459 funny family quotes - Page 5 - Wordgag ツ

If you want to make your mother proud, make her my mother-in-law.

Jan 31, 2026

Telling your parents about your problems is like adding another problem to your life.

Jan 31, 2026

Your honor, I have a role to play as the black sheep of the family.

Jan 31, 2026

Parents will give you a lecture about fake friends and then get scammed by their own siblings.

Jan 31, 2026

My kids and I have this bit where I say something and they ignore me.

Jan 31, 2026

I don’t know which aunty needs to hear this, but focus on your own child.

Jan 31, 2026

Parents saying “I know my child” will forever be the funniest joke.

Jan 31, 2026

Of course I wrote a grocery list. I carefully wrote it all down and then didn’t bring it with me, like my mother and her mother before her.

Jan 31, 2026

Returning to Twitter is like coming back to a dysfunctional family.

Jan 31, 2026

Imagine if every time you ate a grape you’d hear a soft voice whisper “that was my son…”

Jan 31, 2026

Watching Jaws with my kid because I’m sick of going to the beach.

Jan 31, 2026

Pinterest algorithm is like a loving dad who fills the whole fridge with oranges after seeing you enjoy one.

Jan 31, 2026

We were having tea with my mother-in-law the other day and out of the blue she said, “I’ve decided I want to be cremated.” I said, “Alright, get your coat.”

Jan 31, 2026

That awkward moment, when all eyes are on the bride, but your son is the groom.

Jan 31, 2026

I took my kids to the zoo when they were small, I wonder how they are getting on now.

Jan 31, 2026

I will never understand people’s fascination with their ancestry, isn’t knowing your current family bad enough.

Jan 31, 2026

My kids practically have medical degrees they’re at the nurse so much.

Jan 31, 2026

I don’t wanna meet your family, bring my plate to the car.

Jan 31, 2026

Happiness is having a large, caring, close-knit family in another city.

Jan 30, 2026

I’ve never been to hell, but I once forgot to buy batteries for the toys on Christmas morning. The sound is still ringing in my ears.

Jan 30, 2026

And then I thought to myself, “What’s the point of cleaning if my family is going to keep living here?”

Jan 30, 2026

Don’t be ashamed of who you are, that is your parent’s job.

Jan 30, 2026

Sundries sounds like something grandma would call scandalous underwear.

Jan 30, 2026

Thanksgiving ain’t been the same ever since my uncle pulled that gun out on everybody.

Jan 30, 2026

According to the amount of bacon I just cooked. I’m a family of 8.

Jan 30, 2026

I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom.

Jan 30, 2026

I have three kids. I should be terrified of sex.

Jan 30, 2026

The best thing about living with my parents is being woken up four minutes before my alarm to be told my alarm is about to go off.

Jan 30, 2026

I don’t need the audio tour at the museum, I have my teen to provide critical commentary the entire time.

Jan 30, 2026

I want to be gangsta but my grandma said no.

Jan 30, 2026

How quickly family vacations go from “Omg, we only have 4 days left” to “Omg, we still have 4 days left”

Jan 30, 2026

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

Jan 30, 2026

That awkward moment your mom is doing the dishes and you slowly put your dish in the sink.

Jan 30, 2026

Family fistfights brought to you by Monopoly.

Jan 30, 2026

Everyone who got my kids board games for Christmas, when are you coming back to play with them?

Jan 30, 2026

It’s important to remember that even parents make mistakes. In fact, it’s how many of us became parents.

Jan 30, 2026

The worst part of my grandfather’s dementia was slowly watching him forget about Dre.

Jan 30, 2026

My favorite part of parenting is being exhausted all the time and losing the will to live.

Jan 30, 2026

When the blood pressure machine comes out for one person, the whole family has to get involved.

Jan 30, 2026

Mama didn’t raise no fool, I turned into one all on my own.

Jan 29, 2026