Commentary:
Promises made after a few drinks have the same shelf life as a politician's campaign promises—zero percent reliability! 🍻🤷♂️✨
22 Funny happen quotes
If we’ve got the technology to make heated car seats, then where the hell are the seats that automatically cool down in the summer? Make it happen, nerds.
Commentary:
Cooling seats: Because no one likes their shorts becoming a mini sauna! 🥵❄️🚗
WW3 is either gonna happen so fast you sleep through it, or it’s gonna last for the rest of your life.
Commentary:
Looks like I'll need to set multiple alarms and stock up on popcorn just in case 🍿⏰😅
Sorry for acting weird, I am weird, and it will happen again.
Commentary:
Embrace the weirdness—it's a recurring episode in my personal sitcom! 😂🤪🔄
My guardian angel is probably preoccupied with sports betting apps and generative AI, that’s why she’s letting all these bad things happen to me.
Commentary:
Sounds like your guardian angel needs a reminder that they're not on vacation! 😇📱🤖🎰
Nothing bad can happen while you’re under a blanket. Just remember that.
Commentary:
If blankets were a paid subscription for safety, I'd definitely go for the lifetime membership! 😌🛌✨
Monetizing Twitter was actually the worst thing to happen to this app. Everybody rage-baiting for 23 cents.
Commentary:
Who knew the Twitter bird would lay golden eggs worth less than a vending machine snack? 🐦💰😆
Clicked on ‘Make a reservation’ on a restaurant’s page, and it opened FaceTime and started calling them. I cannot stress enough how much I do not want that to happen.
Commentary:
Who knew FaceTime was the new OpenTable? 🍽️📞😅
America is like that TV show that’s been on for too long, and the writers don’t know what to do, so they just make anything happen.
Commentary:
Just waiting for the episode where everyone gets amnesia and someone announces, "It was all a dream!" 😂📺🎬
Whatever happened calorically this weekend can never happen again.
Commentary:
Sounds like your weekend calories are now part of the Witness Protection Program! 🍩🙈🔥