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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

Nostalgia isn’t as good as it used to be.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

Nobody is doing it like me because this is probably not the right way to do it.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

I need someone to convince me into or out of buying a jetski. I can’t keep living in this purgatory.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

One day we will tell our grandkids how far we had to scroll to get to the recipe.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

If you think someone has put a spell on you, send me $500 and I’ll get rid of it.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, if you could take some stuffing out of the midsection and give it a little forehead kiss, that would be great.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

It’s a good thing Titanic is only a movie. A lot of people would’ve died.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,833

Funny Quotes Topics

17,014

Funny Quotes Images

14,833

Updated

Dec 9, 2025

Users Online

3,597

Social Media Log 💫

Drunk me promising you anything is the equivalent of a politician giving their manifesto … it’s not gonna happen.

4 months ago

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Commentary:
Promises made after a few drinks have the same shelf life as a politician's campaign promises—zero percent reliability! 🍻🤷‍♂️✨

anything, commitment, drunk, equivalent, exaggeration, giving, happen, humor, manifesto, me, politician, promise, sarcasm, unreliability

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New cinephile technique “method watching” — when you watch a movie and then act and talk like the main character for 2 months.

4 months ago

2, act, acting, character, cinephile, humor, main, main character, method, method watching, months, movie, new, talk, talking, technique, watch, watching
Can’t stop thinking about that time at the planetarium where they showed us a picture of earth and everyone booed.

1 month ago

activity, boo, Earth, everyone, funny moment, group, group activity, humor, memory, moment, picture, planetarium, stop, thinking, time, us, where
If at first you don’t succeed, it’s only attempted murder.

1 month ago

attempt, failure, humor, irony, joke, murder, only, success
Do you think they’re called cough drops because when you cough really hard they drop out of your mouth onto the floor?

1 month ago

cough, drop, drops, floor, hard, humor, joke, mouth, observation, think, wordplay
Oh, you’re in a situationship? Which one are you, the liar or the loser?

2 weeks ago

dating, humor, liar, loser, oh, relationship, sarcasm, situationship
Even though he murders a lot of people, you can tell Freddie Kruger is a fun loving guy cause he goes by Freddie and not Fred or Frederick.

1 month ago

cause, even, freddie, freddy, Freddy Krueger, fun, fun loving, guy, horror, humor, krueger, lot, loving, murder, nickname, people, tell

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

Juggling screen time is the ultimate multitasking Olympics.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

I like driving by myself. I just played the same song 36 times.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

If your man cheats on you, dump him and date his dad, make him your step son.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

I giggle before I go crazy. Gotta start my engine.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

Wanted to update everybody on my diet. I’ve decided it’s okay to be fat.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

It’s legally required that you lose a frisbee onto the roof within one week of purchase.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

Money doesn’t impress me. Giving it to me does.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via YouTube:

Meteorologists are always talking about the weather and hardly ever about meteors.

Seen just now on YouTube:

No more learning experiences, please, God. I am smart enough.

Just landed via Snapchat:

My dream car is a taco truck.

Going viral on Pinterest:

So excited to go to bed and have the worst sleep of my life, and wake up exhausted and aching.

Broadcasted on Threads:

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

Going bananas on WeChat:

They expect me to work at work.

Trending via Reddit:

Grab your own butt! Love yourself!

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Activity Log ✨

Drunk me promising you anything is the equivalent of a politician giving their manifesto … it’s not gonna happen.

New cinephile technique “method watching” — when you watch a movie and then act and talk like the main character for 2 months.

If at first you don’t succeed, it’s only attempted murder.

Do you think they’re called cough drops because when you cough really hard they drop out of your mouth onto the floor?

Oh, you’re in a situationship? Which one are you, the liar or the loser?

Even though he murders a lot of people, you can tell Freddie Kruger is a fun loving guy cause he goes by Freddie and not Fred or Frederick.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

My housemates are convinced our house is haunted. I’ve lived here for 274 years and not noticed anything strange.

If my calculator had a history, it would be more embarrassing than my browser history.

I miss making out in public and making people feel uncomfortable.

I bet my calculator app wrapped would be pretty shameful.

I think something’s missing in my life… Like… 2-3 million dollars.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Not sure what’s longer: a microwave minute or watching a video while someone else is holding the phone, insisting it’s hilarious.

USPS tracking: Step 1: We don’t think it exists. Step 2: Delivered.

Kinda worried about something. Don’t know what it is yet.

Adulting: unlocking life’s mysteries, one therapy session at a time.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

I never give second chances, just 10 and then goodbye.

Having to confirm your past purchases over the phone with your bank’s fraud department is a truly harrowing moment of self-examination for chronic little treat buyers.

I know this ain’t smart, but that never stopped me before.

Yesterday I wore something from 5 years ago and it actually fit. So proud of myself. It was a scarf, but still, let’s be positive here.

Not again. I mean good morning.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

You can just make up words and if you say them in a Scottish accent, people will think they’re real: Looka the wee janglers on that tary bibbit.

Absent father sucks, but have you met the final boss, the father who is actually in your life every day but emotionally unavailable, lol.

Roses are red, my name is not Dave, this makes no sense, microwave.

I think some of you are faking your sarcasms.

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Drunk me promising you anything is the equivalent of a politician giving their manifesto … it’s not gonna happen.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

New cinephile technique “method watching” — when you watch a movie and then act and talk like the main character for 2 months.

Can’t stop thinking about that time at the planetarium where they showed us a picture of earth and everyone booed.

If at first you don’t succeed, it’s only attempted murder.

Do you think they’re called cough drops because when you cough really hard they drop out of your mouth onto the floor?

Oh, you’re in a situationship? Which one are you, the liar or the loser?

Even though he murders a lot of people, you can tell Freddie Kruger is a fun loving guy cause he goes by Freddie and not Fred or Frederick.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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