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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

I love sleeping. You don’t spend any money and you don’t miss anyone.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

Nearly choked on a carrot. A donut would never do that to me.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

Every day I ask ChatGPT if it knows where my keys are and if it ever knows the answer, I’m suing everybody.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

The gothic urge to live in a sleepy seaside town with a terrifying backstory.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

If you see me sad, just hug me and put some money in my pocket.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

Clicked on ‘Make a reservation’ on a restaurant’s page, and it opened FaceTime and started calling them. I cannot stress enough how much I do not want that to happen.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

Yes officer, I’d like to file a restraining order against my dentist’s appointment reminder system.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

I think if you ask Kanye for a million at the right time, he’ll give it to you.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

Be the horrifying lore of your family’s lineage.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

Coolest part about starting a new job is the immunity to disease you get for 3 months till you get sick days.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,586

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on X:

My Indian name would be “Stares at Phone All Day.”

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Men love when you ask them to explain something to you. It is considered a sign of deep respect in their culture.

Shared recently on TikTok:

People who take naps are the real heroes. It takes courage to wake up twice in one day.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Can’t believe my neighbor rang my doorbell at 3 a.m. last night… Luckily, I was still up playing the drums.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

My youngest started kindergarten today and I cried, but mostly for his teachers.

Going viral on YouTube:

I still can’t believe they named a company GoDaddy.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

God invented war so that Americans can learn geography.

Going viral on Instagram:

Unfollowing girls on Instagram as soon as they get a boyfriend is something I’ll never stop doing.

Just landed via Facebook:

Fitbits are just Tamagotchis, except the stupid animal you’re trying to keep alive is you.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Spice up your work day by drinking your coffee from a flask.

Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.

2 weeks ago

Witty text about dogs and cats' funny differences, playful and humorous in tone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Dogs: the eager beavers of the pet world, always ready for action 🐶. Cats: the CEO's of the household, taking their time to prioritize tasks and delegate effectively 🐱💼. If only we could all have a bit of that feline cool 😎!"

back, behavior, call, cat, dog, humor, message, pet, pet behavior, procrastination, witty

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

18 shares on Threads this month:

By the way, if you don’t buy anything on Black Friday, you can save up to 100%.

69 shares on Reddit this month:

People my age are raising children, and I’m just here trying to bribe myself with treats into doing my own chores.

79 shares on Messenger this month:

Together, I can beat schizophrenia.

80 shares on WhatsApp this month:

It’s leg day. No, not at the gym, dummy. I’m shaving them.

48 shares on Threads this month:

Have kids so you can live in a house full of people who can’t find anything.

37 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m not “late”, I’m just very creative with my interpretation of “time”.

49 shares on Telegram this month:

Why do we call it tuna fish? Is there any other tuna out there that’s not a fish?

81 shares on WeChat this month:

Vanilla perfumes are so nice. It’s like walking into a bakery but you are the bakery.

73 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Parents be like “why aren’t you eating, don’t you like my food?” and after you eat a ton, they’ll say “you look a little chubby, maybe you should eat less.”

27 shares on Messenger this month:

I love cute tiny purses, but I’m sad to say I can never be a cute tiny purse girl. I need to haul my hoard of objects everywhere I go, because what if….

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I used to blame all my problems on my parents, but now that I’m a grown up, I have come to terms with the fact that when bad things happen to me, it’s probably just that Mercury’s in retrograde again.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Why do they call it a garage sale instead of a garbage sale?

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Ironically people who are good at giving advice find it difficult to follow their own.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Hey kid, wanna hear a scary story? One day, you will be able to do whatever you want, and you will choose to stay home alone.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I would do anything for a job, except write a cover letter.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

No matter how busy my Sunday gets, I always manage to set aside time to panic about Monday.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes a lover girl, sometimes a dinosaur.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Blood pressure too high to chase these hoes.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

The fact that someone looked straight at a purple onion and named it red onion really bothers me.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

You can either have a nice evening or you can help your child with their math homework. You can’t have both.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,411

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

Half princess, half menace.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

The problem is that younger me didn’t account for the fact that there’d be an older me.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

I love ketchup from my head to-ma-toes.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

Stop rushing in the morning. You’re starting your day in panic mode.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

Being flirted with while you’re on the clock feels like a hostage situation.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

I’d like to have a word with the groundhog before he starts working this year.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

Some of these fake tans look like an old Tupperware container that’s had marinara sauce in it.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

My favorite part about standing in line is watching the other lines move more quickly.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

The first two drinks don’t count if you have social anxiety, they just turn you into a normal person.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

‘You’re going to die alone!’ Okay, when did dying become a group project?

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via TikTok:

Ears are great for tucking your hair behind in the wind. Big shout out to ears.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

If you order a pizza with veggies on it, you can tell people you had a salad.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Wish I came with subtitles because I mumble a lot.

Going viral on X:

Seeing my kids getting along, laughing, and peacefully playing together is the best minute of my day.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I’m never really sure what to do with my hands when I go jogging, so I don’t go jogging.

Trending via Reddit:

My dog understands several human words. I don’t understand any dog barks. He may be smarter than me.

Shared recently on Discord:

If you have to remind them to give a shit, remind yourself not to.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

It’s a shame that the know-it-alls know everything better but don’t do anything better.

Trending via WeChat:

My superpower is giving you the middle finger using my eyes only.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Don’t even get into my car if you’re just gonna scream every time I hit something.

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