text me. Someone’s been studying the ancient scrolls of 1980s dating advice.

69 shares on Twitch this month:

Dark mode changed me. White screens now feel like staring into the sun.

78 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Everything is awful, and no one is going to save you from this treacherous world. Oops, I mean, happy Friday!

67 shares on Slack this month:

I feel like waking up early on the weekend is so disrespectful.

23 shares on WhatsApp this month:

In a relationship with my bedroom fan.

32 shares on Facebook this month:

I start each day assuming it will be horrible and go from there.

29 shares on Snapchat this month:

Accordion to current studies, 90% of you did not realize that this sentence started with a musical instrument.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

“Just circling back on this.” – “Take another lap.”

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Floating on a rock in space, but yeah – 9 to 5 sounds reasonable.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Be the one that gets asked to remove the hockey mask, during a conference call, on Friday the 13th.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The older I get, the more I understand why deer run in front of cars.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

After much deliberation, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m an overthinker.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite thing to do is nothing, with no one.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

We all need to put the phone down, or it’s over for civilization.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

It is easier to pass a camel through the eye of a needle than it is to convince somebody online that they are wrong.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry I said your toddler should be in commercials for birth control.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Studies show that people with high IQs tend to be lazy, or something like that. I didn’t read the whole article.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,225

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

If you’re riding in my car, that little middle piece is for my elbow — not yours.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

Thank God they have medical marijuana in this state. I need it for my joints.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

The sole purpose of some household items is to make it impossible for you to open the damn drawer.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

Moms be like, “Your cousin’s neighbor’s husband’s aunt died. Just thought you should know.”

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

I don’t have to take this abuse from you; I’ve got hundreds of people dying to abuse me.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

But babe, that’s my emotional support Lord of the Rings Extended Edition.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

I always do my best sleeping in the 10 minutes before my alarm goes off.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

May her tire get flat with a dude who can’t change it.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

I miss the days when our biggest argument was whether West Coast or East Coast rap was better.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

There should be a three-day weekend: one day to do nothing, one day to do something, and one day to do laundry.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Twitch:

Holding it together with duct tape and sarcasm.

Spotted on Slack:

Opening a Star Wars pub called Bar Bar Binks.

Just landed via Facebook:

Just say ‘lol’ and move on.

Seen just now on Threads:

Crazy how many organs in your body are dedicated to the poopification of dinner.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Gotta find someone you’re thermostatically compatible with. You can’t be a 74 dating a 62.

Going viral on Discord:

Dear food, either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat.

Going viral on X:

The week be like Mooonnnday, Tueeesday, Weeeeednesday, Thuuuuursday, FriSatSun

Just landed via TikTok:

I’m not gonna have a bad day. The day is gonna have a bad me.

Shared recently on WeChat:

One thing about me is I don’t even need to get drunk to act a fool.

Trending via WeChat:

They should invent a day where you aren’t tired.

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