Called in telepathically this morning, so they know I’m thinking of them.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

In case any nudes of me should appear somewhere: It was very cold that day.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

Life would be so much easier if you could push a button that makes dickheads fall through a trap door in the floor.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

If you were the birthday gift I bought my wife some months ago, where would you be hiding?

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

Nothing has paid off less than learning to do the Macarena.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

If you have ever spent an hour on Twitter then you understand why there’s such an urgency to create Artificial Intelligence.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

If you know karate, you shouldn’t have to pay for stuff.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

I refuse to take a single bite of my food until I find something good on TV.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

Grateful for independence mostly because British food is gross.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

If a stranger starts talking to me in an elevator I say “I don’t want to talk in case we get stuck and I have to eat you” that usually shuts them up.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

I’m best man at my buddy’s second wedding. Is it appropriate to open my dinner speech with “Welcome back everyone”?