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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

You don’t really see women throwing their boyfriend’s stuff out the window anymore.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

My anti-theft device in my car is that it’s manual.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

Do beavers even know what they’re doing, or do they just see water flowing down a river and think, “Absolutely not”?

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Guys have good pics on their dating profiles because their ex took them.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

If I’m too quiet you can rest assured I’m in the process of planning my sweet escape or your equally sweet demise.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

All the observable evidence suggests that, if I was much worse at my job, I’d be more likely to get a promotion to senior management.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

Saw a girl in a Franz Ferdinand T-shirt. She couldn’t even name three other main causes of the outbreak of World War I.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

The first time people saw a train coming at them, they ran away in terror.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

My wife just pulled me into the other room, and I thought she wanted to have a serious talk, but she just wanted to give me M&M’s without the kids seeing.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

Dear people, who drive without music playing, what do you do with your brain?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,648

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via X:

My child had pancakes and syrup for breakfast so I guess I’ll be sticking to my furniture for the next week.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Bruce Lee had a faster older brother named Sudden Lee.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Ponytails are only hot on women, bro.

Breaking via X:

Why do people always assume it’s a compliment when I tell them their baby looks just like them?

Just landed via Pinterest:

The more stupid the views, the harder it is to talk people out of them.

Shared recently on WeChat:

If I ever say “with all due respect”, please understand that there is none.

Making waves on Slack:

Sometimes I shower in the dark and pretend I’m in a rainforest on an alien planet.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Whenever an insect rides for miles on my car, I imagine it thinking: “Oh crap, moving again!”

Making waves on Discord:

For a guy supposedly called my “brother,” I’ve never seen him make broth even once.

Just landed via X:

I have now spread out a blue tarpaulin in the garden. I want it to look like I have a pool on Google Maps.

“Don’t judge a book by its cover” is a beautiful, powerful sentiment that I fully ignore when book shopping.

Witty quote about ignoring advice while book shopping, playful and humorous tone.
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Commentary:
Cover art: 1, Deep life lesson: 0! 😂📚✨

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

37 shares on YouTube this month:

My toxic trait is optimism.

64 shares on Telegram this month:

Please remember, I am an inspiration for birth control.

44 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m sorry for inventing the universe.

24 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I drive like I’m immortal.

18 shares on Facebook this month:

Wouldn’t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer and come out wrinkle free?

35 shares on LinkedIn this month:

For a long time, I didn’t know what to do with my strange thoughts. Then I signed up for Facebook.

39 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I used to schedule naps, but now they’re little surprise parties my body throws at all hours of the day.

11 shares on YouTube this month:

Apologies for the delays. The suitcase smashing machine has broken down, so we’re having to smash suitcases by hand.

75 shares on Discord this month:

I no longer dislike Mondays, I’m mature now… I dislike the whole week.

19 shares on Snapchat this month:

Sometimes I think about starting a podcast and then I remember all I do during conversations is nod.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I want my name to come up when you go to confession.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Going to the bathroom at night with my flashlight on and a dog next to me feels like I’m gonna solve a mystery.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s completely absurd that Silicon Valley is pushing AI on us before they figured out how to keep fries fresh for longer.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I get shy when my man stares at me for too long because what if he’s realizing I’m actually a lil ugly.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve been ghosted enough to add paranormal investigator to my resume.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

The science between bragging about a man and him disappointing you immediately after needs to be studied.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Cashier: Did you find everything? Me: Did you hide something?

17 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite part of fall is when the mosquitoes go back to hell.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

If at first you don’t succeed then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t worry, bro. She’s probably just working on a puzzle right now. She’ll get back to you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,312

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

Parallel parking: where true relationships are tested!

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

I’m optimistic, in a pessimistic way.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

I use a headshot from 2008 on my LinkedIn to prepare future employers for disappointment.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

Some hoodies don’t hoodie the way other hoodies hoodie.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

What’s wrong, babe? You hardly touched your own advice you give to others.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

I can’t wait to buy Chanel bags on a random Tuesday for me and my friends.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

Accidentally became important at work and it’s ruining my life.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

Imagine hearing the ice cream truck music, but at night.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

Why the hell is it called the restroom? I am fighting for my life in here.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

Just pulled a Werther’s Original out of my pocket, like I’m 87 years old.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WhatsApp:

It’s called Boxing Day because you’re supposed to spend it eating boxes.

Trending via WeChat:

Have you ever “accidentally” eaten a family sized bag of chips?

Just shared via X:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, if you could take some stuffing out of the midsection and give it a little forehead kiss, that would be great.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Never skip the footnotes – it’s here you find out who made the author angry enough to write the article.

Spotted on Reddit:

How did they get kids to pose for oil paintings? Mine won’t sit still for 4 seconds for a family photo.

Spotted on Pinterest:

On the surface: cool as a cucumber. On the inside: squirrel in traffic.

Just shared via Instagram:

It’s exciting to receive a Valentine’s Day card and not know who it’s from. A Father’s Day card, not so much.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Babe, you’re not acting according to my delusions right now.

Spotted on YouTube:

Ohhh, I just realised you can change your facial expression. I was just doing the one.

Just shared via Snapchat:

If they can bring back the dire wolf, they can bring back Norm Macdonald.

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