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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

Vibrators are wrong and unnatural. The Bible said Adam and Eve, not Florence and the Machine.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

Every time I watch “The Godfather”, I notice some new detail (they’re Italian???).

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

I just tried to groom my dog myself, and I now fully understand why the dog groomer charges more for a haircut than my own stylist.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

All I do is go to work, come home, blink and suddenly I’m back at work.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

I called the cops on my own party once because I was ready to go to bed.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

Is it a good sign when your therapist keeps saying Ka-Ching?

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say: “Close Enough.”

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

Weekends now feel like short commercial breaks in a stressful movie.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

My apologies to the Goodreads reviewer who found my novel about vampires on a submarine, “unrealistic.”

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

While a leaf blower is a close second, my preferred cleaner is a flamethrower.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,561

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

If you have an old house, but you haven’t got a ghost, you should complain to the estate agent.

Just shared via WeChat:

“I’m too young to be forgetting why I walked into a room.”

Spotted on Twitch:

Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say: “Close Enough.”

Shared recently on X:

I want whatever the people who run at 6 a.m. have.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I am not “quiet quitting”, I am suffering from third-degree burnout.

Spotted on Facebook:

So single the neighborhood cats make ME dinner.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I lied, there’s no sex. Can you tell me a bedtime story?

Breaking via Reddit:

I love how this generation broke the previous misconception that “people with tattoos can’t get good jobs” and now we all agree that “people with and without tattoos can’t get good jobs”.

Just landed via Slack:

Never cry at the weekend. Cry at work, at least then you’ll get paid for it.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

“You handled that with such grace” are words that have never been spoken to me.

Can you imagine being a 7th grade girl and being able to see your crush’s bedroom during Zoom math class.

Funny quote about 7th grade curiosity and sneaky Zoom bedroom spying.
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Commentary:
Who's paying attention to angles when we're all busy judging the crush's wall art choices? 🎨😂💻

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

56 shares on Messenger this month:

It sucks when you realize it’s only Thursday, until you realize it’s Wednesday.

32 shares on Instagram this month:

Your card declining when you know you have money is a very funny experience.

85 shares on Telegram this month:

I wonder if my guardian angel and my future husband’s guardian angel are in a group chat trying to coordinate.

10 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m not really a “glass half full” kind of person. I’m more of a “Where’d I put my glass?” kind of person.

89 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Working with children gives you so much in return. Lice, for example.

14 shares on Messenger this month:

Brain, I know you’re trying hard, but you are not doing a good job.

81 shares on Twitch this month:

“What’s wrong with you?” Right now or in general?

51 shares on Snapchat this month:

Can somebody explain to me why it’s bad if immigrants take our jobs, but it’s good if AI does?

63 shares on Slack this month:

I called the cops on my own party, because I was ready to go to bed.

50 shares on Slack this month:

The winter months remind me that it is crucial to find someone that you’re thermostatically compatible with.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Mentally, I’m in a forest screaming. Physically, I’m answering emails with a fake smile and clenched jaw.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

The first person to ever throw up was probably like, “Ok, what the hell.”

11 folks are currently checking 👀

A Tinder type app, but it matches you with sandwiches.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I made the mistake of clicking on an Instagram ad for a flannel shirt, and now the algorithm thinks I’m a lumberjack.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

My husband refused to get glasses. But that was before he brushed his teeth with fake tan.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Twitter is basically a psychiatric ward where all the patients diagnose each other.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Life is giving me no lemons. It’s throwing watermelons.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Carrying my phone from room to room like a Victorian woman and her lantern.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

How do I tell Instagram I don’t want to see guys almost eaten by gators?

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your dog can stay home for the hour you’re at the grocery store or restaurant.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,329

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

Good morning to everyone except the baristas who don’t tighten the lid.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

50 is the new 30. Because it takes 50 bucks to buy what 30 used to.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

An alcoholic morning show host becoming Secretary of War is some Kurt Vonnegut shit.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

Police officer: please step out of your vehicle. Me: after this song, hold on.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

If you think my heart is cold, you should feel my feet.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

In an effort to keep our house clean before Thanksgiving, I’ve asked my family to go live somewhere else.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

The elder Zoomer speaks of the Wii with reverence.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

Bought a house plant so I wouldn’t be the only one dying of dehydration around here.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

“You’re an athlete,” I whisper to myself, as I begin my third attempt to get out of the couch.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

One year closer to whatever age my obituary will say.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Messenger:

Telling the guy next to me on the subway that I’m not even ticklish, so don’t bother trying.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

To be blocked is to be seen and to be seen is to be loved.

Just landed via Reddit:

Tiime isn’t on my side, it’s on my face, wrinkling my forehead.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

The problem with relationships these days is you don’t know if you’re the one being cheated on, or cheated with.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I want someone to care for me as much as Netflix cares if someone has logged into my account from another device.

Going viral on X:

I love single sign-on because you only have to sign on once, 8 times a day.

Live now on Facebook:

I hate when people tell me I need to “get out of my comfort zone,” like I don’t even have a comfort zone; I am literally always uncomfortable.

Trending via WeChat:

IKEA assembly instructions should come with a glossary of Swedish swear words.

Shared recently on Threads:

Senility is the pits. Spent an hour driving around the mall parking lot looking for my car.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Bisexual just means that I wear perfume with my men’s deodorant.

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